i am so happy today
I for some reason (giggles) woke up in a fuckin awesome mood. I feel really good for a change, it's nice. I just keep reminding myself how lucky i am and honestly i am wearing the biggest grin ever. A smile feels so strange because it's been a wile since i have worn one this big and this genuine. But i am really starting to see things falling together. i have hope now.
Thank you Ben. For everything (as always) but for last night. You struck a nerve and i like it. I'm begining to feel the way i used to. I really feel like we have gotten a lot closer in the past couple days. We have this amazing connection and i've always known it was there, just now there is no static. Everything is comming in so clearly... i'm so sorry i didn't see things like this in the first place. i really missed out.
I have been realy collective for the past week or so and i have decided what to keep and what to throw away. Soul cleaning baby! lol. Well i gues that a little exaggerated but i am going through my box of "important" stuff. I guess i'm suddenly realizing that all the sentimental crap i put in it really isn't that "important". So i plan to throw out most of it. The jeans and t-shirt Capri panted for Ozz Fest '03. Her Slip Knot hat... sadly. I have a hard time paring with her stuff the most. I miss her. But it's not just her stuff, Dan's boxers from that one time... his t-shirts and cards he gave me. Also all the note she wrote me, as well as poetry... i have everyone one ever written and i think it's time i throw them out. They have no purpose anymore.
But it is sad when you have to throw away all this stuff that used to mean so much to you. Dan i'm over, i'm past the crap we went through. I know that what ever the case was/is we contibuted something to eachother's lives that can never be replaced. Whether that be "a few good times" or just the leraning experience. We needed what ever it was. I don't regret a thing. It is just Capri... i can't even swallow when i think of the way she left me. I really needed her... i don't blame her for leaving, i don't iwould have too. But she could have kept in touch... i needed her. everytime i wiated for her call an the phone didn't ring broke my heart. Probably more severely than Dan's break up. Just because she was my BEST FRIEND.
But i'm tired of getting myself upset there is no point to it. So i have taken all the pictures off my walls and i'm throwing my shit out. I have so much to be happy for and i refuse to let this shit get me down. these people didn't care and their absense has effected the only one who has truely stuck around through thick and thin. So forgive me Capri but i'm throwing your shit out and forgetting about you. I'm sorry but that is how it has to be, you left behind the one person who truely cares. AS far as Dan is concerned i'm sure you dont' give a shit what i do with your stuff, lol. You probably think it's weird that i still have it. It is, lol. Sorry. Consider it gone.
Ben i know you've waited a long time to hear me say this, but i don't care about that stuff anymore. You are everything to me and it's about damn time i show you that. I have said it once but i will say it agian, "i couldn't have done it with out you." Thank you.
I am so happy right now. Nothing can ruin my mood. I am going to have that adoring husband and that "no place like home" house with the white picket fence, and LOTS OF BABIES, lol. I know you hate that idea Ben but get used ot it. lol. I love you. You have helped me through a shitty past and promised me a wonderful future. You are wonderful. Thank you.
Wow my fuckin cheecks hurt! lol. Stop smiling April! lol. I can't help it. I have the best boyfriend in the whole fuckin world. hahahaha. i have bite marks! Ben i have fuckin battle wounds! lol. anyways... You are too freakin cute. I adore everything you are and treasure every moment i am blessed to ahve with you. The good ones and not-so-good ones. You could do no wrong. I love you mroe than i ever thought i could and you know something i am absolutely honored to be your girlfriend. Thank you.
Oh boy i have written a lot. I should probably shut up because if by chance someone does want to read this they will probably have a pretty deciant head ache after. lol. so on that note. i'm out.
I LOVE YOU BENJAMIN!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
<3APRIL<3
Thank you Ben. For everything (as always) but for last night. You struck a nerve and i like it. I'm begining to feel the way i used to. I really feel like we have gotten a lot closer in the past couple days. We have this amazing connection and i've always known it was there, just now there is no static. Everything is comming in so clearly... i'm so sorry i didn't see things like this in the first place. i really missed out.
I have been realy collective for the past week or so and i have decided what to keep and what to throw away. Soul cleaning baby! lol. Well i gues that a little exaggerated but i am going through my box of "important" stuff. I guess i'm suddenly realizing that all the sentimental crap i put in it really isn't that "important". So i plan to throw out most of it. The jeans and t-shirt Capri panted for Ozz Fest '03. Her Slip Knot hat... sadly. I have a hard time paring with her stuff the most. I miss her. But it's not just her stuff, Dan's boxers from that one time... his t-shirts and cards he gave me. Also all the note she wrote me, as well as poetry... i have everyone one ever written and i think it's time i throw them out. They have no purpose anymore.
But it is sad when you have to throw away all this stuff that used to mean so much to you. Dan i'm over, i'm past the crap we went through. I know that what ever the case was/is we contibuted something to eachother's lives that can never be replaced. Whether that be "a few good times" or just the leraning experience. We needed what ever it was. I don't regret a thing. It is just Capri... i can't even swallow when i think of the way she left me. I really needed her... i don't blame her for leaving, i don't iwould have too. But she could have kept in touch... i needed her. everytime i wiated for her call an the phone didn't ring broke my heart. Probably more severely than Dan's break up. Just because she was my BEST FRIEND.
But i'm tired of getting myself upset there is no point to it. So i have taken all the pictures off my walls and i'm throwing my shit out. I have so much to be happy for and i refuse to let this shit get me down. these people didn't care and their absense has effected the only one who has truely stuck around through thick and thin. So forgive me Capri but i'm throwing your shit out and forgetting about you. I'm sorry but that is how it has to be, you left behind the one person who truely cares. AS far as Dan is concerned i'm sure you dont' give a shit what i do with your stuff, lol. You probably think it's weird that i still have it. It is, lol. Sorry. Consider it gone.
Ben i know you've waited a long time to hear me say this, but i don't care about that stuff anymore. You are everything to me and it's about damn time i show you that. I have said it once but i will say it agian, "i couldn't have done it with out you." Thank you.
I am so happy right now. Nothing can ruin my mood. I am going to have that adoring husband and that "no place like home" house with the white picket fence, and LOTS OF BABIES, lol. I know you hate that idea Ben but get used ot it. lol. I love you. You have helped me through a shitty past and promised me a wonderful future. You are wonderful. Thank you.
Wow my fuckin cheecks hurt! lol. Stop smiling April! lol. I can't help it. I have the best boyfriend in the whole fuckin world. hahahaha. i have bite marks! Ben i have fuckin battle wounds! lol. anyways... You are too freakin cute. I adore everything you are and treasure every moment i am blessed to ahve with you. The good ones and not-so-good ones. You could do no wrong. I love you mroe than i ever thought i could and you know something i am absolutely honored to be your girlfriend. Thank you.
Oh boy i have written a lot. I should probably shut up because if by chance someone does want to read this they will probably have a pretty deciant head ache after. lol. so on that note. i'm out.
I LOVE YOU BENJAMIN!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
<3APRIL<3