CHARLOTTE'S WEB OF FAMILIAL AWKWARDNESS
TITLE: Charlotte's Web of Familial Awkwardness
RATING: PG-13
LENGTH: 6,879 words
PAIRING: Remus/Sirius, with a side of James/Lily
ERA: Post-Hogwarts (AU)
NOTES: This is an AU, but the details aren't really important (much to my brain's annoyance, as it spent a lot of time thinking up a lot of backstory that never got included!). Maybe I'll play in this universe again some day :D
Many, many thanks to io_aenaria and libgirl for betaing, and to everyone who has listened to me whine about this fic for about two months now! This started as a birthday fic for jillenhall, and has become a slightly belated Valentine's Day/Lupercalia fic for everyone!
CHARLOTTE'S WEB OF FAMILIAL AWKWARDNESS
If he tried hard enough (and as he was a generally smart and capable young man, that wasn't really very hard at all), he could blame all of this entirely on Lily. The table was dead quiet as a pair of innocent, five-year-old eyes stared at him alongside dozens of other, not-so-innocent eyes (and one pair of eyes that was pointedly still looking at the dinner plate below).
"Charlotte?" He winced at the tone of his mother's voice. "Honey, why would you ask that?"
The little girl had a faint lisp, but her words were quite unmistakable. "He's wearin' a ring like mummies and daddies do. Cuz he's mawwied!"
Around the Christmas dinner table, four generations of the Reynolds family stared again at Remus, this time their eyes lowered to scrutinize his left hand. Indeed, his ring finger was aptly named. Circling it was a simple band of what looked like silver, but was really platinum; there were no gems or etchings or any other distinguishing characteristics. On any other finger, the child's interpretation would be simple to correct, easy to dismiss.
But the young girl understood more than the adults around her did, and Remus knew it was time for a closely kept secret to finally be set free.
He smiled at Charlotte, and opened his mouth to speak.
* * *
When he was in school, he regarded his predilection for the rougher sex as something far more dangerous to his mates than his monthly transformations into a beast. After all, he was a poof every day of his life rather than once in a lunar cycle. And although James and Peter and Sirius had all assured him time after time that they didn't care one bit, that he was the same Moony that he'd been for the last six and a half years, he was still loathe to flaunt it, to talk about blokes he fancied the same way they did about girls. Even after they'd left Hogwarts and he'd lost his excuse about not outing himself to the school at large, Remus never brought anyone when they had group dates. He seemed content to be the seventh wheel.
It wasn't that he ignored that part of himself. In fact, more than a few times he elected to beg off from going out with his friends in favor of spending a night with his current flame. But he felt there was no need to combine the two sides of his life, and none of his friends seemed particularly keen on integration.
At least not until the night that Sirius came sprawling through Remus's Floo and begged him for a jar of lube and tips for fucking another man.
Remus's mind sorted out the relevant issues quickly enough; he Summoned a spare jar and rattled off a few bits of information in a daze, standing stock still as Sirius gave him a tight hug in thanks and left through the fireplace as quickly as he'd arrived.
The next day found Sirius knocking sheepishly at Remus's door, and with a bit more time to spare this visit, they sat down over tea and had a quiet discussion focusing on the delights found in other men, just how to tell ol' Prongs, and exactly when and how Sirius came to realise he wasn't so picky about the genders of those with whom he fooled around. After that Remus brought his blokes on group outings whenever Sirius did, and the issue melted away entirely.
* * *
"I'm not married, Charlotte," he said, and from his right he could hear a faintly relieved sigh from his mother. He paused, allowing her, and everyone else, to make their mental leaps from the mundane to the queer. He tried not to smirk.
Uncle Jason spoke up, his voice sounding faintly amused. "Having trouble with the ladies, eh lad? Got to convince them you're taken so they'll give you a moment's peace?"
There was a soft snort from down the table, but Remus didn't turn to acknowledge it. "If 'the ladies' are so interested in me, they've certainly never made that particularly clear. Not that it would..." he took a deep breath, "it wouldn't make much difference."
* * *
As luck would have it, by the time the wedding came around, both Remus and Sirius were single, and neither wanted to put anyone new though the stress of trying to make himself (or herself-Sirius swore he might switch back to birds at any time) comfortable in the group.
