i swear sometimes
1) you are dirty if you do not shower. although, i like it, because scrubbing the shower is my least favorite part of cleaning the room. but really...four people in a room and no one showered? sick.
2) USE YOUR FUCKING SIGNS, MORONS. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR. (remember this in years to come, people, when you're taking vacations with your families and shit. remember how annoyed i was at the fact that people don't take 20 seconds to walk to the door, put the do not disturb sign out, and walk back. or, on the way out, put the sign that says maid. SERIOUSLY.)
3) tip. fucking cheap pricks. you're not in canada, and if you are a canadian, you're now in the US which means we tip. and good. i hope you all read this and think i'm a fucking prejudiced bigot because then maybe you'll remember to tip. stereotypes didn't just get pulled out of my ass you know.
4) yes, i'm in college. yes, you're tip money helps me pay for college. and if you feel generous for tipping me your pocket change, fuck you and your mother, hard, in the ass, with a fucking kosher dill pickle dipped in shards of glass. not those little baby ones either. the big huge homemade ones that are like overgrown cucumbers. i'll probably just use your pocket change for beer anyway. so you just helped me be illegal. suck that, old man with bowel problems that has explosive ass all over the toilet seat and has to get a room with two double beds because your wife doesn't want your saggy-ass disgusting body all over her anymore. oh yeah, and i heard she was fucking your brother.
*note: these are hypothetical situations, not meant to offend anyone that is old, saggy, poor, has bowel problems or marriage difficulties. oh yeah, or who has a problem getting it up.
5) don't make the bed. you're not doing me any favors, and i end up having to pull everything off because you don't make it correctly in the first place. in fact, if you want to help, just take all the damn sheets and blankets off and throw them in a pile in the corner. because that would be more of a help than trying to make the bed when you really suck at it.
6) don't look at me weird when i am singing/rapping/rocking to music that i put on on your alarm clock, and you happen to come back in the middle of the good part of a song. i'm not going to clean in silence. they might end up writing a book about me because i'd end up going crazy and writing "i'll eat your heart" into the dust on the tv screen. and no one wants a cranky housekeeper...
7) DON'T WRITE THE NOTE TO THE "CHAMBER PERSON" IN FRENCH. I REPEAT, WE ARE IN THE UNITED STATES, WHICH MEANS WE SPEAK ENGLISH. AND IF WE DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, WE EITHER SPEAK JAMAICAN OR FUCKING BULGARIAN OR TURKISH BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE OUR FOREIGN WORKERS COME FROM. SO FRENCH WILL NOT DO YOU ANY GOOD.
*note, again: i'm a big bitch!! it's rather humorous
8) this has nothing to do with housekeeping. okay, you know that song 'gallery' by mario or whatever? i hear it all the time when i'm cleaning (so it does sorta have something to do with housekeeping...whatev..) anyway. i really hate the words. i mean, he's going on and on about this fucking whore that stays with this guy because he has money, but she's worth so much more, and she's confused, blah blah blah. well..she's not worth more. and she's not confused. what's there to be confused about? she's with him because he gives her stuff that's really expensive. so she's a golddigger and she ain't messin with no broke [WHUT, WHUT]. 50 cent definitely said it better. it's her own damn fault she's in a 'gallery'. she's a shallow bitch.
9) i guess this is just going to end up being a big rant. it started with cleaning, and now i'm moving on. i'm such a good complainer. paris hilton, i hope you're reading this. i know i'm quite the talk of hollywood, so i figured posting it on livejournal would be a good idea, since you have it bookmarked and all. you look like a rat. you're skinny, i'll give you that much. and blond. but your boobs...well...they're concave. and your butt...non-existent. and the single you just put out...makes me want to fall over in convulsions and choke on my own vomit and die. you really should stick to modeling for gucci because the only requirements are
a) tall
b) anorexic/bulimic, whichever you prefer, really. but bulimia will eventually need to lead to anorexia, or else your teeth will start getting really nasty and you'll have to stop modeling..or smiling
c) no morals
if anyone replies to this and says you like her song, i'm not kidding, we're not friends anymore.
10) why do people get colored contacts? i had them for awhile, they were pretty fun i guess. but i started thinking about it today, and that's pretty shitty. i mean, you want to CHANGE THE COLOR OF YOUR EYES? "shALLOw, my name is _________ and even my EYES are fake!"
i'm done now. that was fun. i should really complain more often.
shout out to my wanksta gilmania. w0rd.
