Boobie Snacks
My time nursing Mina is done.
I have been nursing her 2x a day for quite a while (once in the morning, once at night - either right after work or right before bed). Lately she hasn't been too interested in it. She is an active, engaged kid and the last thing she wants is a boob in her face when there are exciting things going on around her.
For a long time we've called my breastfeeding her a "boobie snack" ala Scoobie Doo. Quantity wise, the milk she's been getting from me at these times though still liquid gold (human milk goes for something like $5 an ounce or something) and filled with nutrients and snuggle time, she's been getting less and less of it. Your body makes less of it if your child is demanding less of it. We are after all, efficient machines! She would eat for shorter and shorter times, or sometimes she'd not be interested at all. Something clicked for me this week. With the rare times where she is kind of emotionally needy (super tired, too much stimulation and needs just to tune out, or sad and hurting due to teething) it was *me* putting this nursing on her. Sure, sometimes she'd want to do it, but it seemed more because there was a boob in her face and less because she wanted to do it. She sought it out on Monday, but really, I think that a bottle or just snuggling quiet with her would have sufficed to calm her.
Mornings are tough when we are trying to get up, showered, breakfasted and boob the baby before work. Evenings are tough when we are trying to get dinner, bath, things done, me off to dance class on Tuesday and Thursdays and then boobing the baby (yes, "boob" and "boobing" have become verbs in our home). She slept over at my sister's house last Saturday and so she didn't boob that night or morning. My right side was super swollen Sunday morning having not been emptied (and I didn't pump - as my supply has been less and the frequency of feedings less, it has not been necessary to pump when I am away from her), so I fed her around noon or so when we got home for a bit (she didn't want it for too long, but it took some pressure off me). Since then I've been trying to do the 2x a day thing, but most often she just isn't interested after a couple of minutes.
All along I wanted to nurse until it just didn't feel right anymore. I had so many issues early on that I've posted about here. I still have scars on my nipples from the early cracking/bleeding/infection I had (who knew that I'd have a bad reaction to the lanolin stuff that everyone tells you to slather on) and I wonder if they will ever not be visible. I'm a bit more droopy, a bit more stretch marky. But I knew that breastfeeding wasn't about pretty breasts (that's what foundation garments are for, right?!).
I gave - literally - of my self for my daughter to have the best stuff available while it worked for us to do so. Starting to wean earlier this summer just killed me. I was really happy to not have to pump at work anymore though (and it made our Star Wars Celebration trip easier, less pumping required for me). It was such a relief to drop those sessions. Despite trying all the right things, talking to the right people, throwing a lot of money at the problem between different nursing pillows, a stool for my feet, tea and supplements, meditation, all the right 'stuff' with me for pumping, different sized flanges and paying out of pocket to see a lactation consultant (oh, and renting a hospital grade pump), I STILL had such issues letting down to the pump. When I was exclusively nursing, I'd have no issue feeding her and producing on the weekends. She'd eat at will and be satisfied. Pumping, I was always killing myself to keep up with her bottles at daycare. Of course, they tend to drink more in the bottle than at the boob (something about all the fat being mixed together in the bottle - think unhomogenized milk), where the super heavy fat naturally in the boob's hindmilk tells the baby that they are done on that side and they stop drinking). But I digess.
I still cannot adequately express what an amazing, primal connection this whole experience has been. When right after she was born and she was placed on my chest still covered in goo, and she went rooting around and just latched on like a champ while my husband, my mom and I all sobbed over what had just taken place in that room. In those early days where she was so tired she would fall asleep nursing, and so she was pretty much eating all freaking day long to get adequate nutrition (remember when our girl was underweight?!). On those horrible nights of teething when the only thing that would calm her was to be on my boob, in our bed. When she would scream at the Pedi after immunizations, and putting her on the boob would calm her there. Feeling her teeny body on my lap or looking at her all peacefully passed out due to a milk coma on the Boppy or curled into the nook of my lap/belly in bed, nursing while half asleep. It has just been amazing. I'm a snuggly person, and sometimes the experience was too intense for me.
I knew I could not nurse her forever. I wasn't setting out to meet X months or years. I figured, we would all know when it was time to move on. And so it is.
I am finally, truly OK with this. Not needing to worry about nursing her before and after work will be a small lift. Wearing underwire bras again will be nice. I took a decongestant today for the first time in forever, as even the ones safe for their impact on breast milk can still have a decreasing effect on your supply!
Seeing her grow and become less a baby and more a little person, and seeing her have no interest in this anymore. It is both exciting and sad.
For all of the work, pain, exhaustion and see-sawing emotions, I am so glad I gave this a chance and stuck it out as long as I did. Just amazing! I will look back on the photos of her nursing and listen to the little iphone sound clip of her doing it probably well into her adult years. My little boob monster.
