Maybe it was the fact that I recently posted a blog saying I don't use this journal...
...But I feel like posting. I think I have a xanga too, but why go through the trouble looking for a way to access it when I am already pretty plugged in to livejournal via my beloved damnportlanders blog.
Today was an interesting day for me. I consider myself to be pretty introverted in general. If you know me, you probably know that I'm not really much of a leader and that I really don't like being in situations where I have to meet new people or be the new guy in a group.
That said, I recently started going to church again. And this time it is to a new *gasp* and small *double gasp* community in Sellwood. They are called Adsideo and they are super rad. Until fairly recently I had spent several weeks (possibly several months... there's a lot of gray area) being really uncertain about the Church and even faith in general. That is to say, I've been more or less an agnostic for a while. In all of that struggle, I remember at a couple points muttering an utterly-exasperated prayer to God. This prayer was something along the lines of "If you're there, take me back to where I need to be." I figured, "Hey, it can't really hurt. If God wants me to believe in Him it would certainly be in His best interest to make me do so, right?" Anyway, long story short, it worked.
I remember feeling fine (or more accurately: stubbornly denying that I was not fine) and talking with my friend Amanda about just where I was at with everything and how I had a lot of doubts and questions and how I wasn't convinced that Christianity was really the way to go for me. At some point in that conversation God worked His way in and got through to me and broke down all of my defenses I had been putting up. It was amazing to see such a quick change of attitude in myself from blatant denial to absolute certainty in a matter of minutes. Anyway, this is not really the direction I had intended for this blog so I'll get back on track.
So tonight I went down to the Portland Rescue Mission with some of my new acquaintances from Adsideo (and Amanda and Danny who are oldish friends). Going into this, I was pretty stressed out about a few different aspects of this night. I was not excited about hanging out with the Adsideo people since I am still at that name learning, feeling like an outsider stage and as I mentioned earlier, new social situations are not my forte. On top of this, I had never really worked with large groups of homeless people before so I really didn't know what to expect along those lines except that I would be surrounded by even MORE new people that I might even have to converse with (terrifying, i know.) :-)
Anyway, throughout the day I have been praying that I would be filled with love for the people that I was going to serve and the people that I was going to work with. I prayed that I would be alright with the whole situation, but beyond that, that I would enjoy the work I was doing and would want to go back. Over the years I have grown less and less surprised when God is faithful to my prayers when I know that I am asking for things that He would want for me. I went into this evening hoping that my prayers would be answered and that my time at the mission would be neither awkward nor tortuous in any other way, but soon before arriving I had pretty much forgotten that I had asked for anything and continued to live life as it came at me. I had a great time while i was there and I am happy to have gotten to know a couple people from church slightly better. More so, I was thrilled to be serving the poor this evening. Normally I would not be so happy about transporting piles of filthy trays to the kitchen, touching all sorts of used food matter, or scrubbing tables but my attitude was completely different from how i expected it to be. I'm not saying that I was always 100% comfortable or that I really served as fully as i could, but I feel like the steps that I did take are simple proofs of God's faithfulness. Of course I was not thinking about any of these things at the time, but as I reflect, I am reminded of when Jesus said that any time we are doing things for those considered to be the lowest of the low in our societal hierarchies, we are serving Him.
I personally am overjoyed that I get to return to this place soon so that I can see the situation in a new light and really see Jesus in the people that we are serving. It was a good experience for me and I am very thankful to God for helping me out so much when I know that I would be struggling a lot without Him.
Today was an interesting day for me. I consider myself to be pretty introverted in general. If you know me, you probably know that I'm not really much of a leader and that I really don't like being in situations where I have to meet new people or be the new guy in a group.
That said, I recently started going to church again. And this time it is to a new *gasp* and small *double gasp* community in Sellwood. They are called Adsideo and they are super rad. Until fairly recently I had spent several weeks (possibly several months... there's a lot of gray area) being really uncertain about the Church and even faith in general. That is to say, I've been more or less an agnostic for a while. In all of that struggle, I remember at a couple points muttering an utterly-exasperated prayer to God. This prayer was something along the lines of "If you're there, take me back to where I need to be." I figured, "Hey, it can't really hurt. If God wants me to believe in Him it would certainly be in His best interest to make me do so, right?" Anyway, long story short, it worked.
I remember feeling fine (or more accurately: stubbornly denying that I was not fine) and talking with my friend Amanda about just where I was at with everything and how I had a lot of doubts and questions and how I wasn't convinced that Christianity was really the way to go for me. At some point in that conversation God worked His way in and got through to me and broke down all of my defenses I had been putting up. It was amazing to see such a quick change of attitude in myself from blatant denial to absolute certainty in a matter of minutes. Anyway, this is not really the direction I had intended for this blog so I'll get back on track.
So tonight I went down to the Portland Rescue Mission with some of my new acquaintances from Adsideo (and Amanda and Danny who are oldish friends). Going into this, I was pretty stressed out about a few different aspects of this night. I was not excited about hanging out with the Adsideo people since I am still at that name learning, feeling like an outsider stage and as I mentioned earlier, new social situations are not my forte. On top of this, I had never really worked with large groups of homeless people before so I really didn't know what to expect along those lines except that I would be surrounded by even MORE new people that I might even have to converse with (terrifying, i know.) :-)
Anyway, throughout the day I have been praying that I would be filled with love for the people that I was going to serve and the people that I was going to work with. I prayed that I would be alright with the whole situation, but beyond that, that I would enjoy the work I was doing and would want to go back. Over the years I have grown less and less surprised when God is faithful to my prayers when I know that I am asking for things that He would want for me. I went into this evening hoping that my prayers would be answered and that my time at the mission would be neither awkward nor tortuous in any other way, but soon before arriving I had pretty much forgotten that I had asked for anything and continued to live life as it came at me. I had a great time while i was there and I am happy to have gotten to know a couple people from church slightly better. More so, I was thrilled to be serving the poor this evening. Normally I would not be so happy about transporting piles of filthy trays to the kitchen, touching all sorts of used food matter, or scrubbing tables but my attitude was completely different from how i expected it to be. I'm not saying that I was always 100% comfortable or that I really served as fully as i could, but I feel like the steps that I did take are simple proofs of God's faithfulness. Of course I was not thinking about any of these things at the time, but as I reflect, I am reminded of when Jesus said that any time we are doing things for those considered to be the lowest of the low in our societal hierarchies, we are serving Him.
I personally am overjoyed that I get to return to this place soon so that I can see the situation in a new light and really see Jesus in the people that we are serving. It was a good experience for me and I am very thankful to God for helping me out so much when I know that I would be struggling a lot without Him.