(no subject)

[dancexdisaster]

i was doing just FINE until i saw him last night. i felt like i was finally making progress. i get there, and i see all his friends, so of course i am worried he may be there also. so i ask his best friend who is also a very good friend of mine if he is there. and he says no. so i feel relieved. i see some people i hadn't seen in a long time and i am having a SWELL time. and THEN, his best friend, the same one who had informed me he WASN'T going to be there..comes up to me and gives me this WEIRD look. and i said "whaaaaaaaaaat?!???!!!" and he says .."he's here." i asked him if he had told him i was there, and he said "yeah he knows" <--thats' what REALLY fucking pisses me off! i immediately start crying. i get so scared and feel like throwing up! so i contimplate what to do. i go cry in the street like a little bitch and decided to go back into the party. i'm not going to let him ruin MY time. it hurt so bad seeing him. it just REMINDED me of all the pain. i just can't believe he still came after he KNEW i was there. he's such a peice of shit! if he would have been near me, i WOULD HAVE HIT HIM! i know i would have. my whole night was basically ruined after that point. and even today...i'm all fucked up over it. i keep thinking about it. replaying every little intricate detail. i'm all depressed. can't get out of bed. not eating. can't focus on anything else BUT him and how much he hurt me.

everything is falling apart.
just when i was starting to feel good.
story of my life.