(no subject)
well, apparently its been 34 weeks since i last posted on here..... i think this is a good thing, as i used to post mainly when i was sad and had no one to talk to about it.
but its been awhile since that happened - i've been sad, but now i almost always have people to talk to.
this will be my last post on here, as i think its time to close the door on that time in my life when i confided in an empty box on a screen. i no longer need the anonomity that hiding behind a keyboard provided me. i can now own my feelings, problems and (of late) mistakes without being scared.
this year has not been as productive as i would have liked, partly due to my own laziness, partly due to my fear of failure. for the most part i have sunk back into my comfort zone, enjoying the warmth and familiarality of being home, with no one to push me further and question my decisions. but it is now time for me to be that person, to stop accepting feeble excuses and half hearted attempts at success and to leap wholeheartedly into the movie i've been watching, called life.
i've watched my friends travel the world, i've watched them climb up their chosen career ladder, i've watched them find love and finally enjoy it. i have had a few moments where I have joined them, truly engaging with the world, but they are gone all too soon and some, sadly, only served to make me want to retreat further into my comfortable (and now heated, thank god) shell.
but now i will watch no more. i will admit that some of my decisions this year have been the wrong ones, but i won't apologise for making them. i'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing that i do nothing at all, and that is a state that i refuse to be in anymore. this is not to say that i will change who i am completely, or even radically. i merely affirm to myself that i will not be a passenger anymore.
i will focus on what i have and not what i don't.
i will work harder than i ever have on my career(s).
i will stop making excuses for my eating habits and be healthy.
i will make new friends and reconnect with old ones.
i will only choose to commit myself to things that i can learn from.
i will feel my emotions completely and not bottle them away.
and i will find a moment in every day where i don't self analyse/criticise, but instead focus on what i can do to make my life or the lives of others that little bit brigher, slightly sharper into focus.
if you read this to the end, thankyou. you are either a true friend, or truly bored. either way, i'm sure you can tell that this was more for me to have in writing than to entertain an audience. but by reading it, you have affirmed my new outlook on life and more importantly, can remind me when i am not living it.
goodbye livejournal. hello............. ?
but its been awhile since that happened - i've been sad, but now i almost always have people to talk to.
this will be my last post on here, as i think its time to close the door on that time in my life when i confided in an empty box on a screen. i no longer need the anonomity that hiding behind a keyboard provided me. i can now own my feelings, problems and (of late) mistakes without being scared.
this year has not been as productive as i would have liked, partly due to my own laziness, partly due to my fear of failure. for the most part i have sunk back into my comfort zone, enjoying the warmth and familiarality of being home, with no one to push me further and question my decisions. but it is now time for me to be that person, to stop accepting feeble excuses and half hearted attempts at success and to leap wholeheartedly into the movie i've been watching, called life.
i've watched my friends travel the world, i've watched them climb up their chosen career ladder, i've watched them find love and finally enjoy it. i have had a few moments where I have joined them, truly engaging with the world, but they are gone all too soon and some, sadly, only served to make me want to retreat further into my comfortable (and now heated, thank god) shell.
but now i will watch no more. i will admit that some of my decisions this year have been the wrong ones, but i won't apologise for making them. i'm so afraid of doing the wrong thing that i do nothing at all, and that is a state that i refuse to be in anymore. this is not to say that i will change who i am completely, or even radically. i merely affirm to myself that i will not be a passenger anymore.
i will focus on what i have and not what i don't.
i will work harder than i ever have on my career(s).
i will stop making excuses for my eating habits and be healthy.
i will make new friends and reconnect with old ones.
i will only choose to commit myself to things that i can learn from.
i will feel my emotions completely and not bottle them away.
and i will find a moment in every day where i don't self analyse/criticise, but instead focus on what i can do to make my life or the lives of others that little bit brigher, slightly sharper into focus.
if you read this to the end, thankyou. you are either a true friend, or truly bored. either way, i'm sure you can tell that this was more for me to have in writing than to entertain an audience. but by reading it, you have affirmed my new outlook on life and more importantly, can remind me when i am not living it.
goodbye livejournal. hello............. ?