(no subject)

[damonkey182]

I'm feeling very resentful towards my parents. I blame their addiction to cigarettes as the cause of most of my throat infections and upcoming tonsillectomy. I don't even care anymore that they are slowly killing themselves. I am more resentful for their unwillingness to acknowledged my feelings. They don't care it makes me sick, or that I need to take claritin and sudafed on a daily basis to function. They didn't care when I got made fun of for smelling like smoke in elementary school. They don't care that I hate reeking of the smell. It's embarrasing to smell bad, and if I detect it on myself while out with friends, it puts a damper on my mood. Smelling it on my clothes or luggage while not at home from 5 feet away is really embarrassing. I come home and I have to walk through a cloud of smoke to get to my room, or use the kitchen. I don't bring food to work because the rubber on our tupper wear smells of smoke. I come home from long weekends and I smell it on the outside of the house. I HATE coming home. I HATE being here. It gets forced through the heat vents. There is no escaping it. Dad's breath smells TERRIBLE and as such I hate being near him. Mom puts it under the table, which does NOTHING. It's ruining my stuff. It's DESTROYING my health. And they don't care. They do NOTHING to try and change. I feel so insignificant, that my own parents don't care that I have constantly been sick because of this.

If there was ANY health benefit, anything, I could accept it. But there is NOTHING beneficial about it.

When I was younger I would ask them to quit. I got told I was the reason they smoked.

I'm angry at them, and I'm angry at myself for blaming them. And I'm angry that I feel like I'm being irrational.