Dear , A boy.
You don't Have to do ANYTHING for me ok. I don't need you to make me feel happy, or show me the world, in fact i don't care what you do for me. Your gonna hurt my feelings regardless of what you do, but i am already aware of your nature and what you are. I know perfectly well you are no good to want. you make me destruct. You confuse me you bewilder me but i enjoy it because being treatedl ike an object must be some creepy turn on to me. Don't validate your reasons with those silly words you probably tell everyone. I should walk away i should run away from you and hide away for a zillion years in a cave and come back and see if you even remember my face. At the end of the day i know, i know you don't want this . i never expect much from you anymore. you've always been a disappointment. but i have this unrequited love for people who have no clue what they want, because im liek oh i'll make them realize. whatever! Fuck you, fuck this. Its not even like i am angry i am just annoyed. annoyed at myself for getting sucked into you.. your liek a venomous spider with glowing red eyes that has this beautiful angel disguise thats like oh i am so great. but then once yu get trapped in your web itsl ike ah your eyes they suck me into you, your eyes are full of pretty things. seriously. its like awe i swear a puppy dog is looking at me rightn ow with such innocence and tender love i just can't help but fail miserably when it comes to not feelign anything at all for you. I voided you out forever and i know i could do it again. But your like a fucking cake if i know it is there i am gonna take a slice. I knew this shit was gonna fall onto me that this living in the moment shit was dumb becuasei knew i would get drawn in. Your like a magnet but your really just a forcefield. you don't want anything other than what you know. i understand that though. fuck i understand that better then most. I think this is like a pretty pavement to hell. And as much as my desires for you shien through i will have to hide it and ignore it. lock it up and conceal it forever. intentions are so stupid. you don;t knwo i don't know either. i don't mind. im not concerned about your actions i am used to your actions being ill thought out. Its not passionate. its only passionate because i want you... which is so retarded, this is just a never ending cycle with you. its just liek come on..get outta this stupid thing. just like lie to myself to untangle my thoughts. You make yourself sound so very concerned to and thats what kills its liek oh he really cares he does, he hearts me in a way. but no thats just an excuse for me to protect you and to avoid logic... i love how i shut out complete logic for the likes of people. If i wasn;t a stupid people pleaser i wouldn't get into this. You don't want to hurt me but you don't know what you want so all you want to give me is a really heart felt friendship..which is like amazing to me cause i always wanted that..always but i don't think it could be that great. I don't know what your shoving under the carpet with that.. saying your nto ruling out other things later one..welll i think you are just beating around the bush with this and just don't want to say to me that i am not your type and i never will be. mean whatever i am a sensitive case i realize that but i promise id get over it as soon as it happened. i just find someone else to waste another century on. cause for some reason i feed off of loving others. i feel the need to love somebody whether its a boy or just a bestfriend. its like i must show affection or be shown affection to feel like i am alive. I need to not validate myself by making others happy...what the fuck makes me happpy, i thought i knew.. but i guess the truth is i have no clue. You don't wanna be my heartache you don't have it in you...well i cried anyways. and i never ever have cried over you.. ever1 cause i always knew it wasn't worth it..but whats dumb is i cried over you for a second and then though of the one boy who was my best friend in the whole world and cried over him..because the friendship you want is what i had with him.. and i got so upset at the fact that i can't have him. Which is selfish. so im over that thought. ts jsutl ike ugh everything leads to another one button and im crying. the other i am just angry as all get out .I don't knwo if i should just walk away from you and say fuck this... cause i am not gonna wait around for you even though it seems liek thats what i do. but i dont. i just happen to always be lonely . How convienient is that... and you know what if anyone reads this i don't care if i need spell check fuck you. I am typing really fast and just thinking. Fuck this passion bullshit its stupid. if your so passionate.. then wtf is the problem. lol this is just stupid. and grrrr.