Why Don't You Stay?
I reallycan't believe how much I like Richard. I really think I could fall in love with him, but I'm really scared to do it. Mainly because I don't want to get hurt again and because I have so many questions as to what our future could hold. For example, what's going to happen when he goes to North Conway? He said that he's still going to still be able to do Thirsty Thursday with us, but is that going to be the only time that I see him? He texted me when he was driving home last night and it said "You're the girl that I want" so I texted back, "You're the boy that I want". His response was, "then I'm yours". So I guess he's saying he wants to be in a relationship and yet we aren't in one(?). He won't really tell me because he wants to take me out to dinner next week and talk about it. This is driving me crazy because I just want to know now.
Yesterday before we went out, he came over. He was very snuggly and kissy. He wanted to have sex but we couldn't which blew because this would have been our first time to have the both of us be sober. We both haven't slept with anyone since the last time we tried, which was two weeks ago. And he almost threw up on me so needless to say it wasn't a splendid occasion.
I also hate how much I think about him, and how giddy I get when i comes to him. I get so excited when I know we're going to hang out. And I hate how my body doesn't hide my emotions. I blush all the time when it comes to him and my heart races when his car pulls into my driveway, I can't help but smile when I'm with him and can never stay mad long. Apparently I also get jittery when people mention his name, that's what Chelsea told him after she and I hung out the other night.
It really scares me with some of the thoughts that I have had about him and I. I think about our future and find myself wondering if I could marry him. And I think about it, and how it would be if we were to have a family together. I see him coming to family functions and spending Christmas with my parents. Itreally stinks that he's not closer with his family because then we could flip flop.
I think its wierd that there are some things about him that ususally severley bother me, but with him it doesn't phase me one bit. For example, I'm a stickler for nice teeth, and it wasn't until last month that I realized his are pretty crooked. It's really strange and wierd, so I guess that means I really do like him.
Gah I just want him to be mine and me to be his. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Yesterday before we went out, he came over. He was very snuggly and kissy. He wanted to have sex but we couldn't which blew because this would have been our first time to have the both of us be sober. We both haven't slept with anyone since the last time we tried, which was two weeks ago. And he almost threw up on me so needless to say it wasn't a splendid occasion.
I also hate how much I think about him, and how giddy I get when i comes to him. I get so excited when I know we're going to hang out. And I hate how my body doesn't hide my emotions. I blush all the time when it comes to him and my heart races when his car pulls into my driveway, I can't help but smile when I'm with him and can never stay mad long. Apparently I also get jittery when people mention his name, that's what Chelsea told him after she and I hung out the other night.
It really scares me with some of the thoughts that I have had about him and I. I think about our future and find myself wondering if I could marry him. And I think about it, and how it would be if we were to have a family together. I see him coming to family functions and spending Christmas with my parents. Itreally stinks that he's not closer with his family because then we could flip flop.
I think its wierd that there are some things about him that ususally severley bother me, but with him it doesn't phase me one bit. For example, I'm a stickler for nice teeth, and it wasn't until last month that I realized his are pretty crooked. It's really strange and wierd, so I guess that means I really do like him.
Gah I just want him to be mine and me to be his. I guess I'll have to wait and see.