Meh.
Today has me feeling pretty blasé and frustrated for a number of reasons.
First of all, I have mixed feelings about the whole concept of Valentines Day. I mean, my husband and I never did much of anything for it, because our wedding anniversary is just two weeks before that and we usually throw any available funds into celebrating THAT, but even though it seems petty I do seem to get a little sad when all the other married/dating women around me are getting flowers, cards, etc. and I get absolutely nothing. Maybe it’s just my whole hangup of being that chubby girl in school that never got the valentines, still trying to make up for those scraps of insecurity and inadequacy that hang on well into my adult life. I try to cheer myself up by buying myself flowers (something my husband has almost never done) and sending cute little cards to the kids and my co-workers, but it just seems a little hollow sometimes, and this particular one just felt like going through the motions for me. So…yeah, meh. It is what it is.
Then there’s the new upper management person that’s been scrutinizing EVERY single detail of what our division is doing, and finding fault in just about everything. I get it - when a new “big boss” takes over, it’s almost always the case that they want to feel like they’re making their mark by shaking things up and “fixing” things, whether or not anything is actually broken there. But it just seems excessive this week, and the nit-picking and criticism of everyone in the office (self-included) is just not sitting well with me. I hope he calms his ass down within the next few months. I may need to switch the coffee to decaf on the sly if it doesn’t.
Last but not least, I had to stop watching a show because it was getting just too dark and traumatic for me to handle (and a bit triggering if I’m being honest, though I hate the overuse of that term these days). I was three episodes in to “Boy Swallows Universe”, because the acting really was good, but the scenes of increasing child abuse and drug addiction were just harder and harder to tolerate. Having seen some of that stuff happen in real life, it just doesn’t work for entertainment for me. I even told myself it was fictional, so somehow that made it ok, until I read that it really WASN’T that fictional, and the writer of the book it was based on was using his own childhood trauma in the stories it told, which just made it even harder to watch. I finally gave up. No reason to give myself more nightmares - I can make those up fine on my own.
Anyway, sorry to be such a downer again. This too shall pass and all, I know that’s true, it just sucks in the moment.
First of all, I have mixed feelings about the whole concept of Valentines Day. I mean, my husband and I never did much of anything for it, because our wedding anniversary is just two weeks before that and we usually throw any available funds into celebrating THAT, but even though it seems petty I do seem to get a little sad when all the other married/dating women around me are getting flowers, cards, etc. and I get absolutely nothing. Maybe it’s just my whole hangup of being that chubby girl in school that never got the valentines, still trying to make up for those scraps of insecurity and inadequacy that hang on well into my adult life. I try to cheer myself up by buying myself flowers (something my husband has almost never done) and sending cute little cards to the kids and my co-workers, but it just seems a little hollow sometimes, and this particular one just felt like going through the motions for me. So…yeah, meh. It is what it is.
Then there’s the new upper management person that’s been scrutinizing EVERY single detail of what our division is doing, and finding fault in just about everything. I get it - when a new “big boss” takes over, it’s almost always the case that they want to feel like they’re making their mark by shaking things up and “fixing” things, whether or not anything is actually broken there. But it just seems excessive this week, and the nit-picking and criticism of everyone in the office (self-included) is just not sitting well with me. I hope he calms his ass down within the next few months. I may need to switch the coffee to decaf on the sly if it doesn’t.
Last but not least, I had to stop watching a show because it was getting just too dark and traumatic for me to handle (and a bit triggering if I’m being honest, though I hate the overuse of that term these days). I was three episodes in to “Boy Swallows Universe”, because the acting really was good, but the scenes of increasing child abuse and drug addiction were just harder and harder to tolerate. Having seen some of that stuff happen in real life, it just doesn’t work for entertainment for me. I even told myself it was fictional, so somehow that made it ok, until I read that it really WASN’T that fictional, and the writer of the book it was based on was using his own childhood trauma in the stories it told, which just made it even harder to watch. I finally gave up. No reason to give myself more nightmares - I can make those up fine on my own.
Anyway, sorry to be such a downer again. This too shall pass and all, I know that’s true, it just sucks in the moment.