countdown to my birthday: 8 days

[dancinbee9291]

if you're wondering what the past entry was about it's about college pretty much. basically my dad told me not to get my hopes up about chapman because it's so expensive. i've tried to explain to him that i understand that however i already know of scholarships and cal grants i can get. we've had like three arguments in two days over this. the only time i feel like i can't do this is when i talk to him. and that really hurts because dad's are supposed to be supportive. i'm really doubting myself and my future right now. i told him that i've already looked into scholarships and i KNOW how hard this is going to be to try to accumulate so much money but i know i can do it. at least... i used to. why does this all have to be so difficult? maybe my goals are too high. maybe i'm dreaming too big. i just always thought that what i wanted was very realistic. and i have such a drive and passion for what i want to do. and chapman is where i can do it. or another private university. but i'm not going to go to a state school or a junior college. not that there's anything wrong with CSUs or JCs, but they're not for me. i can't let him or anybody else make me change my mind. i have to be strong. but it's really hard to have to do this alone. can i do it?

*JO*

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVID SAMSON!!! i miss you so so so much!