Alright alright so im making a comeback....maybe.
im online and theres no one on and i was reading peoples and thought hmm maybe i should write. especially cuz i have a lot on my mind and theres no one to talk to...
and if youre in the loop enough to know exactly what im referring to by all of this, then i would really appreciate some feedback because theres such a lack of any opinions coming my way and i'd really like some...thanks...
k soooo its like, some waiting period now cuz "its not ready" ...and i can understand that, and i can understand that its not just simple to answer how long is the waiting gonna last, but i just want to know SOMETHING because i dont know how long im gonna just be sitting here wondering. and the thing is, i did the same exact thing before. this is what i said, i kept saying no wait nows not the time etc etc...and then it backfires 2 months later. i keep feeling like im being selfish to be so impatient cuz i did the same thing but sometimes i just dont care cuz there were some other selfish and STUPID things done, so cant we just say we're even? what is it thats holding it back?? i dont get it. the reason i want it back asap is because every day that goes by im afraid its another day of losing it. im so strong most of the time, but for some reason this is just so conflicting and its messing me up. and i hate being messed up, but i let myself be. i shouldnt have waited so long to realize its what i wanted, but i needed time. and now im going to have to deal with the other side needing time. but why is it so hard, why does it have to be like this, why did anythign have to happen. just why? and the more thinking i do, the more conclusions i make, some without any basis at all, and then i will mention one of these ridiculous ones and it causes trouble, which is the exact opposite of what i should be doing, and i keep making it worse by wanting it to get better fast. what the hell do i do/say/think? help.
and even if it wasnt there anymore for some reason, if it just ceased to exist at all...i wouldnt look for anything else, i just couldnt.
since when does this stuff take me over? since when do i let it? whats going on???
on a lighter note, i made BOCA jrs yesterday so yay for that.
but i woke up at 7 and went to track, then didnt get home from my game at night til 7:30...so for like 12 hours, i was just running or playing soccer and my legs are dead. im surprised i made it over here to the computer, seriously. every muscle that i knew was there keeps saying hiiiiiii im sore. every muscle that i didnt know was there, keeps reminding me hi im here and im sore too.
i was so overtired last night i kept doing the weirdest things.
will i really follow thru on this or give it up again??
yesterday i had a successful meet i guess.
((love you trinchy)) i wont even talk about it but i love u
i changed my thing back to stars but i chose blue instead of neon pink and motion things cuz apparently that was giving people like seizures or something. i didnt copy u meghan i had the pink star anyways, but i just like stars. slash when are we gonna see big fish??????????
ok im gonna go have some breakfast. i better get some feedback, bye kids
and if youre in the loop enough to know exactly what im referring to by all of this, then i would really appreciate some feedback because theres such a lack of any opinions coming my way and i'd really like some...thanks...
k soooo its like, some waiting period now cuz "its not ready" ...and i can understand that, and i can understand that its not just simple to answer how long is the waiting gonna last, but i just want to know SOMETHING because i dont know how long im gonna just be sitting here wondering. and the thing is, i did the same exact thing before. this is what i said, i kept saying no wait nows not the time etc etc...and then it backfires 2 months later. i keep feeling like im being selfish to be so impatient cuz i did the same thing but sometimes i just dont care cuz there were some other selfish and STUPID things done, so cant we just say we're even? what is it thats holding it back?? i dont get it. the reason i want it back asap is because every day that goes by im afraid its another day of losing it. im so strong most of the time, but for some reason this is just so conflicting and its messing me up. and i hate being messed up, but i let myself be. i shouldnt have waited so long to realize its what i wanted, but i needed time. and now im going to have to deal with the other side needing time. but why is it so hard, why does it have to be like this, why did anythign have to happen. just why? and the more thinking i do, the more conclusions i make, some without any basis at all, and then i will mention one of these ridiculous ones and it causes trouble, which is the exact opposite of what i should be doing, and i keep making it worse by wanting it to get better fast. what the hell do i do/say/think? help.
and even if it wasnt there anymore for some reason, if it just ceased to exist at all...i wouldnt look for anything else, i just couldnt.
since when does this stuff take me over? since when do i let it? whats going on???
on a lighter note, i made BOCA jrs yesterday so yay for that.
but i woke up at 7 and went to track, then didnt get home from my game at night til 7:30...so for like 12 hours, i was just running or playing soccer and my legs are dead. im surprised i made it over here to the computer, seriously. every muscle that i knew was there keeps saying hiiiiiii im sore. every muscle that i didnt know was there, keeps reminding me hi im here and im sore too.
i was so overtired last night i kept doing the weirdest things.
will i really follow thru on this or give it up again??
yesterday i had a successful meet i guess.
((love you trinchy)) i wont even talk about it but i love u
i changed my thing back to stars but i chose blue instead of neon pink and motion things cuz apparently that was giving people like seizures or something. i didnt copy u meghan i had the pink star anyways, but i just like stars. slash when are we gonna see big fish??????????
ok im gonna go have some breakfast. i better get some feedback, bye kids