Change
I went to Aubrey's Birthday party tonight.. she turned 7. yay!
My brother Chris surprised me... he was actually COOL. I mean we didn't fight or anything.. he didn't make me feel like a piece of shit like he usually does, and has for the past 13 years of my life. We LAUGHED together. We AGREED on stuff. HE OFFERED ME A BEER--again. lol.
I think this whole thing about me and couseling and him finding out that i'm not "the perfect child" and that i'm not really a good-two-shoes has helped. I think that's probably the only reason, actually. I mean now we kind of have something in common.. he doesn't know what i've done, but i think he might suspect it. He told me to be a kid, but not be stupid. HE was stupid in Highschool. I AM STUPID in highschool.. I WANT to be stupid for once. I haven't been able to live. EVER. I've grown up to fast, and now that i'm REALLY acting my age my grandmother doesn't like it.
Well, I'm sorry. I AM HAPPY DOING WHAT I'M DOING. AND IF I FUCK UP MY LIFE THEN THAT'S MY OWN FAULT. I'll have made my bed and i'll have to sleep in it. You can't shelter me from everything. Christold me that that's what i have to avoid, being too sheltered. Because then when i get out on my own i'll explode. I'll go crazy because i wont know what to do and what not to do. There's a certain point, i guess. I don't know. I havent ever experienced it. Well then again, maybe I have. Maybe this is kind of my "explosion" I don't know. It could be. I don't care. I don't want to change. I'm fine with everything as it was. With going out and having FUN. LIVING.
My brother Chris surprised me... he was actually COOL. I mean we didn't fight or anything.. he didn't make me feel like a piece of shit like he usually does, and has for the past 13 years of my life. We LAUGHED together. We AGREED on stuff. HE OFFERED ME A BEER--again. lol.
I think this whole thing about me and couseling and him finding out that i'm not "the perfect child" and that i'm not really a good-two-shoes has helped. I think that's probably the only reason, actually. I mean now we kind of have something in common.. he doesn't know what i've done, but i think he might suspect it. He told me to be a kid, but not be stupid. HE was stupid in Highschool. I AM STUPID in highschool.. I WANT to be stupid for once. I haven't been able to live. EVER. I've grown up to fast, and now that i'm REALLY acting my age my grandmother doesn't like it.
Well, I'm sorry. I AM HAPPY DOING WHAT I'M DOING. AND IF I FUCK UP MY LIFE THEN THAT'S MY OWN FAULT. I'll have made my bed and i'll have to sleep in it. You can't shelter me from everything. Christold me that that's what i have to avoid, being too sheltered. Because then when i get out on my own i'll explode. I'll go crazy because i wont know what to do and what not to do. There's a certain point, i guess. I don't know. I havent ever experienced it. Well then again, maybe I have. Maybe this is kind of my "explosion" I don't know. It could be. I don't care. I don't want to change. I'm fine with everything as it was. With going out and having FUN. LIVING.