A New Path
Today I officially applied to graduate in December without my Master's.
I honestly don't know how I feel about it. Part of me is really excited to graduate and have a degree, but another part of me sort of feels like I failed in my program. They've primed us for this grad program since we were freshmen. It was assumed we would go into it. When I applied today, they changed my major from LSEE (Liberal Studies and Elementary Education) to Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus in Education. what?? this makes no sense to me, and it's actually the part that I'm most hurt by. I did everything. I completed every class that people going onto grad school completed but now I'm not allowed to graduate as an Elementary Education major. It's their way of keeping you in the program, I guess. But it's bullshit. and I can't contest it. I've known from the get-go that this is what happens. I dunno, I should be happy. I'm choosing a new path, getting out of academia for a little while, but I guess it doesn't feel like a culmination of my effort at this University. It just feels like I decided to stop, which I know isn't true. I've worked hard here, and I've loved it, but I won't be walking with people in my major.
It's just kind of a bummer. And I'm PMSing, which doesn't help.
So I'm applying to TFA. which I really want (have yet to talk to Jenna about, but still). I just really NEED to teach. I need to get to these kids ASAP. I can write a lesson plan in my sleep. And I cannot wait to be a part of these kids lives.
Gah, I've just never been this uncertain before. I've always had Grad school planned, always known that I would teach after that. But I think I need this break. I need something new. I probably need to get out of Virginia.
I always know that fundamentally, I will be ok. I will always be loved, I will always have somewhere to go, I will always have home. So what is there to be afraid of? In that sense, I can't fail. No matter what happens, If I get in, or if I don't, I'll have a plan, and a bunch of people to back me up.
So at this point, all I can do is finish up in kick ass style, and worry about the future later.
I honestly don't know how I feel about it. Part of me is really excited to graduate and have a degree, but another part of me sort of feels like I failed in my program. They've primed us for this grad program since we were freshmen. It was assumed we would go into it. When I applied today, they changed my major from LSEE (Liberal Studies and Elementary Education) to Interdisciplinary Studies with a focus in Education. what?? this makes no sense to me, and it's actually the part that I'm most hurt by. I did everything. I completed every class that people going onto grad school completed but now I'm not allowed to graduate as an Elementary Education major. It's their way of keeping you in the program, I guess. But it's bullshit. and I can't contest it. I've known from the get-go that this is what happens. I dunno, I should be happy. I'm choosing a new path, getting out of academia for a little while, but I guess it doesn't feel like a culmination of my effort at this University. It just feels like I decided to stop, which I know isn't true. I've worked hard here, and I've loved it, but I won't be walking with people in my major.
It's just kind of a bummer. And I'm PMSing, which doesn't help.
So I'm applying to TFA. which I really want (have yet to talk to Jenna about, but still). I just really NEED to teach. I need to get to these kids ASAP. I can write a lesson plan in my sleep. And I cannot wait to be a part of these kids lives.
Gah, I've just never been this uncertain before. I've always had Grad school planned, always known that I would teach after that. But I think I need this break. I need something new. I probably need to get out of Virginia.
I always know that fundamentally, I will be ok. I will always be loved, I will always have somewhere to go, I will always have home. So what is there to be afraid of? In that sense, I can't fail. No matter what happens, If I get in, or if I don't, I'll have a plan, and a bunch of people to back me up.
So at this point, all I can do is finish up in kick ass style, and worry about the future later.