I blame no one else but myself
I sit through these frickin days like I am watching myself from a corner far away... I hate that I miss everything all the time and that I have to feel so unimportant all the time. Its real cute not having anyone to tell your dreams to and no one to lay your head on and fall asleep...I hate myself more and more with each thought of hating myself, so this cycle begins and is hard to stop. I do the stupidest things and fall for the most ridiclous ideas and I just need someone who wont push me down. Nothing makes me laugh anymore and anyone who knows me knows I am always laughing and smiling. I just sleep as much as I can and avoid any real contact with my family or make escuses that I am sick when really the only sick I feel is in my tummy from the constant distain of hating myself. My smiles and laughs are washed away with tears from feeling unwanted. I am not talking lovewise...I am talking in general terms. I am so lonely but I create the lonelyness myself and then I am upset at myself for doing that ugh... it just seems like everyone in the world has someone and that I have no one, which is not entirely true all the time but when I really need someone to talk to really bad the line is empty on the other end. Its gotten to the point where I cant concentrate on anything because my mind is so full of thoughts and worring about the other people in my life. I guess I just really dont like who I am right now and it make me really sad to admit it. I believe that one should not regret what one does in life, because those incidents, events, emotions, and "mistakes" are what make you who you are today and to regret something that you did in the past means that you are obivously not happy with who you are now. So with that I am wondering where I went wrong in my life to be so unhappy now...or better yet why I deserve to feel this way...