(no subject)
Ian and I went to the John Mayer concert tonight with my cousin Anna and her mate Ryan. Wasn't too bad at all. Enjoyed it very much so.
I was leaning on Ian a bit because, well, I'm lazy.
He hugged me a bit too. I kept tensing up. Towards the end of the night I got use to it and let him give me hugs here and there. When he'd let go, I hated him so much. It's amazing how in a concert hall full of people how alone you can feel.
Lo-tel played first up, Ian and I went outside for food and drinks, when John came on, Ian went off to get another drink and i was wating by the door, and he came up and gave me a peck on the lips.
So i was freaking. After the concert we were sitting there and I asked why he did that, and if he kissed all his female friends like that on the lips ... and he just said "Yeah, all the time."
So still figure this is all just to dick around with other girls.
I hate the fact that he's made me so weak. Hate the fact that I'm still pinning away over him, still can't sleep much at night.
I guess you really can't rely on anyone else ever. I always thought that if everything else in my life went nuts, then atleast I had love, or the idea that one day I will have love.
And the thing is, he made me believe that he loved me, and I thought I loved him, I think I still do.
But my point is, that he told me he loved me, then just all of a suddern took it away and expected us to be friends.
I'm sick of mind games.
I'm sick of his excuses.
I'm sick of being so pathetic. I say i want a rebound boy, and that I'm over him, but I'm not. How can I be.
Last Sunday i sat there crying as he told me he really loved me and that he didn't want to hurt me. But if he really loved me, how could he just sit there and watch me cry?
I asked him that, and he said "It's not easy"
So he could stand to watch me cry, but it wasn't easy??? Must've taken alot of effort.
The way I see it, if someone really does love another person as much as he insisted, then they would never do anything to hurt them, LIKE FUCKING DUMP THEM !
They would go out of their way to make them happy, and not hurt BY FUCKING DUMPING THEM.
I'm pathetic. Sorry.
I was leaning on Ian a bit because, well, I'm lazy.
He hugged me a bit too. I kept tensing up. Towards the end of the night I got use to it and let him give me hugs here and there. When he'd let go, I hated him so much. It's amazing how in a concert hall full of people how alone you can feel.
Lo-tel played first up, Ian and I went outside for food and drinks, when John came on, Ian went off to get another drink and i was wating by the door, and he came up and gave me a peck on the lips.
So i was freaking. After the concert we were sitting there and I asked why he did that, and if he kissed all his female friends like that on the lips ... and he just said "Yeah, all the time."
So still figure this is all just to dick around with other girls.
I hate the fact that he's made me so weak. Hate the fact that I'm still pinning away over him, still can't sleep much at night.
I guess you really can't rely on anyone else ever. I always thought that if everything else in my life went nuts, then atleast I had love, or the idea that one day I will have love.
And the thing is, he made me believe that he loved me, and I thought I loved him, I think I still do.
But my point is, that he told me he loved me, then just all of a suddern took it away and expected us to be friends.
I'm sick of mind games.
I'm sick of his excuses.
I'm sick of being so pathetic. I say i want a rebound boy, and that I'm over him, but I'm not. How can I be.
Last Sunday i sat there crying as he told me he really loved me and that he didn't want to hurt me. But if he really loved me, how could he just sit there and watch me cry?
I asked him that, and he said "It's not easy"
So he could stand to watch me cry, but it wasn't easy??? Must've taken alot of effort.
The way I see it, if someone really does love another person as much as he insisted, then they would never do anything to hurt them, LIKE FUCKING DUMP THEM !
They would go out of their way to make them happy, and not hurt BY FUCKING DUMPING THEM.
I'm pathetic. Sorry.