The problem of the problem of perfection (warning: brain dump)
If you have not read this,
you should. It is a good thing.
And understand, before I go on, that I agree with everything said by that post. It makes good, necessary points and striking examples.
But.
I am bothered, philosophically, by "real" as an objective. It's sort of like "self-interest"....it's a genuinely good thing, but its based on you, and untempered by the concept of "enlightened" it doesn't make a great guidance system for not being a douche.
I mean...if we're being real for a minute...how many of the biggest dicks you've ever known (present example included) have defended their behavior as "just keeping it real." 'Nuff said.
There's a definite point, an uncanny valley of sorts, where "real" stops being a virtue and becomes its own form of delusional toxicity. Obviously I whole-heartedly affirm that our culture could go miles and miles in that direction without hitting that valley or receiving anything but benefit, but it's important to admit that that valley is there. It's important, when real-ing up your interactions and expectations and so forth, to remember that it's a lot like Thoreau's "simplify simplify simplify". He did NOT mean, as he is often mistaken to, that to be happy everyone should go live in the woods and have nothing. He meant that when you become unhappy, one way of dealing with it is to take a huge step back from everything you have and own and are owned by (sometimes by going into the woods for a while) and take stock of what it is you really DO need, and let go of everything else. Thoreau did not live on Walden Pond his whole life. He went there, had his epiphany, wrote his book, and moved on, better for what he had gained and lost in the process.
The definite DOs of realness, to my thinking, include:
Let fly those compliments that occur to you, even to strangers.
Live an examined life.
Admit it when you fuck up or feel bad, especially to children and to yourself.
Ask probing questions non-rhetorically.
Own your responsibilities and rights regarding your own well-being.
Criticize honestly *when asked*, and seek honest criticism with words and cues and genuine intent.
Be willing to do small harm in the name of necessary change.
Be willing to receive greater harm than you do.
Remember that you are worthy.
Remember that you are finite.
Remember that my opinion of you means nothing.
Remember that your opinion of me means nothing.
Try to give a shit. Not because the world will end if we don't all care passionately about global warming or because apartheid makes the baby jesus cry, but for your own reasons, because stuff is fucking fascinating and relevant. If you can't care in a way that is unique to you, you are missing out.
The definite DON'Ts of realness, to my thinking, include:
Impulsiveness. It is a false, showy, hyper-orthodoxy of "realness".
Rudeness. At its root, it is a defense mechanism, not a means of interface.
Stubbornness. If you hold a belief, set it free. If it remains, it's real for you, and you can relax. If not, it was just a bulwark against reality, and you need to wonder why.
Defensiveness. Because really, who the fuck cares?
Guru-ness. Present example included. We all seek fame as a means of receiving attention while maintaining our autonomy, wanting people to seek us out without our needing to do anything we don't feel like doing. But attention and effort are an economy. If you take and do not give back, that is not a real relationship. If you give but don't receive, you have an obligation to leave. I personally have the same low nausea-threshold for gurus as I do for psychodrama. It is a conceit, a piece of theater, and one that only pretends to let the audience participate. On matters which allow for no proof or measure, there is no such thing as expertise, no such thing as authority. If you do not know me and do not want to know me, why would you offer to judge me? But I digress. My opinion of you is as meaningless as yours of me. If you're good with the bullshit level you see on your dipstick, good for you.
"Real" is a necessity, and desirable, but it is not a defense, and there are things that it is legitimate and good to defend yourself from. Nudism is only a virtue when you have climate control. When you step into "real" you are relinquishing the (also necessary, also desirable) control that lies and illusions allow. Some situations really are just better treated with kindness and perseverence even if that's not your real mindset at the time. "Real" is an adventure...but part of the reason books and movies are so wonderful is that adventures are, after a certain point, resource-consuming and potentially destructive, in some ways essentially antisocial. We need them, but when push comes to shove many of us can't afford to have them all the time, nor can society afford for us to. So we pick and choose. And there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think we need to seek out adventures in "realness" beyond simply being ready for them, and brave when we feel irresistibly called to one. That's not every day. When does a pursuit of the "Real" go from being intentional and enlightened to being another synthetic front? Constant realness is a better pursuit for the mind than for the lifestyle.