The ceremony was awkward enough; Lily's father was not actually holding a shotgun to James's back, but the implication was there. It didn't matter that they had been engaged for nearly six months before Lily found herself in the family way. Michael Evans would not have his grandchild born a bastard, and if that meant that his little girl had to get married far sooner than she'd liked, well that was her own fault. James tried to be a good sport about the whole thing by breaking tradition and footing the bill himself, but everyone knew it wasn't the same as if Lily had spent a full two years planning the event.
When all was said and done, the couple was happily married and the guests were happy to be out of the ruined, but still somehow sweltering, chapel that lay hidden in the back acres of the Potters' summer manor. The family's servants (both human and house-elf) had set up the reception all over the grounds, with several areas specifically charmed to keep the Muggles out and keep the magic in. The bride and groom wandered aimlessly, arms linked and smiles almost completely real. From the rocky wall that Remus had claimed as his spot for the afternoon, he could see that Lily was tired, no doubt from a combination of her pregnancy, the war, and the whirlwind wedding. James seemed to have slightly more pep in him, but even he was dragging, showing less exuberance than he would at the top of his game.
In a way, Remus was sad for his friends. He knew they were happy-whether it was now or a year from now or twenty years from now, they'd wanted to be married and raise a family-but they were also scared. This war had been building steadily for nearly decade now, and in the year since they'd left school, it had become obvious that things were starting to race exponentially to their end...and the outlook was hazy at best. The Prophet had begun to shift on its stance, and it was now nearly a daily thing to find some article within its pages suggesting that perhaps it would be best for the Ministry to cut its losses and stand down, find a way to talk things out with Voldemort (not that they ever said his name). Formal Order meetings were fewer and further between, and attendance was beginning to drop, both due to a decline in interest and desire, and a rise in the death count. At this rate, the war would be won by the most stubborn side, not the morally best or even the better fighters.
But that, Remus considered, was probably true for any war that began to drag over the years, no matter what side you fought for. The key to winning, then, was to simply stand fast and stay invested.
He saw Lily walking towards him, so he shook himself out of his serious thoughts and smiled at her. "Hallo, Mrs Potter!" he called out.
The bride smiled radiantly and opened her arms to receive a hug. "You know, when you put it like that, I can't help but wonder what the bloody hell I've gotten myself into."
Remus gave her a final squeeze as he laughed. "I think you know exactly what you got yourself into, and you'll never convince me otherwise." He stepped back, leaning against the rock wall. "Everything seemed to go well today, yeah?"
She leaned back next to him, moving carefully against the rock and mindful of her dress. "Promise not to tell James?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Er, yeah, sure. What happened?"
"Oh, nothing horrible," she said, her hand held out as though to forestall wild thoughts. "But I'd tried my dress on last week for a final fitting, made the last minute changes. And then today..." Lily laughed, resigned and amused all at once. "Today I can't zip the fucking thing!" She dropped her head in her hands, and Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Shut it, it's not funny!" She pouted a little. "Wasn't meant to go like this."
Remus stiffened, never sure exactly how to deal with female emotions. "I know. But it's all the same in the end, innit?"
Lily nodded. "Yes. You're right. The details don't matter. I'm bound to the man I love, my best friend, and that's pretty much all I ever wanted to begin with." She smiled. "Awfully girly, I know."
"Yes, very." He scooted away as she swatted at him. "But that makes James a girl, too, because I know he feels the same way. You're lucky to have each other."
"I know," she murmured. Her eyes turned sly. "Wossface couldn't make it?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Didn't work out. Wasn't really in the cards. Or at least that's what he told me."
"Perils of dating a man with a third eye."
"Indeed. But I'm not too fussed. Certainly wasn't going to be anything like you two."
Lily's face was thoughtful. "You'll find someone for you, Remus. You deserve it, almost more than anyone I know, really. And whoever you end up with, I know he'll be really special."
Remus ducked his head, his cheeks slightly pink. "He'll have to be, to handle all the strange baggage that I bring along. Makes me wonder if I just have necessary standards that are just too high to be realistic in this day and age."
"Oh that's just shit, Remus John Lupin, and you know it!" Her voice was sharp, causing Remus to jerk his head up to meet her eyes. "You've not lead a solitary life so far, have you? You've got a close group of friends who know everything about you and will do anything to take care of you. If that doesn't convince you that you'll find the right man for you one day, then you're completely hopeless!"
There wasn't much that he could say to that, so he just stared back towards the group that was converging near the buffet table. She was right-there wasn't much more he could ask for than what James, Peter and, perhaps especially, Sirius had done for him over the years.
