Get Over It
"Get over it!"
...I can't. Not about the topic, but how he yelled at me and said that. I've cried many times over the past four years that we've been together. I sit here and I wonder what about, you know? I broke down so hard one day after realizing how bad of a girlfriend I was towards him. Why do I make a big deal out of something so tiny? I blame him for my faults and you know what he does? He sits there and he takes it all in. He takes in all the punches, all the yelling, all the screaming, all the crying, everything. He's put up with so much and not a peep out of him. He never complains. He never tells me that he's fed up with me. Four years and for some reason I always brain wash myself to think that he was at fault and he was to blame. I always made him sound like the bad guy but in reality it's me.
I want to change for the better. I want to change for me. I want to change for him. I want to change for us. There's no point in our arguments because we always go around in circles. In the end we forget why we even started arguing. In the past four years that we've been together I've become more childish and immature. I haven't grown with our relationship. I haven't learned anything nor have I made a true foundation in our relationship. But him... he's grown so much. He's so much more mature than me. He's learned to put up with everything. He knows my faults. He knows why I start things and mos def knows how to get through it. Why is it that I can't learn? Why can't I teach myself? I think I've blocked that off and haven't even tried in the past few years.
I love him. I know that for a fact. I see us growing old together and it makes me really happy. But how does that come true if I can't learn or grow. I gotta stop denying the fact that he truly does care and that he truly loves me. I'm just scared to get hurt again. I know it's been a while but I still have that feeling and I know he does, too, so much more than me I'm sure. But it's still there and I know FOR SURE that that's something I need to get over because I know him... and he'll always be there no matter what and he'll try to put up with me until he tires himself out or I push him over the edge... and I know we'll always be together, boyfriend or even just friend.
...I can't. Not about the topic, but how he yelled at me and said that. I've cried many times over the past four years that we've been together. I sit here and I wonder what about, you know? I broke down so hard one day after realizing how bad of a girlfriend I was towards him. Why do I make a big deal out of something so tiny? I blame him for my faults and you know what he does? He sits there and he takes it all in. He takes in all the punches, all the yelling, all the screaming, all the crying, everything. He's put up with so much and not a peep out of him. He never complains. He never tells me that he's fed up with me. Four years and for some reason I always brain wash myself to think that he was at fault and he was to blame. I always made him sound like the bad guy but in reality it's me.
I want to change for the better. I want to change for me. I want to change for him. I want to change for us. There's no point in our arguments because we always go around in circles. In the end we forget why we even started arguing. In the past four years that we've been together I've become more childish and immature. I haven't grown with our relationship. I haven't learned anything nor have I made a true foundation in our relationship. But him... he's grown so much. He's so much more mature than me. He's learned to put up with everything. He knows my faults. He knows why I start things and mos def knows how to get through it. Why is it that I can't learn? Why can't I teach myself? I think I've blocked that off and haven't even tried in the past few years.
I love him. I know that for a fact. I see us growing old together and it makes me really happy. But how does that come true if I can't learn or grow. I gotta stop denying the fact that he truly does care and that he truly loves me. I'm just scared to get hurt again. I know it's been a while but I still have that feeling and I know he does, too, so much more than me I'm sure. But it's still there and I know FOR SURE that that's something I need to get over because I know him... and he'll always be there no matter what and he'll try to put up with me until he tires himself out or I push him over the edge... and I know we'll always be together, boyfriend or even just friend.