(no subject)
insides quivering like china plates, this instability is getting me down. when you have hopes, or wishes or dreams, that means you can lose them. they might explode. they might just be blown away like a bit of paper in the wind as your whole being screams NO and time slows down for a moment, then they're gone. like they never existed. then the people on the street keep walking along, a dog sniffs your shoe, a car honks and speeds up. the action itself is sudden, but quiet, and just as irreversible as inexplicable. you wonder to yourself, 'was it ever there at all? my passion and reason? was it my imagination?' and you're not sure, not sure how to act- to cry out and wail for whats been lost, or to answer, with a smile that teeters on the brink of tears, the young man with a briefcase who is now asking you the time? though you'd love to tear at his lapels, tell him all your agony, you could not explain in a million years what it is you feel in that fraction of a moment, or why your second hand ticks unsteady as he looks at the face. is that what people mean when they say 'that's just the way it is...' well it shouldn't be. that's my nightmare. trying so hard only to watch, not the glorious explosion of things gone wrong, but the soft snuffing out of something that once drew fiery breath. i'd take the fireball over that any day.