(no subject)
I was supposed to go to a movie last night. I didn't end up going. Someone's feelings and 2 friendships were more important.
Didn't get to work out this morning either. Slept right through my alarm. I've been doing that lately. Guess that means it's time to use something other than my phone as an alarm clock. I have to switch every once in a while because I get used to the sound and do things like sleep through it or turn it off in my sleep, or it becomes part of my dream. Back to the old alarm clock.
Last night was a mess. I did some stupid things, and some things were said to me. I was accused of some things. Then it was talked about and, imagine that, it helped. Heh, look at that- I'm writing something GOOD in my journal. Who woulda thought.
I guess every now and then I do write about the good things. Graduation, formal, his graduation, patries, things we've done that I liked. My one fear after last night is that I screwed up even the friendship aspect of it. I missed him already, but I didn't want to tell people because they'd just tell me to get over it. I mean I told Bill and Stacy that I miss him. And the French guy picked up on it just by seeing my face.
Maybe we can both get our shit together and make this work. Maybe it can't. Maybe a friendship is even too much. I don't know and I don't think he knows either. I think this is one of those 'only time will tell' things.
No, I don't see the kid as PERFECT. No one is perfect. He just came real close for a while. Right now we're too different and want too many different things. We'll see if this can work. Like Jess said- love does not fade. It doesn't fade, but it turns into different kinds of love. I still love him the same as I have. I'm noticing that the more time goes by that we're not together, the more I love him. That's strange. I don't know if he knows that, I don't know if I should tell him that.
So many nights I just want him to hold me. I want to drive around with him, listen to music, talk a little, go back to his room and just lay there in each others arms in complete silence. When we were together I got bored with just laying there. Now that we're not, it's what I miss most. That and the I love yous and random kisses- my forehead was alwayd my favorite one. He seems to like my nose. lol
I know that he hasn't been interested in any one else. I'm just I dont know. I guess it's hard when I know his friends want to hook him up with a girl. I know that when he drinks he does things. But at the party, he didn't flirt a lot and ended up sleeping next to me by the end of the night.
I have to go before I'm late for class. I'm sure I'll write more later. I wish I could have seen Nick to say bye before he left, but I had to do the right thing and not go. And no, it's not that PJ conrolled that, it's that Nick and I both knew that PJ thought I was chasing Nick, when it wasn't the case. It wasn't going to be a date, but PJ's friends were going too. It was important to me and Nick that we didn't hang out so that PJ would be happy. If I was chasing the kid, I would have gone anyways. But I didn't. I think that people who are his friends, I should not talk to. Even if I knew them before I knew him. Because he gets weird about it. I know how he is about his friends not knowing too much. That's fine.
I've been learning to keep my mouth shut more. 'Cept in here. This just became much more than a place to vent. It's now just an account of my life. That way I can look backa nd know what I need to work on, what needs to change, what personality traits I should leave just the way they are, etc. My new rule though- if you don't like me for exactly who I am then screw you, I don't want to be around you. Like me for me or don't come around.
Okay, I really do have to go. Journalism, then Bible as Lit... Too many tests this week!!
Dana Marie
Didn't get to work out this morning either. Slept right through my alarm. I've been doing that lately. Guess that means it's time to use something other than my phone as an alarm clock. I have to switch every once in a while because I get used to the sound and do things like sleep through it or turn it off in my sleep, or it becomes part of my dream. Back to the old alarm clock.
Last night was a mess. I did some stupid things, and some things were said to me. I was accused of some things. Then it was talked about and, imagine that, it helped. Heh, look at that- I'm writing something GOOD in my journal. Who woulda thought.
I guess every now and then I do write about the good things. Graduation, formal, his graduation, patries, things we've done that I liked. My one fear after last night is that I screwed up even the friendship aspect of it. I missed him already, but I didn't want to tell people because they'd just tell me to get over it. I mean I told Bill and Stacy that I miss him. And the French guy picked up on it just by seeing my face.
Maybe we can both get our shit together and make this work. Maybe it can't. Maybe a friendship is even too much. I don't know and I don't think he knows either. I think this is one of those 'only time will tell' things.
No, I don't see the kid as PERFECT. No one is perfect. He just came real close for a while. Right now we're too different and want too many different things. We'll see if this can work. Like Jess said- love does not fade. It doesn't fade, but it turns into different kinds of love. I still love him the same as I have. I'm noticing that the more time goes by that we're not together, the more I love him. That's strange. I don't know if he knows that, I don't know if I should tell him that.
So many nights I just want him to hold me. I want to drive around with him, listen to music, talk a little, go back to his room and just lay there in each others arms in complete silence. When we were together I got bored with just laying there. Now that we're not, it's what I miss most. That and the I love yous and random kisses- my forehead was alwayd my favorite one. He seems to like my nose. lol
I know that he hasn't been interested in any one else. I'm just I dont know. I guess it's hard when I know his friends want to hook him up with a girl. I know that when he drinks he does things. But at the party, he didn't flirt a lot and ended up sleeping next to me by the end of the night.
I have to go before I'm late for class. I'm sure I'll write more later. I wish I could have seen Nick to say bye before he left, but I had to do the right thing and not go. And no, it's not that PJ conrolled that, it's that Nick and I both knew that PJ thought I was chasing Nick, when it wasn't the case. It wasn't going to be a date, but PJ's friends were going too. It was important to me and Nick that we didn't hang out so that PJ would be happy. If I was chasing the kid, I would have gone anyways. But I didn't. I think that people who are his friends, I should not talk to. Even if I knew them before I knew him. Because he gets weird about it. I know how he is about his friends not knowing too much. That's fine.
I've been learning to keep my mouth shut more. 'Cept in here. This just became much more than a place to vent. It's now just an account of my life. That way I can look backa nd know what I need to work on, what needs to change, what personality traits I should leave just the way they are, etc. My new rule though- if you don't like me for exactly who I am then screw you, I don't want to be around you. Like me for me or don't come around.
Okay, I really do have to go. Journalism, then Bible as Lit... Too many tests this week!!
Dana Marie