I have been nursing her 2x a day for quite a while (once in the morning, once at night - either right after work or right before bed). Lately she hasn't been too interested in it. She is an active, engaged kid and the last thing she wants is a boob in her face when there are exciting things going on around her.
For a long time we've called my breastfeeding her a "boobie snack" ala Scoobie Doo. Quantity wise, the milk she's been getting from me at these times though still liquid gold (human milk goes for something like $5 an ounce or something) and filled with nutrients and snuggle time, she's been getting less and less of it. Your body makes less of it if your child is demanding less of it. We are after all, efficient machines! She would eat for shorter and shorter times, or sometimes she'd not be interested at all. Something clicked for me this week. With the rare times where she is kind of emotionally needy (super tired, too much stimulation and needs just to tune out, or sad and hurting due to teething) it was *me* putting this nursing on her. Sure, sometimes she'd want to do it, but it seemed more because there was a boob in her face and less because she wanted to do it. She sought it out on Monday, but really, I think that a bottle or just snuggling quiet with her would have sufficed to calm her.
Mornings are tough when we are trying to get up, showered, breakfasted and boob the baby before work. Evenings are tough when we are trying to get dinner, bath, things done, me off to dance class on Tuesday and Thursdays and then boobing the baby (yes, "boob" and "boobing" have become verbs in our home). She slept over at my sister's house last Saturday and so she didn't boob that night or morning. My right side was super swollen Sunday morning having not been emptied (and I didn't pump - as my supply has been less and the frequency of feedings less, it has not been necessary to pump when I am away from her), so I fed her around noon or so when we got home for a bit (she didn't want it for too long, but it took some pressure off me). Since then I've been trying to do the 2x a day thing, but most often she just isn't interested after a couple of minutes.
All along I wanted to nurse until it just didn't feel right anymore. I had so many issues early on that I've posted about here. I still have scars on my nipples from the early cracking/bleeding/infection I had (who knew that I'd have a bad reaction to the lanolin stuff that everyone tells you to slather on) and I wonder if they will ever not be visible. I'm a bit more droopy, a bit more stretch marky. But I knew that breastfeeding wasn't about pretty breasts (that's what foundation garments are for, right?!).
I gave - literally - of my self for my daughter to have the best stuff available while it worked for us to do so. Starting to wean earlier this summer just killed me. I was really happy to not have to pump at work anymore though (and it made our Star Wars Celebration trip easier, less pumping required for me). It was such a relief to drop those sessions. Despite trying all the right things, talking to the right people, throwing a lot of money at the problem between different nursing pillows, a stool for my feet, tea and supplements, meditation, all the right 'stuff' with me for pumping, different sized flanges and paying out of pocket to see a lactation consultant (oh, and renting a hospital grade pump), I STILL had such issues letting down to the pump. When I was exclusively nursing, I'd have no issue feeding her and producing on the weekends. She'd eat at will and be satisfied. Pumping, I was always killing myself to keep up with her bottles at daycare. Of course, they tend to drink more in the bottle than at the boob (something about all the fat being mixed together in the bottle - think unhomogenized milk), where the super heavy fat naturally in the boob's hindmilk tells the baby that they are done on that side and they stop drinking). But I digess.
I still cannot adequately express what an amazing, primal connection this whole experience has been. When right after she was born and she was placed on my chest still covered in goo, and she went rooting around and just latched on like a champ while my husband, my mom and I all sobbed over what had just taken place in that room. In those early days where she was so tired she would fall asleep nursing, and so she was pretty much eating all freaking day long to get adequate nutrition (remember when our girl was underweight?!). On those horrible nights of teething when the only thing that would calm her was to be on my boob, in our bed. When she would scream at the Pedi after immunizations, and putting her on the boob would calm her there. Feeling her teeny body on my lap or looking at her all peacefully passed out due to a milk coma on the Boppy or curled into the nook of my lap/belly in bed, nursing while half asleep. It has just been amazing. I'm a snuggly person, and sometimes the experience was too intense for me.
I knew I could not nurse her forever. I wasn't setting out to meet X months or years. I figured, we would all know when it was time to move on. And so it is.
I am finally, truly OK with this. Not needing to worry about nursing her before and after work will be a small lift. Wearing underwire bras again will be nice. I took a decongestant today for the first time in forever, as even the ones safe for their impact on breast milk can still have a decreasing effect on your supply!
Seeing her grow and become less a baby and more a little person, and seeing her have no interest in this anymore. It is both exciting and sad.
For all of the work, pain, exhaustion and see-sawing emotions, I am so glad I gave this a chance and stuck it out as long as I did. Just amazing! I will look back on the photos of her nursing and listen to the little iphone sound clip of her doing it probably well into her adult years. My little boob monster.