The Last Resort
There are only so many ways a person can show they care. You have probably seen the mini comic that reveals whether a person is "friend vs. true friend". I'm not the type who would like to distinguish the two. There are people with whom you connect with more on a deeper level, and there are those whom you just enjoy the company of. So to speak, you look for one friend for one thing (maybe you need advice) and another friend for another (maybe you just need a good laugh). Either way, it's friendship.
I do not know many people. I try to go out and meet people, make friends, start over, because what's the use of just holding on to the people I know when they will not be there (in the physical) anymore? Within my very narrow scope of influence, anyone could tell that I care. The people I know, they trust me, and they look up to me. It's an older-sister factor that is inherent in me because I take care of my little brother and because I learned from my older sister. She is my role model in being a leader and in being a role model myself.
Unfortunately, people have taken advantage of me. I could go on a whole "WHY ME?" spiel, but I shouldn't be surprised. I have always been soft on people, because I do not know how to stand my ground and think of myself first. The only people I can defy are my family. Go figure. For the last few years, they have tried their best to toughen me up - maybe even be as defiant to others as I am with them, because my family sees me suffer. Whatever trials my friends have, I muddle through with them, only to have them take advantage of that.
The problem is this: I let them. I let them use me and then leave me. I let them make me cry. I let them take all the credit when I deserve some. I let them see how happy and how proud I am of them, and they never know that I do suffer inside. And you know what? I got used to it. I can cry. I can cry in public. I can cry in my room. And the way I see it, I look weak because I can cry so easily. But when I think about the load I used to carry - the load that no one saw me carry, I was strong. And I am proud to admit that.
Call it pride, but truth be told, what hurts the most is when they don't listen, and that could only mean that they don't care about what I have to say. It's just an emotional roller coaster for me, extra baggage I don't need and let me tell you. While I do not mind being taken for granted, doesn't mean I like it.
Something I have to learn for myself: Sometimes, the last resort is to not care, because you know what? No one even said you should! Trust me on that.
I do not know many people. I try to go out and meet people, make friends, start over, because what's the use of just holding on to the people I know when they will not be there (in the physical) anymore? Within my very narrow scope of influence, anyone could tell that I care. The people I know, they trust me, and they look up to me. It's an older-sister factor that is inherent in me because I take care of my little brother and because I learned from my older sister. She is my role model in being a leader and in being a role model myself.
Unfortunately, people have taken advantage of me. I could go on a whole "WHY ME?" spiel, but I shouldn't be surprised. I have always been soft on people, because I do not know how to stand my ground and think of myself first. The only people I can defy are my family. Go figure. For the last few years, they have tried their best to toughen me up - maybe even be as defiant to others as I am with them, because my family sees me suffer. Whatever trials my friends have, I muddle through with them, only to have them take advantage of that.
The problem is this: I let them. I let them use me and then leave me. I let them make me cry. I let them take all the credit when I deserve some. I let them see how happy and how proud I am of them, and they never know that I do suffer inside. And you know what? I got used to it. I can cry. I can cry in public. I can cry in my room. And the way I see it, I look weak because I can cry so easily. But when I think about the load I used to carry - the load that no one saw me carry, I was strong. And I am proud to admit that.
Call it pride, but truth be told, what hurts the most is when they don't listen, and that could only mean that they don't care about what I have to say. It's just an emotional roller coaster for me, extra baggage I don't need and let me tell you. While I do not mind being taken for granted, doesn't mean I like it.
Something I have to learn for myself: Sometimes, the last resort is to not care, because you know what? No one even said you should! Trust me on that.