2) USE YOUR FUCKING SIGNS, MORONS. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE THERE FOR. (remember this in years to come, people, when you're taking vacations with your families and shit. remember how annoyed i was at the fact that people don't take 20 seconds to walk to the door, put the do not disturb sign out, and walk back. or, on the way out, put the sign that says maid. SERIOUSLY.)
3) tip. fucking cheap pricks. you're not in canada, and if you are a canadian, you're now in the US which means we tip. and good. i hope you all read this and think i'm a fucking prejudiced bigot because then maybe you'll remember to tip. stereotypes didn't just get pulled out of my ass you know.
4) yes, i'm in college. yes, you're tip money helps me pay for college. and if you feel generous for tipping me your pocket change, fuck you and your mother, hard, in the ass, with a fucking kosher dill pickle dipped in shards of glass. not those little baby ones either. the big huge homemade ones that are like overgrown cucumbers. i'll probably just use your pocket change for beer anyway. so you just helped me be illegal. suck that, old man with bowel problems that has explosive ass all over the toilet seat and has to get a room with two double beds because your wife doesn't want your saggy-ass disgusting body all over her anymore. oh yeah, and i heard she was fucking your brother.
*note: these are hypothetical situations, not meant to offend anyone that is old, saggy, poor, has bowel problems or marriage difficulties. oh yeah, or who has a problem getting it up.
5) don't make the bed. you're not doing me any favors, and i end up having to pull everything off because you don't make it correctly in the first place. in fact, if you want to help, just take all the damn sheets and blankets off and throw them in a pile in the corner. because that would be more of a help than trying to make the bed when you really suck at it.
6) don't look at me weird when i am singing/rapping/rocking to music that i put on on your alarm clock, and you happen to come back in the middle of the good part of a song. i'm not going to clean in silence. they might end up writing a book about me because i'd end up going crazy and writing "i'll eat your heart" into the dust on the tv screen. and no one wants a cranky housekeeper...
7) DON'T WRITE THE NOTE TO THE "CHAMBER PERSON" IN FRENCH. I REPEAT, WE ARE IN THE UNITED STATES, WHICH MEANS WE SPEAK ENGLISH. AND IF WE DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH, WE EITHER SPEAK JAMAICAN OR FUCKING BULGARIAN OR TURKISH BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE OUR FOREIGN WORKERS COME FROM. SO FRENCH WILL NOT DO YOU ANY GOOD.
*note, again: i'm a big bitch!! it's rather humorous
8) this has nothing to do with housekeeping. okay, you know that song 'gallery' by mario or whatever? i hear it all the time when i'm cleaning (so it does sorta have something to do with housekeeping...whatev..) anyway. i really hate the words. i mean, he's going on and on about this fucking whore that stays with this guy because he has money, but she's worth so much more, and she's confused, blah blah blah. well..she's not worth more. and she's not confused. what's there to be confused about? she's with him because he gives her stuff that's really expensive. so she's a golddigger and she ain't messin with no broke [WHUT, WHUT]. 50 cent definitely said it better. it's her own damn fault she's in a 'gallery'. she's a shallow bitch.
9) i guess this is just going to end up being a big rant. it started with cleaning, and now i'm moving on. i'm such a good complainer. paris hilton, i hope you're reading this. i know i'm quite the talk of hollywood, so i figured posting it on livejournal would be a good idea, since you have it bookmarked and all. you look like a rat. you're skinny, i'll give you that much. and blond. but your boobs...well...they're concave. and your butt...non-existent. and the single you just put out...makes me want to fall over in convulsions and choke on my own vomit and die. you really should stick to modeling for gucci because the only requirements are
a) tall
b) anorexic/bulimic, whichever you prefer, really. but bulimia will eventually need to lead to anorexia, or else your teeth will start getting really nasty and you'll have to stop modeling..or smiling
c) no morals
if anyone replies to this and says you like her song, i'm not kidding, we're not friends anymore.
10) why do people get colored contacts? i had them for awhile, they were pretty fun i guess. but i started thinking about it today, and that's pretty shitty. i mean, you want to CHANGE THE COLOR OF YOUR EYES? "shALLOw, my name is _________ and even my EYES are fake!"
i'm done now. that was fun. i should really complain more often.
shout out to my wanksta gilmania. w0rd.