(no subject)
i am in such a horrible mood.... don't talk to me today.... what i can't believe that i was such an idiot to actually believe him.... what i can't believe is that i was so naive to not have seen right through him.... grrrr..... it just pisses me off..... i was crying on the bus today... well almost... i tried not to cry but i just couldn't hold it in... i had to let my tears roll.... it was inevitable..... i just don't understand a lot of things.... why can't someone be happy for me when i just want some sympathy.... why can't i get sypathy? why must i mistrust everyone, why can't i trust them..... why are they not trustworthy.... why am i so stupid? why do i still care? i don't know..... it's as if i can't help it..... but i can but i guess i don't want to stop caring.... i just don't know who i am anymore..... i just lost myself in this world... this stupid world.... this world in which i am crying as i am writing this so i cannot see what i am typing.... but i hope i am doing a pretty good job cuz i am trying to type off of memory of the keyboard...... i just don't understand why some people have to be liars.... ok i do understand it but i don't understand that i am the one always being lied to... sigh*.... it's just that i am hated by all..... i just don't want to be controlled by anyone.... why must i always be the one meeting the jerks..... i just don't have any strength at al in me to do anything today.... i just don't think that i even deserve to live... do you how much one person can ruin with one statement? I am not talking about Sam telling me about her bio class.... i am talking about what was said during her bio class.............. what am i to people? just something that everyone can get a chance to make fun of? i don't want to be treated like this anymore..... i want some respect.... but where will i find it.... no one is willing to respect me.... no one wants to give me a chance.... i am just so lonely in this world..... i probably just need some space... but that has never worked out for me..... i don't care that he still admits that we went out... i don't care that he denies it..... i don't care about that... i could care less if he denied it..... i just want to be left alone.... out of his life somehow... but i just can't get out of my life..... i am so lost..... i want to be back in the beginning of this school year right now....