i hate this.
these past few weeks havent been too good.. at all. im getting depressed and I dont like it. i wish that he would see that his actions hurt everybody and that he isnt making it easy for anybody. he does not have a disease he has actions which made people hurt.
i feel like i was the closest to him. i told him everything and now i have nobody to talk to. even though i do have my friends. i just wasnt as close to her as i was to him. its wierd. because this kind of situation is the perfect example of where i would need to talk to him and now i cant. because i dont really wanna talk to him. he hurt me. and the rest of us.
i want to know everything so i know how to protect myself. i wanna know why. and how. i wanna know when. and for what reason. i just wanna know if he understands how i feel and what i want to change. it would feel better if i knew he was done. he really wanted to be done. for himself not just for us. i wanna feel that security.
right now i have no security. i am 'neutral' i dont feel anything. half the time its a blurr and the other half i cry. i want to know that he is strong enough. i want to feel things. i dont wanna be numb anymore.
i wanna feel like i have an escape that wouldnt turn me into him. i dont wanna be that guy who hurts everybody. i dont wanna have to feel that regret and guilt that i hurt everybody i loved.
i feel like i was the closest to him. i told him everything and now i have nobody to talk to. even though i do have my friends. i just wasnt as close to her as i was to him. its wierd. because this kind of situation is the perfect example of where i would need to talk to him and now i cant. because i dont really wanna talk to him. he hurt me. and the rest of us.
i want to know everything so i know how to protect myself. i wanna know why. and how. i wanna know when. and for what reason. i just wanna know if he understands how i feel and what i want to change. it would feel better if i knew he was done. he really wanted to be done. for himself not just for us. i wanna feel that security.
right now i have no security. i am 'neutral' i dont feel anything. half the time its a blurr and the other half i cry. i want to know that he is strong enough. i want to feel things. i dont wanna be numb anymore.
i wanna feel like i have an escape that wouldnt turn me into him. i dont wanna be that guy who hurts everybody. i dont wanna have to feel that regret and guilt that i hurt everybody i loved.