Next break, please
Let's be honest- school is number one worst. this is not to say, of course, that I dislike Richmond, In fact, I love it, but i would much rather be at home doing nothing than in richmond going to school.
this break was far too short.
Most of it was spent in NJ, with the side of the fam that I adore, so it made leaving ridiculously difficult. I am in no way ready to take/ write any finals. I spent a lot of my break thinking about what I could do, should I decide to crazily leave school, or not get into grad school, or no one hires me as a teacher. All of these are actually plausible, which is pretty scary, but also, please remember that i'm crazy and am probably paranoid. Anyway, I thought "hm, i could live in Ocean City, and work with my grandmom" or "yeah, i'll drop out of school, and get my certificate in midwifing". That all actually sounds really good. School is expensive. This year alone, VCU has raised tuition $1,000, and so many classes were cut that I can only get into three right now. three. that's 9 credits.
I mean, I think I know that I'll stay in school, graduate, go to grad school, and get a job. That will be my life. But the thing is, there are SO many other opportunities that I'm not taking. Life is too short. How am I supposed to do all the things I want to do? I feel like it's impossible. I'll never have money as a teacher, and i don't want to marry rich just to have money, cause I feel like that negates the happiness gained by doing those amazing things, ya know? I couldn't live with that.
Look, I know i'll be happy no matter what I do, and I know i'll have a good life, but there's just so much to do! do i audition for the music school even though i can't play piano very well? and if i get in, do i study abroad knowing that the credits won't transfer so i'll be in school longer?
too many questions and....thoughts. too many thoughts. I don't think that life is supposed to be this stressful. I feel like i'm worrying about it so much that I'm not going to end up enjoying it. i mean...i will...but with all of this other shit to get done, it's hard to focus on the now, which is what i need to do. I need to focus on now. what I can do now, what is best for me NOW.
But that's hard, knowing that so much depends on now.
I wanna go back to new jersey.
this break was far too short.
Most of it was spent in NJ, with the side of the fam that I adore, so it made leaving ridiculously difficult. I am in no way ready to take/ write any finals. I spent a lot of my break thinking about what I could do, should I decide to crazily leave school, or not get into grad school, or no one hires me as a teacher. All of these are actually plausible, which is pretty scary, but also, please remember that i'm crazy and am probably paranoid. Anyway, I thought "hm, i could live in Ocean City, and work with my grandmom" or "yeah, i'll drop out of school, and get my certificate in midwifing". That all actually sounds really good. School is expensive. This year alone, VCU has raised tuition $1,000, and so many classes were cut that I can only get into three right now. three. that's 9 credits.
I mean, I think I know that I'll stay in school, graduate, go to grad school, and get a job. That will be my life. But the thing is, there are SO many other opportunities that I'm not taking. Life is too short. How am I supposed to do all the things I want to do? I feel like it's impossible. I'll never have money as a teacher, and i don't want to marry rich just to have money, cause I feel like that negates the happiness gained by doing those amazing things, ya know? I couldn't live with that.
Look, I know i'll be happy no matter what I do, and I know i'll have a good life, but there's just so much to do! do i audition for the music school even though i can't play piano very well? and if i get in, do i study abroad knowing that the credits won't transfer so i'll be in school longer?
too many questions and....thoughts. too many thoughts. I don't think that life is supposed to be this stressful. I feel like i'm worrying about it so much that I'm not going to end up enjoying it. i mean...i will...but with all of this other shit to get done, it's hard to focus on the now, which is what i need to do. I need to focus on now. what I can do now, what is best for me NOW.
But that's hard, knowing that so much depends on now.
I wanna go back to new jersey.