Ugh!
Today wasnt a great day. It had its great moments but for the most part, it sucked. I feel terrible, I feel like crying, it just sucked.
Its March. March sucks. Its almost been 1 year sense my dad died and I cannot believe it. It still feels like it was yesterday. I still remember everything, I remember all the details, it is still so vivid. I still miss him so much. He was my absolute best friend and theres still such a huge part of me missing. I just wish he was here, I know he was my biggest fan, I miss having that too. I know my momma is too but I mean.. I dont know, I cant explain it. I was daddys little girl. I'll always be daddys little girl.
Then theres Dean. Dean honey, this is to you. Its easier for me to tell u things in here rather than me say them because well, its just easier for me to put my thoughts into writing I guess. When I say that I am scared of you, it doesnt mean that I dont like you any less or that I dont think we are gonna make it or be able to be together. Actually, its a compliment, I like you enough to be scared of you. I like you enough to know that even now, if you were to suddenly turn away, I know I'd be hurt and as much as I try to do things to prevent myself from getting hurt, with you.. I already know its inevitable, because, I know I already have feelings there. The fact that I DO have feelings this soon, is what scares the hell out of me. I dont know how to be cautious of you, or try to keep ME from getting hurt when I already have feelings, I already think about you a lot, I already smile when I do think about u. Its just, my brain and my heart are fighting with each other. Dont ya hate it when that happens? I dont think youd ever hurt me purposly, I know that, and I am deeply sorry you are having to suffer consequences for things you didnt cause. But I DO want you to know that you are making me really happy. I love being around you, you make me smile (like Ive said before) but best of all you make me happy INSIDE and I havent felt that in a long time, for so long Ive had to put up a front, smile in front of ppl, because it was "the thing to do". For so long I thought if other ppl thought I was happy I could convince myself too. Dean, when I think about you, or when I smile when Im around you, its genuine. Youre making me happy and just so you know, thats a big accomplishment (haha). OH YEAH.... theres something else youre not too bad at either. wink,wink~ Goodnight baby!
Then there is dance, god I love to dance. I just think that there are some blocks that are popping up in front of me and well, I dont know what to do. I'll elaborate on that later bc im tired and its time for bed. gnight!
Amy
Its March. March sucks. Its almost been 1 year sense my dad died and I cannot believe it. It still feels like it was yesterday. I still remember everything, I remember all the details, it is still so vivid. I still miss him so much. He was my absolute best friend and theres still such a huge part of me missing. I just wish he was here, I know he was my biggest fan, I miss having that too. I know my momma is too but I mean.. I dont know, I cant explain it. I was daddys little girl. I'll always be daddys little girl.
Then theres Dean. Dean honey, this is to you. Its easier for me to tell u things in here rather than me say them because well, its just easier for me to put my thoughts into writing I guess. When I say that I am scared of you, it doesnt mean that I dont like you any less or that I dont think we are gonna make it or be able to be together. Actually, its a compliment, I like you enough to be scared of you. I like you enough to know that even now, if you were to suddenly turn away, I know I'd be hurt and as much as I try to do things to prevent myself from getting hurt, with you.. I already know its inevitable, because, I know I already have feelings there. The fact that I DO have feelings this soon, is what scares the hell out of me. I dont know how to be cautious of you, or try to keep ME from getting hurt when I already have feelings, I already think about you a lot, I already smile when I do think about u. Its just, my brain and my heart are fighting with each other. Dont ya hate it when that happens? I dont think youd ever hurt me purposly, I know that, and I am deeply sorry you are having to suffer consequences for things you didnt cause. But I DO want you to know that you are making me really happy. I love being around you, you make me smile (like Ive said before) but best of all you make me happy INSIDE and I havent felt that in a long time, for so long Ive had to put up a front, smile in front of ppl, because it was "the thing to do". For so long I thought if other ppl thought I was happy I could convince myself too. Dean, when I think about you, or when I smile when Im around you, its genuine. Youre making me happy and just so you know, thats a big accomplishment (haha). OH YEAH.... theres something else youre not too bad at either. wink,wink~ Goodnight baby!
Then there is dance, god I love to dance. I just think that there are some blocks that are popping up in front of me and well, I dont know what to do. I'll elaborate on that later bc im tired and its time for bed. gnight!
Amy