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i still haven't replied to comments and i apologize. i am working on trying to get back to everyone, but i'm throwing too many unnecessary events in my life. in the past few days, i don't think i've been alone much, besides to sleep. i want to share the stories about these other boys that i have in my life that consume all my life now, but i'm
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i'm at the point where i'm like
wtf i'm 17.. i don't want a boyfriend. i want friends, and i want to meet guys and have them as friends. i'm at the point where i feel independent enough to live for my own wants and needs. i'm not ready for a serious relationship let alone another boyfriend. i don't have the time.. and honestly this isn't even the perfect time for me at all.
not like that's going to break any guys' hearts or anything, but the realization that i let one guy completely take over my entire mind is a shock. i never thought i'd let a guy do that to me, especially him. i let him control my own decisions over my own; i always thought i was making up excuses like he said i was and that i was the fault for nearly everything that had happened after we broke up. and the funny thing is, the clearest memory of him is of him raising his voice to me on his porch. really. if we were married/on the verge of divorce, i would've considered it an abusive marriage right away. the ending of it all was the absolute worst thing a person could go through, and i don't think i can ever bring it upon myself to forgive & forget what the did to me.
and that just goes to show, an extremely sweet guy you meet and fall in love with from x months ago could easily change their personality and views on things INSTANTLY after moving away to college/changing their environment and the people around them.
sometimesit's just not worth waiting around for. every girl needs to see that, and unfortunately, i think we all have to find that out in some point of our lives. every girl gets their heart broken at least once
because once you get your heart broken, you appreciate love more. you know what love is.
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it took me four.5 years to get over my first love and i was only fucking 14. i really thought i was never going to love again and look at me now.
i still feel like i need to be independent and make sure i know how to support myself first because if shit goes down, i am not going down with it. but i can't just throw bernard out of my life and we're at the stage right now where we're both trying to figure out how we find ourselves without pushing each other away.
you're so smart with the whole "i'm not ready for a serious relationship let alone another boyfriend," because i thought that for so long but throughout highschool, i fell into so many other relationships and i wasn't ready for it.
i'm so happy that you're at this point in your life because, as cliche as this sounds and as much as i say it, you deserve so much more. with time, you might actually forgive him because you'll accept him as the asshole and understand the things he did to you, even though that sounds totally crazy.
i don't think one heartbreak is really enough because in the end, it's all the heartbreaks that make the love so much stronger and deeper. i hope this all made sense.
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