(no subject)
it's almost 3am and somehow everything here has changed.
all your carefree living, your vie boheme is gone. what the fuck?
somehow going to university, my main goal of staying here, is not a very optimistic option anymore. what? what's that i hear about a prerequisite? a failed math class? a second language?
i'm supposed to be awake in five hours to go to language class, but why? what's the point actually if i can't study what i want? art school is my last hope. art. really? what am i going to do with a bachelors of fine arts? be an art teacher? i'm getting to be an asshole. i'm spoiled. i wanna study what I WANNA STUDY. and nothing else.
hm. i should be grateful. should be happy with my lot, but i found that i'm not just content anymore- i need change. i need to make things happen, and i don't want to settle. no compromise for what i want in life, especially now that i know what i want. you know what? i'm gonna die someday. no extending the lease or visa, it will happen, and before that i want to know that i did exactly everything i wanted. and i did all that i could to make what i wanted to happen, happen. it won't sneak up and whisper 'you forgot... you missed your chance. you didn't try enough!' i'll kick and buck and push and not give up until i'm tied in a knot. if i fail, well then, i fucking tried my hardest.
does this all sound pretentious? shitty? is it wrong to put what you want above everything? what else do we have in us anyway? practicality? i put my ideals up as goals and i've done a lot, achieved a lot this way. what else is there to do? i won't live by any other method.
i'll wait for patryk and see exactly what needs to happen. if all else fails, i'm off again.
all your carefree living, your vie boheme is gone. what the fuck?
somehow going to university, my main goal of staying here, is not a very optimistic option anymore. what? what's that i hear about a prerequisite? a failed math class? a second language?
i'm supposed to be awake in five hours to go to language class, but why? what's the point actually if i can't study what i want? art school is my last hope. art. really? what am i going to do with a bachelors of fine arts? be an art teacher? i'm getting to be an asshole. i'm spoiled. i wanna study what I WANNA STUDY. and nothing else.
hm. i should be grateful. should be happy with my lot, but i found that i'm not just content anymore- i need change. i need to make things happen, and i don't want to settle. no compromise for what i want in life, especially now that i know what i want. you know what? i'm gonna die someday. no extending the lease or visa, it will happen, and before that i want to know that i did exactly everything i wanted. and i did all that i could to make what i wanted to happen, happen. it won't sneak up and whisper 'you forgot... you missed your chance. you didn't try enough!' i'll kick and buck and push and not give up until i'm tied in a knot. if i fail, well then, i fucking tried my hardest.
does this all sound pretentious? shitty? is it wrong to put what you want above everything? what else do we have in us anyway? practicality? i put my ideals up as goals and i've done a lot, achieved a lot this way. what else is there to do? i won't live by any other method.
i'll wait for patryk and see exactly what needs to happen. if all else fails, i'm off again.