*headesk*
Help.
I auditioned for All the Kings Men today. The rumors have been flying since both Gina Case and Bryan Edison left the show and honestly ... I kind of ... understand why they would have. Especially Gina. How she lasted three years with Doug Nelson staring at her the way he stared at me ... Seriously, creep city.
I got the "What do you feel about actors who come out?" question today. Asked in a way that made me want to drop kick the guy into the next century. What am I supposed to say? That I'm a lesbian and it doesn't matter who knows or who I am sleeping with because I don't want my personal life out there in the first place? Or "well, whatever is best for the show?"
There's a part of me that wants nothing to do with that toxic environment I was witness to today. There's also a part of me that knows I need to work to get work. Union dues are expensive. And you know what, Doug Nelson is a creep, but god he is a good actor. Usually I read off of some lackey but he was the scene partner and it was amazing. He exudes that actor/leading man chemistry that you only hear about sometimes. I also needed a shower after we were done.
But for the first time in my life, I'm really sitting here and thinking about my sexuality and issues around it. I was raised in this little bubble of unconditional love and acceptance and my sexuality has never come up because I've never dragged my girlfriends to any of the industry parties that I've gone to. Why? They don't want to go. And my roles in movies and on TV shows have been so small that no one really cares. (Although apparently I do have a fanbase. Scott told me today that there is an Adryana Matthews tag on tumblr and not everything is from my dumbass family.) I've been on stage most of the time and touring with stage productions and doing regional stage work. I sleep around. I usually don't have relationships.
And now I'm panicking because what if my sexuality really is an issue for getting work? The actors who come out are safe to do so. They aren't trying to get started.
Why the hell does this still matter?
I have a callback for Rent in an hour. I should probably take a breath, huh?
I auditioned for All the Kings Men today. The rumors have been flying since both Gina Case and Bryan Edison left the show and honestly ... I kind of ... understand why they would have. Especially Gina. How she lasted three years with Doug Nelson staring at her the way he stared at me ... Seriously, creep city.
I got the "What do you feel about actors who come out?" question today. Asked in a way that made me want to drop kick the guy into the next century. What am I supposed to say? That I'm a lesbian and it doesn't matter who knows or who I am sleeping with because I don't want my personal life out there in the first place? Or "well, whatever is best for the show?"
There's a part of me that wants nothing to do with that toxic environment I was witness to today. There's also a part of me that knows I need to work to get work. Union dues are expensive. And you know what, Doug Nelson is a creep, but god he is a good actor. Usually I read off of some lackey but he was the scene partner and it was amazing. He exudes that actor/leading man chemistry that you only hear about sometimes. I also needed a shower after we were done.
But for the first time in my life, I'm really sitting here and thinking about my sexuality and issues around it. I was raised in this little bubble of unconditional love and acceptance and my sexuality has never come up because I've never dragged my girlfriends to any of the industry parties that I've gone to. Why? They don't want to go. And my roles in movies and on TV shows have been so small that no one really cares. (Although apparently I do have a fanbase. Scott told me today that there is an Adryana Matthews tag on tumblr and not everything is from my dumbass family.) I've been on stage most of the time and touring with stage productions and doing regional stage work. I sleep around. I usually don't have relationships.
And now I'm panicking because what if my sexuality really is an issue for getting work? The actors who come out are safe to do so. They aren't trying to get started.
Why the hell does this still matter?
I have a callback for Rent in an hour. I should probably take a breath, huh?