So tell me about my fallacies...no really.
you should. It is a good thing.
And understand, before I go on, that I agree with everything said by that post. It makes good, necessary points and striking examples.
But.
I am bothered, philosophically, by "real" as an objective. It's sort of like "self-interest"....it's a genuinely good thing, but its based on you, and untempered by the concept of "enlightened" it doesn't make a great guidance system for not being a douche.
I mean...if we're being real for a minute...how many of the biggest dicks you've ever known (present example included) have defended their behavior as "just keeping it real." 'Nuff said.
There's a definite point, an uncanny valley of sorts, where "real" stops being a virtue and becomes its own form of delusional toxicity. Obviously I whole-heartedly affirm that our culture could go miles and miles in that direction without hitting that valley or receiving anything but benefit, but it's important to admit that that valley is there. It's important, when real-ing up your interactions and expectations and so forth, to remember that it's a lot like Thoreau's "simplify simplify simplify". He did NOT mean, as he is often mistaken to, that to be happy everyone should go live in the woods and have nothing. He meant that when you become unhappy, one way of dealing with it is to take a huge step back from everything you have and own and are owned by (sometimes by going into the woods for a while) and take stock of what it is you really DO need, and let go of everything else. Thoreau did not live on Walden Pond his whole life. He went there, had his epiphany, wrote his book, and moved on, better for what he had gained and lost in the process.
The definite DOs of realness, to my thinking, include:
Let fly those compliments that occur to you, even to strangers.
Live an examined life.
Admit it when you fuck up or feel bad, especially to children and to yourself.
Ask probing questions non-rhetorically.
Own your responsibilities and rights regarding your own well-being.
Criticize honestly *when asked*, and seek honest criticism with words and cues and genuine intent.
Be willing to do small harm in the name of necessary change.
Be willing to receive greater harm than you do.
Remember that you are worthy.
Remember that you are finite.
Remember that my opinion of you means nothing.
Remember that your opinion of me means nothing.
Try to give a shit. Not because the world will end if we don't all care passionately about global warming or because apartheid makes the baby jesus cry, but for your own reasons, because stuff is fucking fascinating and relevant. If you can't care in a way that is unique to you, you are missing out.
The definite DON'Ts of realness, to my thinking, include:
Impulsiveness. It is a false, showy, hyper-orthodoxy of "realness".
Rudeness. At its root, it is a defense mechanism, not a means of interface.
Stubbornness. If you hold a belief, set it free. If it remains, it's real for you, and you can relax. If not, it was just a bulwark against reality, and you need to wonder why.
Defensiveness. Because really, who the fuck cares?
Guru-ness. Present example included. We all seek fame as a means of receiving attention while maintaining our autonomy, wanting people to seek us out without our needing to do anything we don't feel like doing. But attention and effort are an economy. If you take and do not give back, that is not a real relationship. If you give but don't receive, you have an obligation to leave. I personally have the same low nausea-threshold for gurus as I do for psychodrama. It is a conceit, a piece of theater, and one that only pretends to let the audience participate. On matters which allow for no proof or measure, there is no such thing as expertise, no such thing as authority. If you do not know me and do not want to know me, why would you offer to judge me? But I digress. My opinion of you is as meaningless as yours of me. If you're good with the bullshit level you see on your dipstick, good for you.
"Real" is a necessity, and desirable, but it is not a defense, and there are things that it is legitimate and good to defend yourself from. Nudism is only a virtue when you have climate control. When you step into "real" you are relinquishing the (also necessary, also desirable) control that lies and illusions allow. Some situations really are just better treated with kindness and perseverence even if that's not your real mindset at the time. "Real" is an adventure...but part of the reason books and movies are so wonderful is that adventures are, after a certain point, resource-consuming and potentially destructive, in some ways essentially antisocial. We need them, but when push comes to shove many of us can't afford to have them all the time, nor can society afford for us to. So we pick and choose. And there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think we need to seek out adventures in "realness" beyond simply being ready for them, and brave when we feel irresistibly called to one. That's not every day. When does a pursuit of the "Real" go from being intentional and enlightened to being another synthetic front? Constant realness is a better pursuit for the mind than for the lifestyle.
So tell me about my fallacies...no really.