Dancing
In a couple of places, there have been threads / comments about dacning, getting dance partners, interactions between older males and "cute young things", etc. I'm going to comment here, and post likes elsewhere, so that I can get all my thoughts on this in one place.
1: Compliments.
A couple of people (purchasemonkey and corpsefairy come immediately to mind) have ( Read more... )
1: Compliments.
A couple of people (purchasemonkey and corpsefairy come immediately to mind) have ( Read more... )
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Zhaneel
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I go to Gaskells semiregularly, though I haven't been in about a year, and I frequent Dickens, though I've never been a participant.
If you've seen the Edward Gorey bustle gown, that's mine.
Pleased to meet both of you.
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That said, I like being complimented on my apperance especially when I'm not the one who made a costume. Because I've worked hard to get to where I am and it makes me feel (generally) good. Slime associated with that compliment is as much my view of the person and any undertones to the comment, but a simple "You look great in that outfit" is actually just that: Simple and complimentary.
Zhaneel
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Yep. I'm not the best looking guy out there, but what looks I have are (mostly) due to my efforts. It's always nice to hear that the efforts have paid off.
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#2 and #3 put the focus on the body rather than the costume, which is a very important distinction. Saying that an outfit flatters me tells me that you are paying attention to my body, which I may or may not want to hear. I almost certainly don't.
Then why in the world are you showing it off?
I'm sorry, but what you just said is nuts. If don't want people to pay attention to your body, don't wear things that show it off. Wear baggy sweatpants and baggy sweatshirts to FNW. Wear dumpy clothes to Gaskells / Peers. But people who wear clothes that show off their bodies, both male and female, are, generally speaking, doing it because they want people to look at and admire their bodies. And if you are showing off your body, but don't want people to actually notice it, then you've got some severe psychological problems.
Here's the thing: women's bodies are on display all. the. time.Yep. And so are men's. Which ( ... )
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Note, I said "their bodies". The clothing may be on display. For a costumer, that is, in fact, what we're doing, which is why compliments about the costume are not inappropriate. There are certainly outfits that are designed to make onlookers notice their bodies, but there are a great many more outfits that are designed to look good themselves and just be appropriate. I should not have to wear sweats or "dumpy clothes" to a vintage event, or even outside of my house, in order to avoid being treated as an object. For one thing, it's too damn hot here to wear sweats. For another, part of the atmosphere of something like a convention or a vintage dance event has to ( ... )
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Umm, I suggested "occasion appropriate" clothes. FNW is a "wear whatever you want" kind of place. Gaskells and Peers are not, which is why I suggested wearing "dumpy" (i.e. clothes that hide your figure (and if you have a better word for that then "dumpy", please help me improve my vocabulary :-) )) clothes.
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The solution is not to dress "dumpy" (and last I checked, Victorian garb required quite a lot of covering up), the solution is for the men to listen when the women say "please stop doing that".
It's not really about what people wear or don't wear, it's about being courteous and respectful. There is a kind of aggressive male attention which makes all women feel uncomfortable. A man who does this, does so not to get results, but to feel powerful. If his intention was to make you feel good, obviously he would try to find out the best way to do that. Since you do not seem to care that many women are saying this method does not make us feel good, I can only assume your intentions are not, in fact, to make us feel good. A man who insists that a woman deserves certain treatment because of what she is wearing, is a man who wants his power trip to be excused.
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You know, you can "prove" anything once you get to make up the terms of the debate. The question has never been "what is appropriate once someone has made a request?" The question has always been "what is the basic appropriate behavior ( ... )
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To sum up:
Women could be a little more gracious in accepting compliments.
Men could be a little more careful in offering a compliment that makes the woman involved feel treasured and appreciated rather than ogled and evaluated as a sex symbol.
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