"Ooh, speak of the devils," Lily said, interrupting his thoughts. He blinked and turned his head to see his three cohorts approaching.
"Oi, Lupin! Keep your mangy paws off my wife!"
Remus grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around a laughing Lily, pressing his body close to hers. "Wot, didn't anyone tell you how the bride gets to have her way with the groom's queerest mate? Time-honoured tradition, Prongsy!"
Peter shook his head. "No, if it's the queerest, then it's got to be Padfoot. Pretty damn queer when you can't even make up your mind which way you swing..."
"Careful or I'll be eyeing your furry little arse next, Pettigrew."
"See what I mean? Queerest of them all!" Sirius lunged towards Peter's backside, and the shorter boy squealed and scurried out of reach.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Behave, boys."
Sirius tutted. "Once again my affections are thwarted. If you're not going to let me have any fun with the hopelessly straight boys, at least give me back the one man here who can appreciate my infamous queerosity." He reached over to grab Remus's arm, pulling him away from Lily and tossing an arm over his shoulders. Remus laughed, but caught a glint in Lily's eye as she watched the easy camaraderie between Sirius and himself.
He just shot a look back at her and leaned a bit into Sirius, telling himself that Lily couldn't possibly mean what he suspected she was hinting at.
There was a sudden brush of warm lips on his ear. "Oi, Moony, let's abandon these poster children for Happily Ever After and drown our single men's sorrows in some of the Muggle beer that the Evans family has so generously donated. What say you?"
Remus smiled as he watched James kiss his new wife while Peter awkwardly averted his eyes. "They're sweet. Don't you want something like that one day?" he whispered back.
Sirius chuckled. "Yes, but I'll keep sickeningly sweet displays like that hidden behind closed doors. Uck." He moved his head back and raised his voice. "Get a room, you tossers!"
James broke away and bantered back with Sirius, and all Remus could do was smile and think he could probably go the rest of his life without a boyfriend, provided he could always have this man-these men-by his side.
* * *
His father furrowed his brow. "Stop speaking in circles, Remus. Just what are you on about?"
It was a funny thing, really. Remus was not ashamed of who he was, nor of those who shared his life. But as the moment came to finally end a secret kept for nearly ten years, he found the words sticking in his throat. He spared a glance down the table, catching the gaze of the one person who knew what he was about to say. He took strength from those soft, grey eyes; they encouraged and soothed him, and a sense of calm made him feel free.
"I'm not married, legally. But I have committed myself to one person." He gestured to the man sitting three seats away. "I've been with Sirius for about four years now."
He tried not to wince at the sound of his uncle gasping in horrified shock.
* * *
The plan had been to have a man's night out, have a few drinks at the pub down the street from Sirius's flat. Sirius, being the closest, would of course be the last to arrive, but Remus was still alone when Sirius finally swaggered in fifteen minutes late.
"Well this is a first," he said, dropping into the booth across from Remus and signaling to the first waitress he saw. "What's become of the ungulate and his fan club?"
Remus shook his head. "Not coming. They each sent an owl. Lily's sick so James is staying home like a properly whipped husband," Sirius snorted, and Remus quickly continued speaking, lest Sirius make lewd remarks about proper whipping, "and Peter's been called away on business suddenly. He's over in Ireland for a few days."
Sirius groaned. "Arseholes! Leaving us alone like this! Well I shan't toast to them, Moony. I shan't wish them health or luck or money and least of all I shan't wish them sex, because if I'm not getting it, well then neither can they."
"Oh shut up, Black. You know Peter can't help where he's sent, and as for James...well, I think normally Lily'd be happy to have him out of her hair if she was ill, but..." He paused a moment, then leaned forward and spoke in a soft, secretive voice. "I think she's pregnant."
Eyebrows threatening to leap from his forehead, Sirius mimicked Remus's position over the table and dropped his voice in kind. "Do you really? Can...I mean, is it safe?"
Remus nodded. "I think so. Mind, she hasn't told me or anything, but I know she's not been feeling well for a couple weeks now. And I know that while she's got no problems with magical remedies for flu or whatever, she didn't like to mess too much with the baby last time..."
"And look where that got them," Sirius put in, his voice a slightly sad. Remus frowned.
"Maybe so, but this feels like before."
