Meant to live ?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Maybe we're bent and broken
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
I am starting to feel like this is holding me back. And I have no idea how to fix it. Not in a mopey, I feel sorry for myself kind of way... just, I am done with hurting and sadness and oppression. I think, "You save yourself, or you remain unsaved" rings quite true here. I have to pick myself up from this, because although relying on someone else is easier, it is not being true to myself. That doesn't mean that the input of other people is irrelevant, that the love of close people around me won't help... because it does and it will. More than I could ever tell them.
I just think it means that I have got to want it for myself first... and that is difficult.
In moments like this I can see my life, intertwined with his, and others... and it is so beautiful. We are beautiful. But it seems silly to maintain it as a facade... i want to live it. Truly live it, be outstanding, laugh from my eyes and heart, not just my mouth.
It is almost as if i see this life as a far off, unattainable point... but in fleeting moments it is real, and here, and as solid as the ground I am standing on. I just need to learn how to keep hold of it and stop throwing it away.
I'm not angry with myself for the way in which I fought last week... but I do think there are moments when I give in to this too easily. I am blinded by it. I make myself into a castle, shut everyone out and remove myself from life because I simply do not know how to keep going. But now there are people, one especially, willing to break down these barriers and draw me out of this seclusion. I do not expect for this to fix it, but having someone take those first tentative steps with you makes the rest of the journey seem so much more of a possibility instead of just a dream.
I don't have any answers yet, just a desire for some peace and tranquillity after last week. What a fight.
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Maybe we're bent and broken
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life
I am starting to feel like this is holding me back. And I have no idea how to fix it. Not in a mopey, I feel sorry for myself kind of way... just, I am done with hurting and sadness and oppression. I think, "You save yourself, or you remain unsaved" rings quite true here. I have to pick myself up from this, because although relying on someone else is easier, it is not being true to myself. That doesn't mean that the input of other people is irrelevant, that the love of close people around me won't help... because it does and it will. More than I could ever tell them.
I just think it means that I have got to want it for myself first... and that is difficult.
In moments like this I can see my life, intertwined with his, and others... and it is so beautiful. We are beautiful. But it seems silly to maintain it as a facade... i want to live it. Truly live it, be outstanding, laugh from my eyes and heart, not just my mouth.
It is almost as if i see this life as a far off, unattainable point... but in fleeting moments it is real, and here, and as solid as the ground I am standing on. I just need to learn how to keep hold of it and stop throwing it away.
I'm not angry with myself for the way in which I fought last week... but I do think there are moments when I give in to this too easily. I am blinded by it. I make myself into a castle, shut everyone out and remove myself from life because I simply do not know how to keep going. But now there are people, one especially, willing to break down these barriers and draw me out of this seclusion. I do not expect for this to fix it, but having someone take those first tentative steps with you makes the rest of the journey seem so much more of a possibility instead of just a dream.
I don't have any answers yet, just a desire for some peace and tranquillity after last week. What a fight.