If its not one thing its another.
I think I may be graduating from Bipolar DIsorder II to Bipolar Disorder I. BPDII is characterised by hypomanic periods lasting less than a week. BPDI is characterized by manic periods lasting a minimum of one week.
My hypomanic periods prior to this have never lasted more than 6 hours. Ever. After writing down basically the first draft of the first draft of the first outline of what can be my first nonfiction book, I cataloged my behavior over the last several days with the following symptoms of mania (the ones bolded are ones I have right now)
Excessive happiness, hopefulness, and excitement
Sudden changes from being joyful to being irritable, angry, and hostile
Restlessness, increased energy, and less need for sleep
Rapid talk, talkativeness
Distractibility
Racing thoughts
High sex drive
Tendency to make grand and unattainable plans
Tendency to show poor judgment, such as impulsively deciding to quit a job
Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity -- unrealistic beliefs in one's ability, intelligence, and powers; may be delusional
Increased reckless behaviors (such as lavish spending sprees, impulsive sexual indiscretions, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or ill-advised business decisions)
You only need three to qualify as manic. The ones in italics I put because I'm not sure if I qualify or not because they apply to the writing thing.I am honestly not sure if that is a delusion. Maybe its the mania talking but I really do think I can do that. The people around me have been telling me I can for the last five plus years so I really hope that positivity, even if it is mania, doesnt fall under grandiosity. I can deal with the positivity being temporary because its gotten me moving forward in away I couldnt do before and I function very well with inertia. When the depression comes back, at least the ball will have started rolling. Depressed me can work with an in-progress situation. So I think this hopefulness symptom is actually doing some very needed breaking through the self-esteem shit I've had my whole life.
I'm just really worried about the other two. I want to believe that its not self-inflated ego or unattainable goals :-\ There's no way to know that on my own. I haven't succeeded yet. I'm just a small time fanficcer who happens to write for a webmag. What the shit do I know, you know?
We'll see how the week goes.
My hypomanic periods prior to this have never lasted more than 6 hours. Ever. After writing down basically the first draft of the first draft of the first outline of what can be my first nonfiction book, I cataloged my behavior over the last several days with the following symptoms of mania (the ones bolded are ones I have right now)
Excessive happiness, hopefulness, and excitement
Sudden changes from being joyful to being irritable, angry, and hostile
Restlessness, increased energy, and less need for sleep
Rapid talk, talkativeness
Distractibility
Racing thoughts
High sex drive
Tendency to make grand and unattainable plans
Tendency to show poor judgment, such as impulsively deciding to quit a job
Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity -- unrealistic beliefs in one's ability, intelligence, and powers; may be delusional
Increased reckless behaviors (such as lavish spending sprees, impulsive sexual indiscretions, abuse of alcohol or drugs, or ill-advised business decisions)
You only need three to qualify as manic. The ones in italics I put because I'm not sure if I qualify or not because they apply to the writing thing.I am honestly not sure if that is a delusion. Maybe its the mania talking but I really do think I can do that. The people around me have been telling me I can for the last five plus years so I really hope that positivity, even if it is mania, doesnt fall under grandiosity. I can deal with the positivity being temporary because its gotten me moving forward in away I couldnt do before and I function very well with inertia. When the depression comes back, at least the ball will have started rolling. Depressed me can work with an in-progress situation. So I think this hopefulness symptom is actually doing some very needed breaking through the self-esteem shit I've had my whole life.
I'm just really worried about the other two. I want to believe that its not self-inflated ego or unattainable goals :-\ There's no way to know that on my own. I haven't succeeded yet. I'm just a small time fanficcer who happens to write for a webmag. What the shit do I know, you know?
We'll see how the week goes.