Sirius sat back, nodding. "Well, if that's the case, then I guess I can't blame ol' Family Man McProngsley for keeping an eye on the wifey. I shall toast to her health," he conceded. As if on cue, the waitress arrived with a pint of beer and a flirtatious wink. He raised his glass, then took a long draught and set his glass down heavily. "Still wish at least one of them could've come," he whined.
Remus smirked and raised an eyebrow. "My company alone is not enough to feed your ego?"
"Course it is, Moony! You are ace at showering me with compliments that go right to my head and I shall never hear a poor word said against you in that regard. But I was so looking forward to pulling tonight, and I just can't do that knowing that I'd leave you all alone." He shook his head. "Clearly, my self-sacrificing nature must be above that of all others."
"Clearly," Remus muttered, taking a sip of his beer. "But you are obviously not taking into consideration that maybe I was hoping to pull tonight as well."
The gleam that suddenly sparked in Sirius's eye could only be called dangerously mischievous. "Moony!" Remus flushed. "You daft bastard, why didn't you say so sooner? We should head out together, definitely."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Together?"
Sirius shrugged. "No, I mean. Well, we've never actually gone out to...places that would be more conducive to meeting our type of people." He frowned. "Wonder why not..."
"Probably because our esteemed mates are very, very straight? Can you imagine Peter in a gay bar?" They both laughed at the image. "Well, it's a novel idea, and I can't spot any immediately obvious flaws, so why not? Any particular place in mind? Oi, and I'll pay this round." Remus dropped a few pound notes on the table as he and Sirius stood. They put on their coats and headed outside, wincing as the cold winter wind whipped across their cheeks. They headed down the street a bit, then ducked into a particularly manky-looking alley.
Sirius grabbed Remus's hand. "Here, ride along, I know a fantastic Muggle place up in Hull, and it's been a while since I went there. They'll like the looks of you, too." He winked, then closed his eyes and the next thing Remus knew they were in another dark, manky alley. The lights out near the street were dim, and there was a steady thump and thrum coming from a nearby building. Remus frowned.
"I don't know, Sirius. It doesn't really sound like my kind of place..."
Sirius just squeezed his hand and tugged him along as he started walking out of the alley. "Twit. There are a couple places here. Nothing like London o'course, but my point is that I didn't intend to go there." He pointed to a small queue outside the door to the building that was poorly concealing the goings-on inside. "It's not a bad place, if you're looking for a, erm, y'know, like a super quickie without having to go back outside?" Remus snorted. "But I think tonight we'll go for something a little more substantial, yes?"
"Yes, please. If I just wanted someone to screw, I wouldn't've split with Duncan." His lips quirked into a smile.
"Oh ho!" Sirius said, gleefully hooking his arm through Remus's and leaning in close. "Lad was a good shag, then?"
Remus straightened his shoulders. "A gentleman does not shag and tell, Mr Padfoot."
"Lucky for me there's no gentlemen here, aye Mr Moony?"
"Cad. He was quite a good shag, yes. But not really useful for anything else, and in the end, I prefer my partners to have some sort of practical application outside the bedroom."
"What, you don't fuck in all your rooms?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
Sirius nodded. "I do indeed." He nudged Remus slightly to the right. "It's right in there," he said, gesturing to an unremarkable door. They hurried up the short flight of stairs and Sirius knocked on the door. It opened, revealing a large man with a skeptical look on his face.
"Member?"
Sirius dug out a small card from his pocket. "Plus one. He's not been here before, but I'll vouch for him."
The bouncer looked over Sirius's card, peered at Remus with interest, then grunted and nodded. "In y'get." Sirius nodded back and took his card, then gestured for Remus to step inside past him.
The front hallway was narrow and not very long; it soon opened up into a small receiving room, tended to by a man-really, he was nearly a boy, not quite their own age-who hurriedly stepped forward to take their coats. "Good evening, gentlemen. We've a live band in tonight, there's a one drink minimum for that. It's twenty-five pounds for a semi-private room, forty for a fully-private, and right now we've a two hour wait for both." He smiled brightly. "Mr Black, pleasure to see you again. It's been a month or two, hasn't it?"
"Near on nine weeks, I think. But you know I always come back to you, don't I, Andrew?" Sirius winked, and Remus tried to hold back a grin.
The young man blushed and smiled wider. "And we are quite pleased to have your patronage." He looked over at Remus and nodded. "Welcome to MacAlystre's, sir. We hope you will have an enjoyable night."
