i could sleep for a thousand years
godddddd life is so dull and mundane as of late. i feel a lapse of depression coming on. i really hate when i get like this but i can't help it sometimes. i think way too much and this is a result of that. i have ZERO motivation to do ANYTHING. i can't even throw my ass in bed at a decent hour. i think there's something wrong with that because i KNOW that i need more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night yet i do not try to achieve that on the weeknights. it just takes a lot of enery to end whatever i'm doing. maybe it's just school that is draining me mentally and physically. maybe i just need more friends that actually want to hang out with me. i do have one who i love to death though. but i have to leave her in august which totally sucks ass but hopefully i'll make more in knox. college is a cool/scary thought. i think i'll be fine though cos i'm a pretty outgoing person.. shouldn't have that much trouble making friends.. unless there is a lack of cool people, then we'll have problems but i doubt it. and plus they don't know who i am so i can totally begin anew. maybe it's just that i keep hearing how much fun age 17 was supposed to be and it's just not to me. i think it's because my parents have all these insane rules about curfew and shit. 10pm, 11 if someone else they know is driving me.. which doesn't really make a lot of sense. and i can't have people over here because my mom wont leave us alone and my little sister hangs all over me and my other sister will just stand there and stare like she's never seen people hanging out with others outside of school. god she's weird. i guess she's just extremely different from me so that's why i don't understand her.. different personality types. way different. our blood is the only thing we've got in common. the only thing. being the oldest really blows a lot of ass. i don't really have any perks come to think of it and my lil sister worships me so i feel the need to set a somewhat decent example i guess. i don't know really. why do people need role models in the first place? they should be their own person. one of these days i'm just going to be like fuck it and do whatever the hell i want that will make ME happy for a change. sometimes i think i whore myself out to others, not litterally but you know what i mean. i'm just not sure how much enery i should devote on keeping others happy and how much enery i should devote to me. there are a ton of things i want to do but i need to grow the balls to do them and get over my phobias. woe is me, i'm aware of that but this is my goddamn lj and i'll write what i want to in it. kthx.
my mom fucking rearranged my room today while i was at school. i about shit a brick, no joke. who the hell does she think she is that she can just rearrange my furniture without even ASKING ME FIRST. holy motherfucking shit. it's MYYYYYYY room. don't mess with it! change freaks the hell out of me!! :( is this normal mom behavior?! get out of my space. this is so frustrating. *cries* my parents don't even knock on my door anymore. they just let themselves in whenever the hell the feel like it. i wish i had a lock or something. so now i have this huge blank wall with nothing and it bothers me. a lot. cos that means i'm gonna have to decorate cos traditional is boring. i do like the way she rearranged though.. i'm getting used to it and it is actually better but it's still the principle of the action. no respect whatsoever.. maybe i'm overeacting, who the hell knows. all matter of opinion.
my mom fucking rearranged my room today while i was at school. i about shit a brick, no joke. who the hell does she think she is that she can just rearrange my furniture without even ASKING ME FIRST. holy motherfucking shit. it's MYYYYYYY room. don't mess with it! change freaks the hell out of me!! :( is this normal mom behavior?! get out of my space. this is so frustrating. *cries* my parents don't even knock on my door anymore. they just let themselves in whenever the hell the feel like it. i wish i had a lock or something. so now i have this huge blank wall with nothing and it bothers me. a lot. cos that means i'm gonna have to decorate cos traditional is boring. i do like the way she rearranged though.. i'm getting used to it and it is actually better but it's still the principle of the action. no respect whatsoever.. maybe i'm overeacting, who the hell knows. all matter of opinion.