tis been a while.....
hello yall! i do exist! lol. so i signed up for classes today. all night ones, so it should be good. im excited and nervous. i miss school, and i never thought i'd say that. wow. lol. work is going well. i still love it *knocks on wood* so yah. life is crazy. an incredibly awesome wise person once told me, "mo, i take alot of crap from people all around me, but ya know what, i shouldn't have to take crap from the ones i love because they're the ones that stand by my side, not make me walk behind their oppinion. or always feel like they're shadow when actually the spotlight is for everyone." it just hit me. duh. lol. so i have a tendency to take things personally. when i'm told something, i take it to heart and try to apply it, and sometimes, i just get down on myself. something i'm working on. oh to add to the list. lol. ya know, sometimes, i suck at getting hints, or i have "blonde" (or for me, stupid moments) when my mind just kind of chills. doesn't think, or assume, just chills. like it takes a mini-vacation. good? sometimes, but not when i'm needed. do you have those moments where you just don't catch the hints? for me, i'll catch it later, and then just feel so bad. i know it's not me, so what's up? idk. mistake? well duh! but sometimes people don't see it that way and it's hard to get them to understand, and i don't blame them. i'd be mad at me too. you hit a certain point in life where things just become "ok". nothing exciting, just "it's the norm, so i'll just deal with it." i don't want to be the norm. i want to be someone who brightens a room as i enter, or thinks of things to do on the fly that are exciting, or be a great student, or friend, or daughter, mindreader, or even girlfriend. there are things that i know i could just improve and it wasn't until i had my "aha" moment that i get it. sometimes i feel like it's too late and people snicker or are "disappointed" because "I could've made the right decision" or "you should have known to do that." too many things on my mind? maybe. should i let it affect the way i serve people around me? absolutely not, but ya know, it does. people assume im just a happy person, and yes, i am, but im still human. unfortunately, when i have a bad day, it shows. (working on that too) there are times when i feel confident and other days where i just need a little more reassurance, but don't we all? if i have a bad day, i just need reassurance that even though my day was bad, i can still have that calmness in the storm. ya know? maybe not. maybe it's me. how do i show the one(s) around me how much i truly love them? saying it isn't enough. not in my case. im one lucky girl and i don't want this to come back to me in a negative way. idk. just thoughts. so yah. take care yall! cya at swing night!