good... and bad
i woke up from a nightmare this morning. first time since i can remember. in my dream, i knew i had to make a bunch of my friends take drugs. i forced them to do it at gunpoint. it killed them all. then everyone found about it. everyone hated me. i tried to explain to them why i had to do it... but then i realized i didn't have a reason. i just... did it. i didn't know what was wrong with me. i tried to kill myself, but nothing would work. i had to live forever, hating myself for what i did. i haven't been able to shake that feeling all day.
i found out that my family went out for dinner last night without me, to celebrate robert's spanish oral. we always celebrate things as a family. we had even decided to go on monday so everyone could make it. why don't they treat me like a person? they go out for dinner to celebrate robert's oral, but not mine. we went out for dinner on robert's birthday, but not mine. they got a cake for robert's birthday, but not mine. they payed me nothing for doing chores, but they gave robert 40 dollars a month for doing nothing. at risk of sounding like a little kid... it's NOT FAIR!
the good news is, the track meet was pretty fun. i ran 7:30 in the mile and 3:24 in the 800. i know that's slow, but those were the times i was running mid-season last year. this being the first meet, i'm excited for meets to come.
jessica luna called me today. the last time i talked to her was late september of last year. and only for about 3 minutes. it was great to take a break from all my math homework and catch up. i miss her so much...
oh look, livejournal has decided to stop being wide. now i dont have to scroll from side to side as i read everyone's entries.
the rain drops on the new pink flowers this morning were beautiful. they made me want to be happy again, because to tell you to the truth, i like being happy WAY more than being sad. sure, things have gotten better, but the way my family treats me sometimes, i just can't do it. only 18 months til college...
i found out that my family went out for dinner last night without me, to celebrate robert's spanish oral. we always celebrate things as a family. we had even decided to go on monday so everyone could make it. why don't they treat me like a person? they go out for dinner to celebrate robert's oral, but not mine. we went out for dinner on robert's birthday, but not mine. they got a cake for robert's birthday, but not mine. they payed me nothing for doing chores, but they gave robert 40 dollars a month for doing nothing. at risk of sounding like a little kid... it's NOT FAIR!
the good news is, the track meet was pretty fun. i ran 7:30 in the mile and 3:24 in the 800. i know that's slow, but those were the times i was running mid-season last year. this being the first meet, i'm excited for meets to come.
jessica luna called me today. the last time i talked to her was late september of last year. and only for about 3 minutes. it was great to take a break from all my math homework and catch up. i miss her so much...
oh look, livejournal has decided to stop being wide. now i dont have to scroll from side to side as i read everyone's entries.
the rain drops on the new pink flowers this morning were beautiful. they made me want to be happy again, because to tell you to the truth, i like being happy WAY more than being sad. sure, things have gotten better, but the way my family treats me sometimes, i just can't do it. only 18 months til college...