what do i want?
what do you want?
its a question that has been crossing everyone's mind lately. and i for once am unable to make a good decison...and be that person that ive always been. i have finally realized that time is too precious to continue asking myself that question. i think my problem is that i know exactly what a want but im not letting myself letting me accept it because i care so much about what people think (yes i admit it... you should too...we all do). lately... life has been so complicated...i have so much going on inside of me that i hardly concentrate in school...and i cant do that to myself...its hurting me so much inside...i feel it...for once i want to make a choice for my benefit...and not for someone else's...regardless of whether it makes me look selfish, vain, or immature...i miss those crazy fun nights with you all where i didnt have to think...i miss those conversations that had to do with me solving your problems...not me complaining about mine...someone told me today that i need to step back and look at what i have... a home, a life, good grades, good friends, and a loving family...and look at what the people have in asia....where there lives have been destroyed becasue of one wave...and im the one here not happy...how stupid is that? we all need to grow up... and i thought i had...but i have so much more to learn...
i believe that life should be enjoyed to its fullest extent...life is all about being confident about every step you take...even if you are wrong...and if you are...you should laugh at them...not cry about them...
im still searching for that confidence...and the person who will help me get it...but till then
i want to be happy the majority of the time...not upset. and ill do anything to get it back...even if it means faking it...because its killing me inside to be like this...
i dont know why im feeling this way...but i know i AM and theres nothing to stop it.
this may not make any sense to any of you...but it makes me feel so much better.
*sigh* now back to exams.
its a question that has been crossing everyone's mind lately. and i for once am unable to make a good decison...and be that person that ive always been. i have finally realized that time is too precious to continue asking myself that question. i think my problem is that i know exactly what a want but im not letting myself letting me accept it because i care so much about what people think (yes i admit it... you should too...we all do). lately... life has been so complicated...i have so much going on inside of me that i hardly concentrate in school...and i cant do that to myself...its hurting me so much inside...i feel it...for once i want to make a choice for my benefit...and not for someone else's...regardless of whether it makes me look selfish, vain, or immature...i miss those crazy fun nights with you all where i didnt have to think...i miss those conversations that had to do with me solving your problems...not me complaining about mine...someone told me today that i need to step back and look at what i have... a home, a life, good grades, good friends, and a loving family...and look at what the people have in asia....where there lives have been destroyed becasue of one wave...and im the one here not happy...how stupid is that? we all need to grow up... and i thought i had...but i have so much more to learn...
i believe that life should be enjoyed to its fullest extent...life is all about being confident about every step you take...even if you are wrong...and if you are...you should laugh at them...not cry about them...
im still searching for that confidence...and the person who will help me get it...but till then
i want to be happy the majority of the time...not upset. and ill do anything to get it back...even if it means faking it...because its killing me inside to be like this...
i dont know why im feeling this way...but i know i AM and theres nothing to stop it.
this may not make any sense to any of you...but it makes me feel so much better.
*sigh* now back to exams.