Grace Period
Stockwell. For an all-women dorm, it could be worse. I could very easily be in Martha Cook, where I would have gone insane and/or made all the conservative uptight terrycloth girls uncomfortable with my presence. Why in the hell did I ever want to be in Martha Cook?
I guess that demands some clarification.
For Martha Cook, everyone meets up and you "pick" your roommate. I was going to room with a conservative Catholic. Unlike some people, I don't use religion or other such factors in deciding whether I will get along with a person or not. So we were hitting it off until the subject of clubs we wanted to join at UM came up. I told her I planned to do LGBT stuff.
"oh, you are an ally? cool!"
"ah...no"
Which eventually led to ignorant questions and her telling me that my orientation was unacceptable and she could not room with me. Even in high school, I had never experience anything like that. If there is such a thing as karma, I hope it is put to good use with her. Maybe she will make a gay friend, have a gay kid, or perhaps be queer herself. Anyway, I got out of that place.
So now Im at Stockwell. I was quite nervous when I first met my roommate, afraid that I would have another Martha Cook girl. We get along well, though. She is probably a more hardcore Catholic than the Martha Cook girl, but she has a heart and is accepting of all people. If you attend a place like Michigan, you should go into it with an open mind. We both believe that.
It shouldn't be a surprise that a dorm of estrogen will be cliquey. Somewhere along the way, I fell out of touch with my hallmates. The first few weeks we banded together in our freshman loneliness, but things are predictably different. I find it most apparent when it comes to dating. When one of them goes out on a date, or flirts with a boy, or even sights a cute one, the conversations are lengthy and detailed. After a date, a conference is held where all events are told. But, when I go out on a date, everyone is silent and they don't know how to approach it. They see me getting ready, and a typical transaction is:
"where are you going, Dana?"
"on a date"
"oh...on a school night?"
When I get back, no one files into my dorm and asks for every happening of the past few hours. I am told that people say "yeah, Dana is going on a date with girl-name." Another conversation unedited is:
"how was it?"
"great/wonderful/I'm really happy"
"good"
Helen, my neighbor from Ann Arbor, explained that most people have not dealt with queer people, so they may act awkward. But I think they can still treat me as a friend. They are old enough and in the right state to get over the sex of the people I date and see that its still dating. I must admit that its hard for me to get excited about heterosexual dating, but I still hold a general interest in what goes on in my friends lives, especially if it is important to them. I wish they did the same for me.
They also have not considered me in their plans for housing next year. Maybe they assumed I wouldnt be interested, seeing as I hang out with them less and have expressed interest in joining a co-op. The way they go about it is untactful, its like we are back in high school sometimes. Even if they did ever offer to include me in plans, I would decline. I am an outsider to them, by my doing and their behavior towards me.
I thought about all this last night as they went out and indirectly told me not to come. I am not upset by the circumstance, I just recognize it so I am able to move on. I have friends who love me and are here and everywhere. Stockwellians are my friends, just at a different level.
I guess that demands some clarification.
For Martha Cook, everyone meets up and you "pick" your roommate. I was going to room with a conservative Catholic. Unlike some people, I don't use religion or other such factors in deciding whether I will get along with a person or not. So we were hitting it off until the subject of clubs we wanted to join at UM came up. I told her I planned to do LGBT stuff.
"oh, you are an ally? cool!"
"ah...no"
Which eventually led to ignorant questions and her telling me that my orientation was unacceptable and she could not room with me. Even in high school, I had never experience anything like that. If there is such a thing as karma, I hope it is put to good use with her. Maybe she will make a gay friend, have a gay kid, or perhaps be queer herself. Anyway, I got out of that place.
So now Im at Stockwell. I was quite nervous when I first met my roommate, afraid that I would have another Martha Cook girl. We get along well, though. She is probably a more hardcore Catholic than the Martha Cook girl, but she has a heart and is accepting of all people. If you attend a place like Michigan, you should go into it with an open mind. We both believe that.
It shouldn't be a surprise that a dorm of estrogen will be cliquey. Somewhere along the way, I fell out of touch with my hallmates. The first few weeks we banded together in our freshman loneliness, but things are predictably different. I find it most apparent when it comes to dating. When one of them goes out on a date, or flirts with a boy, or even sights a cute one, the conversations are lengthy and detailed. After a date, a conference is held where all events are told. But, when I go out on a date, everyone is silent and they don't know how to approach it. They see me getting ready, and a typical transaction is:
"where are you going, Dana?"
"on a date"
"oh...on a school night?"
When I get back, no one files into my dorm and asks for every happening of the past few hours. I am told that people say "yeah, Dana is going on a date with girl-name." Another conversation unedited is:
"how was it?"
"great/wonderful/I'm really happy"
"good"
Helen, my neighbor from Ann Arbor, explained that most people have not dealt with queer people, so they may act awkward. But I think they can still treat me as a friend. They are old enough and in the right state to get over the sex of the people I date and see that its still dating. I must admit that its hard for me to get excited about heterosexual dating, but I still hold a general interest in what goes on in my friends lives, especially if it is important to them. I wish they did the same for me.
They also have not considered me in their plans for housing next year. Maybe they assumed I wouldnt be interested, seeing as I hang out with them less and have expressed interest in joining a co-op. The way they go about it is untactful, its like we are back in high school sometimes. Even if they did ever offer to include me in plans, I would decline. I am an outsider to them, by my doing and their behavior towards me.
I thought about all this last night as they went out and indirectly told me not to come. I am not upset by the circumstance, I just recognize it so I am able to move on. I have friends who love me and are here and everywhere. Stockwellians are my friends, just at a different level.