(no subject)
APPARENTLY NO ONE EVEN CARES!
I often wonder what it's like to have a large group of friends. Or really any sized group of friends. I don't have many friends. And those who are my friends are really only my friends during school. I feel like I have no real friends. I don't do anything on the weekends. No one ever calls me. I rarely talk to anyone outside of school.
I just feel like I have no one who can really relate to me. I feel like sometimes I'm just out on my own planet. And no one ever reaches out to save me or bring me back. I thought that I was a good friends but apparently I'm not. If I were a good friend, I think that I'd have more friends and actually do things on weekends.
Right now, my weekends consist of (1) sleeping, (2) eating everything in the house, (3) watching television, (4) staring at the computer screen, (5) cleaning...and the list could go on but the point is I DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE! I just don't understand why people don't want to hang out with me now if they know I'm not going to be around next year to hang out with.
I absolutely hate the way people are treated at school and discriminated against. People dislike people for the dumbest reasons. Like for instance, someone wears the wrong brand of clothing. Big deal. They wear it because it's (A) comfortable, (B) cheap, (C) non-comformist. I hate how society views people. It's like women have to be the skinniest little bitch and men have to be big and macho. Well there is soo much more to people than looks. And if you can't find a better reason to make fun of someone who is fat and doesn't wear the "right" kind of clothing, well then you have issues.
I talked to a friend last year about losing so many people from them all going to college. I told him that I was afraid that I wouldn't have any friends around. He told me that he once feared for that at the beginning of his senior year. But then he told me that this would be the year that i would find my real friends. Well, the only thing I found was that I don't have any real friends. They all left to college. My junior year, I would go out almost every weekend. And now I do nothing on the weekends.
It just feels like my life is falling apart and has become pathetic. My mother even told me my life is pathetic. I feel like I don't fit in with my family or with other people. I feel like there is no place for me in the world. And it hurts soo bad. Oh the things I would do to just enjoy life for one little moment.
I've always dreamed that I would have a best friend from kindergarten the whole way to the end of my life. Well that died in middle school. But I still had hope that I would make a best friend in high school and that we would do everything together. We would be inseperable. But I guess that not all dreams come true, because that one sure didn't.
In no way am I writing this to try to hurt someone. I realize that there are people out there who care about me. But I feel empty inside. I feel like I've lost all friends and hopes of friendship. No longer do I really value friendship. I've been hurt too many times to decide if it will indeed last. I just hope that college will have better results than high school did.
I can't help but wonder though if I will find a best friend or a boyfriend. Or even maybe a future husband! But I suppose that for now I should only be focusing on school work. But it's so hard going through high school with little help and guidance or just even someone to talk to along the way. I just hope that life for me can't get worse than this.
I suppose that's all for now. Sorry to waste your time...
I often wonder what it's like to have a large group of friends. Or really any sized group of friends. I don't have many friends. And those who are my friends are really only my friends during school. I feel like I have no real friends. I don't do anything on the weekends. No one ever calls me. I rarely talk to anyone outside of school.
I just feel like I have no one who can really relate to me. I feel like sometimes I'm just out on my own planet. And no one ever reaches out to save me or bring me back. I thought that I was a good friends but apparently I'm not. If I were a good friend, I think that I'd have more friends and actually do things on weekends.
Right now, my weekends consist of (1) sleeping, (2) eating everything in the house, (3) watching television, (4) staring at the computer screen, (5) cleaning...and the list could go on but the point is I DON'T LEAVE MY HOUSE! I just don't understand why people don't want to hang out with me now if they know I'm not going to be around next year to hang out with.
I absolutely hate the way people are treated at school and discriminated against. People dislike people for the dumbest reasons. Like for instance, someone wears the wrong brand of clothing. Big deal. They wear it because it's (A) comfortable, (B) cheap, (C) non-comformist. I hate how society views people. It's like women have to be the skinniest little bitch and men have to be big and macho. Well there is soo much more to people than looks. And if you can't find a better reason to make fun of someone who is fat and doesn't wear the "right" kind of clothing, well then you have issues.
I talked to a friend last year about losing so many people from them all going to college. I told him that I was afraid that I wouldn't have any friends around. He told me that he once feared for that at the beginning of his senior year. But then he told me that this would be the year that i would find my real friends. Well, the only thing I found was that I don't have any real friends. They all left to college. My junior year, I would go out almost every weekend. And now I do nothing on the weekends.
It just feels like my life is falling apart and has become pathetic. My mother even told me my life is pathetic. I feel like I don't fit in with my family or with other people. I feel like there is no place for me in the world. And it hurts soo bad. Oh the things I would do to just enjoy life for one little moment.
I've always dreamed that I would have a best friend from kindergarten the whole way to the end of my life. Well that died in middle school. But I still had hope that I would make a best friend in high school and that we would do everything together. We would be inseperable. But I guess that not all dreams come true, because that one sure didn't.
In no way am I writing this to try to hurt someone. I realize that there are people out there who care about me. But I feel empty inside. I feel like I've lost all friends and hopes of friendship. No longer do I really value friendship. I've been hurt too many times to decide if it will indeed last. I just hope that college will have better results than high school did.
I can't help but wonder though if I will find a best friend or a boyfriend. Or even maybe a future husband! But I suppose that for now I should only be focusing on school work. But it's so hard going through high school with little help and guidance or just even someone to talk to along the way. I just hope that life for me can't get worse than this.
I suppose that's all for now. Sorry to waste your time...