How did we get here, how the hell...?
(pan left) Have you ever wondered how you get from point a to point b sometimes? Where it feels like all of a sudden, the life that you are living is a suprise even to you? I guess I'm just in a weird contemplative mood this evening, and I'm not even entirely sure what brought it on. Felix has come back to the states, for which I am seriously grateful. He's in OK, which kinda blows, cause it's not here in FL, but at least he isn't in Korea anymore. I can keep track of what time zone he's in much easier now. I still wonder sometimes where the time has gone since we were all in high school. Watching trailers for the new movie version of "Rent'' (and not at all in an obsessive way, I assure you) has made me start thinking about it. Partly becasue of what it's about, but also because I see all of us in those characters. Felix is a cross of Angel and Mark, I feel like a freakish version of all the women and a little bit of Mark, Melissa was definitely the Maureen of the group, but with less lesbianistic traits, and Josh was Angel and Collins and a little bit of Mark. April was Mimi, but without the drugs, and Jen was a little bit of all of them, I think. Cheryl was Mark, with a little bit of Joann thrown in for good measure. Now? I have no idea where Jen is. Last time I knew was about two years ago, and she was finishing up at UF. Cheryl was in Atlanta, I think, then USF. Josh is somewhere in Jacksonville, and Melissa is getting ready to graduate from USF super soon. Felix is in the army, and me? I'm here in Ocala, just getting back to my life, but with mroe wisdom (at least, I hope so) and a little less patience to deal with the shit that it seems people everywhere are eager to give.
Apparently, the Jewish guilt sterotype is alive and well in all faiths, not just the Jewish faith, and can be found in a number of areas. My senses about faith have gone all but haywire, and I feel like there is something that I am missing when it comes to everything. Like I'll be the last to know something I should have been the first to see. If I had a million dollars, I would definitely buy some time for me. Time to think, time to be spiritual, time to be me. I think back to high school, and I feel like there is a reason that I'm supposed to only be in contact with one or two people.... I didn't have a giant, cheerleader-squad size group of friends. But the friends that I did have made me happy, and definitely shaped who I am today. They were the ones that helped me figire things out later, even if they weren't there. I actually wonder if April wasn't right about some stuff about me when we last communicated. Was there a reason that I wasn't supposed to talk to Josh for a while, then find him, only to lose communication with him once again? I seem to have a way of attracting people when I need them. By the same token, I wonder if it's me that needs them, or them that needs me. I don't mean that in a concieted way, just one of those quirks about our paths in life.
So, this whole thing wsa rather random, and I can't say I won't be more intrigued by it in the morning. But, here it is tonight, me, laid out for all to read. "For somebody whose always been let down, who's heading out of town? For someone who longs for a community of his own, who's with his camera, alone?..... I'll call..... I hate the fall."
Apparently, the Jewish guilt sterotype is alive and well in all faiths, not just the Jewish faith, and can be found in a number of areas. My senses about faith have gone all but haywire, and I feel like there is something that I am missing when it comes to everything. Like I'll be the last to know something I should have been the first to see. If I had a million dollars, I would definitely buy some time for me. Time to think, time to be spiritual, time to be me. I think back to high school, and I feel like there is a reason that I'm supposed to only be in contact with one or two people.... I didn't have a giant, cheerleader-squad size group of friends. But the friends that I did have made me happy, and definitely shaped who I am today. They were the ones that helped me figire things out later, even if they weren't there. I actually wonder if April wasn't right about some stuff about me when we last communicated. Was there a reason that I wasn't supposed to talk to Josh for a while, then find him, only to lose communication with him once again? I seem to have a way of attracting people when I need them. By the same token, I wonder if it's me that needs them, or them that needs me. I don't mean that in a concieted way, just one of those quirks about our paths in life.
So, this whole thing wsa rather random, and I can't say I won't be more intrigued by it in the morning. But, here it is tonight, me, laid out for all to read. "For somebody whose always been let down, who's heading out of town? For someone who longs for a community of his own, who's with his camera, alone?..... I'll call..... I hate the fall."