Emo-core
So this is gonna be emo and self-pitying as fuck. But seeing as i have no where else to vent, the internet will have to do the trick: So, that being said, you've been warned. So stop reading here if you don't want to hear it today.
I feel so fucking lonely in this fucking world. I mean, i just feel so cut off from people. Like there's only a few people in this world who i really feel I can trust. so that usually leaves me in a room full of people and feeling totally akward. i mean, yeah, i can socialize. I can be happy. I have happy days most of the time. but when I'm down, all those people i've been hanging out with are suddenly just that, "people I hang out with". they're not friends. i can't tell them what's wrong. I felt that in NA, and I now i feel it outside of NA. I'm realzing that it's probably just some cold fact of life that most people aren't really your friends, and that you'll probably only have a few real friends in a life time. which sucks for me because i really like to feel close to people.
It sucks because i feel so trapped in my life right now, and there's nobody there to talk to. i feel like dying only because it's starting to feel like too much work to even go out and take care of anything and it feels like nobody is in my corner. mostly like they're all working against me! and yeah, maybe I should go back to therapy. Because sometimes that's what i crave is for someone to listen to me who is un-biased, but also not going to give me any advice. They'll just listen unless i ask for advice. And I know, that's what therapists do. But i finally figured out what bothers me most about therapists that keeps me from ever getting anywhere real with them: I hate the fact that i am paying someone to listen to me. It makes it fake to me, and then i just can't really talk. i guess it's some sort of connection with someone and true understanding that i'm craving so much. and it feels like there just isn't anyone available to me like that out there right now, at this point in my life. which is really hard for me. It's just really lonely. Anyway, i guess I'm done.
I feel so fucking lonely in this fucking world. I mean, i just feel so cut off from people. Like there's only a few people in this world who i really feel I can trust. so that usually leaves me in a room full of people and feeling totally akward. i mean, yeah, i can socialize. I can be happy. I have happy days most of the time. but when I'm down, all those people i've been hanging out with are suddenly just that, "people I hang out with". they're not friends. i can't tell them what's wrong. I felt that in NA, and I now i feel it outside of NA. I'm realzing that it's probably just some cold fact of life that most people aren't really your friends, and that you'll probably only have a few real friends in a life time. which sucks for me because i really like to feel close to people.
It sucks because i feel so trapped in my life right now, and there's nobody there to talk to. i feel like dying only because it's starting to feel like too much work to even go out and take care of anything and it feels like nobody is in my corner. mostly like they're all working against me! and yeah, maybe I should go back to therapy. Because sometimes that's what i crave is for someone to listen to me who is un-biased, but also not going to give me any advice. They'll just listen unless i ask for advice. And I know, that's what therapists do. But i finally figured out what bothers me most about therapists that keeps me from ever getting anywhere real with them: I hate the fact that i am paying someone to listen to me. It makes it fake to me, and then i just can't really talk. i guess it's some sort of connection with someone and true understanding that i'm craving so much. and it feels like there just isn't anyone available to me like that out there right now, at this point in my life. which is really hard for me. It's just really lonely. Anyway, i guess I'm done.