(no subject)
So I absolutely love working in the ER. Its only been 3 days, but I honestly am so excited about it. The people I work with seem really great too. Theyre also very understanding to the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing.
Which brings me to the next point. The reason I currently am not sleeping.
I had my first real code today. I did compressions (cpr) for the first time. I wasnt going to, I told myself that the first code I would just watch, but everyone encouraged me to do it , even though I was scared.
I'm glad I did. But I know that I'm not going to be able to get that image or feeling out of my head for a while, atleast until I get a little more used to this. I was up on a bed, pushing my palms into this mans chest to make his heart beat. From my point of view I could see the machine pacing, and every compression I did making his heart rate go faster. I could see the respiratory therapists pumping the bag to fill his lungs, and I could see the nurses pushing drugs to try an get him to respond.
I didnt know this man, I never saw his family and I dont even remember his name. But I know that I will see his face for a long time. I cant help but feel sad that he didnt make it, and that no one was there with him while it happened. I know that not everyone can die at 90 years old surrounded by family and loved ones, but you cant help but wonder why certain things happen to certain people.
I think, I hope anyway, that this kind of thing will get easier as I get more experience. But lying in bed next to blake and watching his chest rise and fall, just makes me wonder how one persons heart is beating, and another persons stopped.
It does make it a little easier having faith and knowing everything happens for a reason, everyone has their time. But people going unexpectedly is something I always have, and will definetly struggle with. Learning to not take my work home with me is going to be another.
Its going to be okay. This is just another one of those life lessons we all go through to make us a little stronger and a little wiser. I'm just going to have to accept the things I see, and maybe not question it too much. After all; its, for the most part, out of my hands. I just have to take what I can from it, learn what I can from it, and move on. It might just take me a little while. We all know how emotional and analytical I am. Sometimes, those are a complicated mix.
Which brings me to the next point. The reason I currently am not sleeping.
I had my first real code today. I did compressions (cpr) for the first time. I wasnt going to, I told myself that the first code I would just watch, but everyone encouraged me to do it , even though I was scared.
I'm glad I did. But I know that I'm not going to be able to get that image or feeling out of my head for a while, atleast until I get a little more used to this. I was up on a bed, pushing my palms into this mans chest to make his heart beat. From my point of view I could see the machine pacing, and every compression I did making his heart rate go faster. I could see the respiratory therapists pumping the bag to fill his lungs, and I could see the nurses pushing drugs to try an get him to respond.
I didnt know this man, I never saw his family and I dont even remember his name. But I know that I will see his face for a long time. I cant help but feel sad that he didnt make it, and that no one was there with him while it happened. I know that not everyone can die at 90 years old surrounded by family and loved ones, but you cant help but wonder why certain things happen to certain people.
I think, I hope anyway, that this kind of thing will get easier as I get more experience. But lying in bed next to blake and watching his chest rise and fall, just makes me wonder how one persons heart is beating, and another persons stopped.
It does make it a little easier having faith and knowing everything happens for a reason, everyone has their time. But people going unexpectedly is something I always have, and will definetly struggle with. Learning to not take my work home with me is going to be another.
Its going to be okay. This is just another one of those life lessons we all go through to make us a little stronger and a little wiser. I'm just going to have to accept the things I see, and maybe not question it too much. After all; its, for the most part, out of my hands. I just have to take what I can from it, learn what I can from it, and move on. It might just take me a little while. We all know how emotional and analytical I am. Sometimes, those are a complicated mix.