(no subject)
I don't know where I am right now. (in life, I mean. I'm in my room) I feel so lost and loathsome of myself and just so...gone. I have to make some sort of change to make myself better. I can't keep looking in the mirror and hating what I see. It's not healthy and I feel like I just get worse every day. Where has my stregnth and self-confidence gone? Maybe it's just tonight...just now...but I feel weak. Like my exisitence is barely enough to keep living.
I got home tonight and couldn't make it up the stairs. I sat on the benches outside and I couldn't move for the longest time. I want to go back out there actually. I felt a little bit better when I let the night sky take my worries away. At least I felt something, sitting out there. But here, I am pouring out an empty heart and mind into this journal and it means nothing. I'm floating on some sort of unbelievable cloud and I'm scared of what will happen when I come down. I don't want to face who I am. I don't like it anymore and I don't know how to change. I'm not looking for answers on livejournal. I just want the night to talk to me again and tell me that it's all going to be better in the morning.
I got home tonight and couldn't make it up the stairs. I sat on the benches outside and I couldn't move for the longest time. I want to go back out there actually. I felt a little bit better when I let the night sky take my worries away. At least I felt something, sitting out there. But here, I am pouring out an empty heart and mind into this journal and it means nothing. I'm floating on some sort of unbelievable cloud and I'm scared of what will happen when I come down. I don't want to face who I am. I don't like it anymore and I don't know how to change. I'm not looking for answers on livejournal. I just want the night to talk to me again and tell me that it's all going to be better in the morning.