Changes?
OK,so... since last week my minds been wondering, and I've been thinking a lot.
Bill IS the ONLY stable thing in my life, I admit that right now.. and its nice. But for about 2 weeks hes had an attitude, and our "six flags adventure" proved to me that althought HE'S stable in MY life, the only thng is his life that he will ever be willing to devote himself to constantly is his work. The night before six flags we all slept at Donny's house. And Donny had just enough space is sleep everyone comfortably, but Bill insisted on sleeping on the floor next to the bed i was sleeping on, what the fuck... be a 19 year old virgin if you want but show some kind of affection. I've been asked so many times if our not having sex bothered me and made me feel unattractive, and it didnt at all until the night befre six flags, i wasnt offended at all... but it was almost like he didnt want to be anywhere near me, like he was rejecting me. I dont know, its stupid... he just acts like an old extremly religous man, I always call him an old man too. Then at six flags ofcoarse I could even smoke "in his presence" so oi was starting to get bitchy. And he wouldnt go on any rollercoasters until me and Donny got on his case then finally he started going on em.
Shane, Trick, Sami, jeff, and Bobby were all there too... and after calling em a few times finally i ran into em when they were getting on to superman... boby was alone and i would be going on alone too so they suggesated i went on sitting next to bobby, not a bsad oidea right?, well Donny (Bill's best friend) heard and told Bill that I was going to start going on rollercoasters with other guys if he didnt go on with me,and i think tat what finally convinced him even though i dont see what the big deal about going on a rollercoaster with a friend is?, anyway after i got off superman we ended up running into em to as tgey ere looking at their pictures, i stopped and talked to em hugging everyone and saying hi (I hadnt seen most of em sence FrightFest, and trick since GOTJ04!) so needless to say I was pumped to see em. I've always been big with my friends, no matter how often i do or dont see em as long as you dont ever fuck me over then we're cool and i'll do almost anything to help you and to be a good friend... and how dare Meghan, Donny, Bill, DJ, and Jaimie walk away from me when i was saying hi to my long lost firends, its not like i was talking to emfor an hour, just a few minutes, not even. After that they ate, and vented to bill and he told me i need to lighten up and be nice... egh. We ran into my friends a few times, each time donny, bill, meghan , dj , and jaimie kept walking away from me, which made me increasingly irate... what is that? who does that?... its disrespetful and inconsiderate. I saw JuggaloJesus and his mom there, haha.
I hung out with Kayla and her boyfriend chris for a few minutes too, I abso fuckin lutely loooooooooove kayla. And she snuck me a few newports while i was sitting w/ her and chris... i sucked em doiwn so fuckin fast while i stayed off a ride that the boys went on.
anyway... the whole point of this post... I dont know what to do about Bill, in the beigning he was so nice, and pretty much worshiped the ground i walked on. But now its ridiculous, he makes me feel unatractive and worthless, but hes in my life and stable ( i love having something, someone stable in my life) and even though he doesnt express his feelings very well I know he would do anytihng for me if I was ever in trouble. i dont know, maybe its time for a break... and then we'll see how it goes. He is an immature workaholic virgin whoi thinks hes an old man... afraid of fun and girls he just doesnt know how to live life as a 19 year old, who knows where this is going.
I still dontknow exactly whats going on with the providence show, Damian said Im definityl going with them even if he has to drag me w/ em... but I still dont know what will actually edn up happening, after the horrorcore.com shit talking im not THRILLED about seeing Mattrix, and im almst eager to see what Jay(or as damian calls him "fat chink") will say to me. Im prtty sure Bills not happy about me going to providence for the 2nd time in 2 weeks either, but hes going to maine soo... does he ant me to sit around? I think it might be break time, who knows. honestly I wish I knew what to do with myself.
I want to write a book.
Bill IS the ONLY stable thing in my life, I admit that right now.. and its nice. But for about 2 weeks hes had an attitude, and our "six flags adventure" proved to me that althought HE'S stable in MY life, the only thng is his life that he will ever be willing to devote himself to constantly is his work. The night before six flags we all slept at Donny's house. And Donny had just enough space is sleep everyone comfortably, but Bill insisted on sleeping on the floor next to the bed i was sleeping on, what the fuck... be a 19 year old virgin if you want but show some kind of affection. I've been asked so many times if our not having sex bothered me and made me feel unattractive, and it didnt at all until the night befre six flags, i wasnt offended at all... but it was almost like he didnt want to be anywhere near me, like he was rejecting me. I dont know, its stupid... he just acts like an old extremly religous man, I always call him an old man too. Then at six flags ofcoarse I could even smoke "in his presence" so oi was starting to get bitchy. And he wouldnt go on any rollercoasters until me and Donny got on his case then finally he started going on em.
Shane, Trick, Sami, jeff, and Bobby were all there too... and after calling em a few times finally i ran into em when they were getting on to superman... boby was alone and i would be going on alone too so they suggesated i went on sitting next to bobby, not a bsad oidea right?, well Donny (Bill's best friend) heard and told Bill that I was going to start going on rollercoasters with other guys if he didnt go on with me,and i think tat what finally convinced him even though i dont see what the big deal about going on a rollercoaster with a friend is?, anyway after i got off superman we ended up running into em to as tgey ere looking at their pictures, i stopped and talked to em hugging everyone and saying hi (I hadnt seen most of em sence FrightFest, and trick since GOTJ04!) so needless to say I was pumped to see em. I've always been big with my friends, no matter how often i do or dont see em as long as you dont ever fuck me over then we're cool and i'll do almost anything to help you and to be a good friend... and how dare Meghan, Donny, Bill, DJ, and Jaimie walk away from me when i was saying hi to my long lost firends, its not like i was talking to emfor an hour, just a few minutes, not even. After that they ate, and vented to bill and he told me i need to lighten up and be nice... egh. We ran into my friends a few times, each time donny, bill, meghan , dj , and jaimie kept walking away from me, which made me increasingly irate... what is that? who does that?... its disrespetful and inconsiderate. I saw JuggaloJesus and his mom there, haha.
I hung out with Kayla and her boyfriend chris for a few minutes too, I abso fuckin lutely loooooooooove kayla. And she snuck me a few newports while i was sitting w/ her and chris... i sucked em doiwn so fuckin fast while i stayed off a ride that the boys went on.
anyway... the whole point of this post... I dont know what to do about Bill, in the beigning he was so nice, and pretty much worshiped the ground i walked on. But now its ridiculous, he makes me feel unatractive and worthless, but hes in my life and stable ( i love having something, someone stable in my life) and even though he doesnt express his feelings very well I know he would do anytihng for me if I was ever in trouble. i dont know, maybe its time for a break... and then we'll see how it goes. He is an immature workaholic virgin whoi thinks hes an old man... afraid of fun and girls he just doesnt know how to live life as a 19 year old, who knows where this is going.
I still dontknow exactly whats going on with the providence show, Damian said Im definityl going with them even if he has to drag me w/ em... but I still dont know what will actually edn up happening, after the horrorcore.com shit talking im not THRILLED about seeing Mattrix, and im almst eager to see what Jay(or as damian calls him "fat chink") will say to me. Im prtty sure Bills not happy about me going to providence for the 2nd time in 2 weeks either, but hes going to maine soo... does he ant me to sit around? I think it might be break time, who knows. honestly I wish I knew what to do with myself.
I want to write a book.