Life goes on ... So should I
So, I will be staying in the cabin at Rugby with some of my friends in March. I am actually looking forward to going. Every other time I have gone there was the worry of arguing and not getting along with people, but these people are different from almost any other friends that I have ever had. They don't care enough to argue, they have things that they are passionate about, but they don't want to argue about politics or who should be doing what. They care more about getting along. I know that I am just as guilty as anyone else when it comes to starting arguments, but things are different now. When you make friends, love friends, lose friends, find new ones ... it all starts to seem different. You learn from your experiences, you grow, and you don't want to ever go back. You don't want to wake up and find yourself reverting back to the person you used to be. I think that is why I never look back and try to get back in touch with people. I know that I have changed and I know that I HATE change. I fear change in most circumstances, but in the case of old friends I find what I fear the most is that they haven't changed. I want to know that I am not the only one that views life differently and I want to know that I am not the only one that is able to be more open minded about life in general. I want to know that I am not the only one that has become more liberal and the only one that has had a change in values. I am afraid that I will go back and learn that these people are the same people that I drifted away from and I am afraid that talking to these people will take me back to where I was. I think the person I was in high school would hate the person I am now. I don't think that I would hate her (high school me), but that is just another thing I have changed. I am better at accepting people for who they are regardless of their values and opinions.
Life keeps happening no matter what you do. I keep changing. There are things in my life that I don't want to share with other people because I fear how they will react. I fear that I will be talked about. I don't want that fear, so I don't look back. I don't reach out to those I have lost. I don't want to. I don't want to be who I was and I don't want who I was to be constantly lingering in the background.
Life keeps happening no matter what you do. I keep changing. There are things in my life that I don't want to share with other people because I fear how they will react. I fear that I will be talked about. I don't want that fear, so I don't look back. I don't reach out to those I have lost. I don't want to. I don't want to be who I was and I don't want who I was to be constantly lingering in the background.