(no subject)
So things have been ok to say the least. My schedule is retarded and I sleep less and less. I figure I have plenty of time to rest when I am dead. I haven't seen much of anyone. I saw beth yesterday for the first time in like two weeks. I have hung out with jeremiah and alex last weekend I think it was. The problem is I have no desire to see anyone really. I find this rather interesting considering that I am such a people person. I love going out, being in the company of others and just having a plain old good time. I never like to indulge in my depression but at least I recognize the behaviors and patterns involved in it. I have been on such a high lately (not talking about maryjane unfortunately) that nothing has touched me and yet it feels like I am more alone than ever. Is it true that when one tries to better themselves that their old life and friends fade as well? Yoga has been putting things into perspective for me but how can I honestly look people in the face anymore and have no desire to be in their company? I guess my outlook has gotten sour about people in general. I know some people really suck and that is expected but what about so called "friends"? Is there really breathing room when it comes to how much they have hurt you and forgiveness? I may never know because my heart is way too big for my chest. In finding understanding I have completly isolated myself. I will go out this weekend and hopefully I will have a good time but its uncertain. Does anyone say real shit anymore? Why is it so difficult for people to lay their shit on the table? I know certain people have been talking shit about me and yes I know it...if you only listen to one half of the story and believe what is coming out of the person's mouth without asking me, then truly you are fucked up. Because everyone knows I AM THE REAL DEAL AND IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK. DON'T QUESTION IT BECAUSE YOU ARE UNSURE AND COME UP WITH YOUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT ME. I am very unpredictible and most people don't know me and what time of day it is...if you truly want to know...just ask...It has been hard for me to articulate to certain people how I feel because when things are raw I am still trying to process it. I need that time and if you can't respect that then the door is to the left. Walk out, I won't feel any way about it...If you want me in your life you'll find space for me but in the meantime I am going to keep my sanity and leave people the fuck alone...seriously
trust no one
trust a few
tust yourself
that's all you can do
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
trust no one
trust a few
tust yourself
that's all you can do
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship.
Ralph Waldo Emerson