If i spin so much i get dizzy and fall..will you catch me?
does this make me a man?
if i do this am i more girly?
should i be talking to them instead of actually having fun?
if i act like a whore, will they think im prettier?
should i embarrass, degrade, and pose myself to make them like me more?
what do they think?
why do i think?
fuck this
i got to drive today, by myself with my el license-o, it was XTREME!
i got myself many a chance to drive, i went to school, i reparked my car(teehee), i took mike to taco bell, i went to sheena's, i took sheena to dinner, then i came on home. sigh...what a day. i hate how my mind works, whenever i see a pretty girl, and guys reactions to them, i get so self conscious and self loathing at the same time. when their features are being complimented and it seems like their pretty is almost intoxicating i just wanna scream, i almost do but instead i just try not cry because that is how low i feel. people can tell me i am pretty all they want but that is just "pity pretty lies" i dont want that, i want truth from people that matter...truth from shallow ppl, but i only want the truth that wont make me cry or feel like shit...fuck this shit.....mak wrote another blog about how he is still in love with me...lol...that boy....he asked me in the blog "you say you want someone to love you but when someone loves you more than their own fucking life its not good enough for you............", i guess it wasnt a question, whatever.....he's right, but thats not the kind of love i want, who knows.....
lue(emostyle)
if i do this am i more girly?
should i be talking to them instead of actually having fun?
if i act like a whore, will they think im prettier?
should i embarrass, degrade, and pose myself to make them like me more?
what do they think?
why do i think?
fuck this
i got to drive today, by myself with my el license-o, it was XTREME!
i got myself many a chance to drive, i went to school, i reparked my car(teehee), i took mike to taco bell, i went to sheena's, i took sheena to dinner, then i came on home. sigh...what a day. i hate how my mind works, whenever i see a pretty girl, and guys reactions to them, i get so self conscious and self loathing at the same time. when their features are being complimented and it seems like their pretty is almost intoxicating i just wanna scream, i almost do but instead i just try not cry because that is how low i feel. people can tell me i am pretty all they want but that is just "pity pretty lies" i dont want that, i want truth from people that matter...truth from shallow ppl, but i only want the truth that wont make me cry or feel like shit...fuck this shit.....mak wrote another blog about how he is still in love with me...lol...that boy....he asked me in the blog "you say you want someone to love you but when someone loves you more than their own fucking life its not good enough for you............", i guess it wasnt a question, whatever.....he's right, but thats not the kind of love i want, who knows.....
lue(emostyle)