Statement of purpose
So, I've been radio silent for a long time. Lots of thinking about my life and working on things and getting denied and denied and fired and denied and shut down makes you really think. The disillusionment with what it takes to teach, with what you have to do to be ALLOWED to stand in front of a classroom, if thats what I actually want I came to the realization that no. I don't want it bad enough, not the teaching part anyway.
The part of teaching I loved was less actually teaching than those golden moments between myself and students where I actually connected. Helping. I liked *helping*. Particularly counseling students, defusing fights, contacting the right people to get students in abusive situations or violent ones or emotionally difficult ones where they need to be.
I constantly found my hands tied by the rules and regulations because thats not a teacher's job.
That's a social worker's job.
The burn out in both professions is high. But after about 2 months of privately tearing my shit up with 2 trips to NY for teaching fellowships that went nowhere and realizing that my goals were different than the goals of the other candidates around me, I'm redirecting myself.
I'm, uh, applying to various schools for a Masters of Social Work instead. I found out late so there are only a couple still accepting applications but once again I find myself in the "they cant say yes if you dont try." I am trying. At least I can burn out doing what I actually like rather than forcing myself into the box of teacher because I want it to be a good fit. And I did. I did want it to fit. I just dont know that it ever will on a public school level.
I'm working on my statement of purpose now for both the schools I want that are here in easy driving distance. I have a lot to say but my god, organizing my thoughts is hard when its my PURPOSE I'm trying to talk about and not prisonverse Pete/Patrick or gangbang!verse Derek/Stiles.
Aergh. Six pages feels like too much and not enough space. I want to sleep, stay awake, eat, and throw up - all at once.
So no
This entry was originally posted at http://dancinbutterfly.dreamwidth.org/838639.html. Please comment wherever you wish.
The part of teaching I loved was less actually teaching than those golden moments between myself and students where I actually connected. Helping. I liked *helping*. Particularly counseling students, defusing fights, contacting the right people to get students in abusive situations or violent ones or emotionally difficult ones where they need to be.
I constantly found my hands tied by the rules and regulations because thats not a teacher's job.
That's a social worker's job.
The burn out in both professions is high. But after about 2 months of privately tearing my shit up with 2 trips to NY for teaching fellowships that went nowhere and realizing that my goals were different than the goals of the other candidates around me, I'm redirecting myself.
I'm, uh, applying to various schools for a Masters of Social Work instead. I found out late so there are only a couple still accepting applications but once again I find myself in the "they cant say yes if you dont try." I am trying. At least I can burn out doing what I actually like rather than forcing myself into the box of teacher because I want it to be a good fit. And I did. I did want it to fit. I just dont know that it ever will on a public school level.
I'm working on my statement of purpose now for both the schools I want that are here in easy driving distance. I have a lot to say but my god, organizing my thoughts is hard when its my PURPOSE I'm trying to talk about and not prisonverse Pete/Patrick or gangbang!verse Derek/Stiles.
Aergh. Six pages feels like too much and not enough space. I want to sleep, stay awake, eat, and throw up - all at once.
So no
This entry was originally posted at http://dancinbutterfly.dreamwidth.org/838639.html. Please comment wherever you wish.