hmmmm
I've actually tried to reach out to old friends and start up some new relationships. I went to see Amiee at UCSD and I had a good time. She bought me lunch. It was just kind of nice knowing that someone would take time out of there day to hang out with me. With other people I really doubt them sometimes. Everyone complains about the drive to come visit me. So no one makes it. Its just depressing when you don't get to see people and the only reason you can think of is that you are an inconvinience. "You aren't worth a 25 minute drive honestly, I really don't want to see you that much... its kind of a hassle. But hey if you want to hang out give me a call when you are down here." Why would I want to drive to come see you on any regular basis when you wouldn't dream of doing the same? but I do....and I do too much. And I care too much... and I try too hard and no one really cares. I try to help my friends, but I feel no effort from them to keep a connection. Or when they are oblivious to what they are doing that obviously is killing me. I don't know... I thought people would be more sensitive or show some common sense. But I am really finding that just because you were friends with someone in high school or you thought you were close, it doesn't mean you really are. Highschool relationships, intimate relationships, work relationships... almost everything means very little once the initial bubble has been burst. Im very glad that there are a few exceptions to each of those... but it just goes to show you... most of the people you know... you dont really know and the people that you think know you very well... while they might know a lot of facts and history about you... a lot of the times lack knowledge of your feelings, emotions, reactions and thoughts.
What saddens me more than anything is my desire to stay locked up in my room until I leave for school. Where I will most likely stay locked up in my room waiting to come back home.
And I hate livejournal and I hate myspace and I hate aim because all it does is eat up all my time and then upsets me to no end.
Im getting a new cell phone... not like it matters... I havent even gotten a call from anyone in like a week.
What saddens me more than anything is my desire to stay locked up in my room until I leave for school. Where I will most likely stay locked up in my room waiting to come back home.
And I hate livejournal and I hate myspace and I hate aim because all it does is eat up all my time and then upsets me to no end.
Im getting a new cell phone... not like it matters... I havent even gotten a call from anyone in like a week.