Of Hoarding and Hoping
Last weekend, we moved our eldest into the dorms. He kept not wanting to let me into his room upstairs while he was packing though, and finally after days of that, I insisted on looking in there. It’s a complete hoarders mess, wall to wall. You can barely see the two foot sliver of the bed he’s been sleeping on (no wonder his back was so painful), and you can’t even get to the tables or window in there, there’s so much trash about. This was what he’d been hiding up there, out of shame. He had gone through a bad spell of depression, the hoarding got wildly out of control, and then he got so buried he didn’t know where or how to start digging himself out again.
We had a long talk about how we got there. Not judgmental, just working it out. He’s hoping the dorm will be a fresh start and a chance to change his habits, so I was careful to not let him bring over anything that wouldn’t fit in his tiny space available, and told him if there isn’t a place for it in advance in that new room, clear of the floor, he shouldn’t bring it over. Then after we moved his stuff in, I spent part of Saturday rearranging the storage area and packing away the laundry, books and other odds and ends. Made the bed. Broke down the boxes. Set up the mini fridge, lamp and microwave. When I left, it was a clean, functional dorm room. I hope it’s the fresh start he needs to get out from under that, because God knows I understand how hard that can be.
The rest of the house isn’t AS bad, but it’s not good either. My youngest also has a hoarding problem in his room - I’ve been regularly going into their room to clean out cans, dishes and other stuff that gets left about, but when my pain levels started getting bad I got off schedule with that, so it’s piled up. And of course, when I spend extra time on both their rooms, I end up too tired/sore to get my own done, so while it’s not nearly the mess that theirs are, it’s definitely in need of a couple days worth of clearing out. Thank goodness the middle child can keep their own room clean, at least. And the downstairs area is relatively ok, between the kitchen/living room/dining area (though the library/office is another problem to address.
I have some goals set over the next couple of months, first to work on my youngest’s room (since they need a safe space), then my own room, then downstairs. And lastly, when that’s all on track again, start working on a few square feet at a time of my eldest’s room until it’s livable again. He’s coming back from school in the summer, so I think that will give me enough time to really de-hoard the place and give them a place to relax between classes (and once they move out post-college, fingers crossed, we’ll have a decent guest room again? )
I want to say I’ll start this weekend, but realistically that’s not going to happen. Saturday is a slew of blood tests/lab work, followed by four hours of working at an outdoor event, followed by a COVID booster shot (which I always end up feeling bleh after). Therefore, Sunday will be rest. Just absolute, very-much needed rest. Whether I start any of the other stuff earlier this week really depends on if I get called into jury duty (I’m on call all week), but I hope I can at least start to see some progress before I’m reaching my own limits of capability. And maybe, with that little push, it will help my kids to come out of that situation too.
We had a long talk about how we got there. Not judgmental, just working it out. He’s hoping the dorm will be a fresh start and a chance to change his habits, so I was careful to not let him bring over anything that wouldn’t fit in his tiny space available, and told him if there isn’t a place for it in advance in that new room, clear of the floor, he shouldn’t bring it over. Then after we moved his stuff in, I spent part of Saturday rearranging the storage area and packing away the laundry, books and other odds and ends. Made the bed. Broke down the boxes. Set up the mini fridge, lamp and microwave. When I left, it was a clean, functional dorm room. I hope it’s the fresh start he needs to get out from under that, because God knows I understand how hard that can be.
The rest of the house isn’t AS bad, but it’s not good either. My youngest also has a hoarding problem in his room - I’ve been regularly going into their room to clean out cans, dishes and other stuff that gets left about, but when my pain levels started getting bad I got off schedule with that, so it’s piled up. And of course, when I spend extra time on both their rooms, I end up too tired/sore to get my own done, so while it’s not nearly the mess that theirs are, it’s definitely in need of a couple days worth of clearing out. Thank goodness the middle child can keep their own room clean, at least. And the downstairs area is relatively ok, between the kitchen/living room/dining area (though the library/office is another problem to address.
I have some goals set over the next couple of months, first to work on my youngest’s room (since they need a safe space), then my own room, then downstairs. And lastly, when that’s all on track again, start working on a few square feet at a time of my eldest’s room until it’s livable again. He’s coming back from school in the summer, so I think that will give me enough time to really de-hoard the place and give them a place to relax between classes (and once they move out post-college, fingers crossed, we’ll have a decent guest room again? )
I want to say I’ll start this weekend, but realistically that’s not going to happen. Saturday is a slew of blood tests/lab work, followed by four hours of working at an outdoor event, followed by a COVID booster shot (which I always end up feeling bleh after). Therefore, Sunday will be rest. Just absolute, very-much needed rest. Whether I start any of the other stuff earlier this week really depends on if I get called into jury duty (I’m on call all week), but I hope I can at least start to see some progress before I’m reaching my own limits of capability. And maybe, with that little push, it will help my kids to come out of that situation too.