Alan Jackson don't need no stinkin health care
As many of you may know I will soon be joining the ranks of the "unemployed" and with that will swiftly and stingily come the title "uninsured." I have been doing abundant research to try and remedy this scenario, and although I have thus been denied by more health insurance companies than a Theta Chi at a Kappa party, I remain persistent. Last week, my stunningly brilliant boyfriend used his doctor prowess to search on this beautiful machine called "google" and came up with a health insurance provider that does not preclude people from getting a rate quote the second you utter the words "pre-existing condition." (Apparently the kryptonite for health insurance applications. Damn you, wretched immune system/colon.) I filled out all the necessary drop down menus (which took me nearly 20 minutes as "DC" was listed right above West Virgina in the state drop-down box) and no sooner had I hit send that my cell phone started buzzing merrily away. With my new friend Leon's help, I filled up two pages of the memo pad I stole from the Marriot last weekend taking notes and scrutizning every angle of this so-called medical discount program. Now I'm a fairly well educated person when it comes to health care, some may even say that I've mastered health care, but I have to say these plans simply boggle my mind. Thus, Leon and I played 20 questions until he cried Uncle! and I felt that I had sufficiently determined that I was not going to be signing my life away to a worthless plan. I signed on the dotted line, with the understanding that I should I find employment before my current insurance runs out, I'm under no obligation. Feels a bit like a TV infomercial sales pitch, but whatevs. It's got prescription benefits and a PPO and I didn't qualify for Medicaid (I checked) so it's gonna have to fly for now. Since signing my life away to my good friends at 1-800-health-insurance, I've now received approximately 8-13 phone calls a day from the same provider. The first three times I was genial, as I was told that the system had not yet updated to say that Leon had indeed made his tidy commission off me and every Sam, Dick and Harry Health Insurance Sales Dude could stop calling. The system apparently updates every 24 hours. To me, this is not efficient, but I think I have learned through "experience" and by "experience" I mean my current job, that there are plenty of businesses that manage to stay afloat despite what I may politely label as very stupid business policies. By the next day, and the fourth or fifth call, I was no longer genial and was asking through gritted teeth to be removed from whatever list I was on and I was assured I would be. By day three, I was ignoring said calls. By day four, I was feeling my blood pressure sky rocket every time I saw an unknown number pop up on my caller id. By day 5, I was opening my cell phone up, and holding it next to my speakers and allowing my friends at 1-800-you're-annoying me to enjoy some lovely Toby Keith for as long as they could stand it. I don't care that it's wasting my Verizon minutes, this is war. STOP. CALLING. ME.