Remus smiled. "Thank you, I hope so, too."
Sirius lightly touched Remus's shoulder. "C'mon." They walked out the back of the receiving room and found themselves back in a narrow hallway. This corridor, though, was sparsely accented by doors, each with a single digit as an identifying mark. "Private rooms," Sirius murmured, his voice a bit sly. "Most people don't come in here expecting a super quickie, but sometimes events just unfold that way, you know."
"I see," said Remus. "Use them often?"
"Actually, I don't think I have. Once I was in one of the semi-privates, but that's because a bunch of us, ah, went to the same school, and we wanted to speak freely."
"Ah. You just wanted to talk."
Sirius curled his lip. "One of them was Edwin Chandler. Now, Remus, do you really think I'm going to share my broomstick and Bludgers with Edwin Chandler?"
Remus laughed. "Oh god, that's awful! I didn't know he played for our side. That's...ugh, he's the kind of bloke that they made asexuals for, isn't he? Shit, I hope he's not here tonight, I won't be able to keep a straight face."
"That's the clever bit, Moony," Sirius said with a wink as they approached a pair of doors at the end of the hallway. "In here, you don't need to keep anything straight." He pushed the door open to reveal what Remus could only call a lounge. Thick, burgundy carpet and low ceilings kept the noise low and muffled; leather sofas and chairs were spread around in small groupings. He counted three fireplaces, and an entire wall of bookshelves.
"Very nice, Padfoot," he muttered, smiling at his friend. "Though..." He looked around again at the men milling and chatting each other up. "We're on the young side of this crowd, aren't we?"
Sirius nodded, walking further in, his aim obviously set on a free love seat. He sat down (more gently than he ever did at school or anyone's flat), then patted the cushion next to him. "Trust me, Moony, age ain't nothing but a number."
Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He couldn't think of a time that Sirius hadn't dated someone younger than himself, even with blokes. "So, what's the expectation here? If someone starts to chat me up and I'm interested, I mean, is he expecting me to take him home and shag him tonight, or am I allowed to learn his name first, maybe meet his family?"
"Oi, you said you wanted to pull!" Sirius protested.
"No, I do, but it would be nice to know that pulling can have a variety of degrees for a change." Remus frowned and crossed his arms. "Would be nice to know that a man's interested in more than my cock or my arse for at least one night, yeah?"
Sirius blinked, clearly not entirely comprehending this concept. "What're you on about? You've got me for that, don't you?"
"You?"
"To be interested in you." Sirius said this as though his meaning should be obvious. "I'm interested in more than just your...physical attributes. S'what a mate's for, like me and James and Peter."
Part of Sirius's declaration caught hold of something in Remus's brain, and he couldn't help but run over small instances, minor events from over the years. With the smallest quirk of his lips he asked, "So you are interested in my physical attributes?"
He was rewarded with a peculiar spluttering sound. "I...er...what?"
Remus's tongue quickly darted out to wet his lips. "You said you were interested in more than just my physical attributes. So you are also interested...?"
"Well. I mean, you're fit and all," Sirius said, his voice full of a confidence belied by the light blush staining his cheeks. "M'not blind, am I? But it's not like I stare at you all day long."
Remus took his turn to blush. "No, I...I know you don't. Just...I guess I never thought that..."
"So do you? Y'know, think about my...physical attributes?" His tone was less confident and more curious, and Remus had a feeling that it was a very important question that required all due consideration and a fully honest reply.
* * *
Remus's cousin Aaron snorted and started eating his food again.
Uncle Jason, who had made the horrified gasp, showed no signs of recovery, and seemed to be turning his fury towards those who weren't taking this tragic news as hard as he was.
Lynn, Jason's wife, was frowning, but was carefully avoiding looking at her husband.
Remus watched his parents look at each other for a moment, then turned to look back at Sirius, who was staring at him with a look of pride. Love you, he mouthed to the dark-haired man; Sirius smiled and nodded.
* * *
"What happens now?" Sirius murmured, his fingers stroking lightly through Remus's sweaty hair.
"Mmm." Remus shifted slightly, nuzzling his nose into Sirius's shoulder. "Does something have to happen? It's getting on near three in the morning, innit? Rather looking forward to sleep."
There was a low chuckle. "I was thinking more...when it's morning. A week from now. Next time we go out for drinks with the happy couples."
Remus sighed; it was obvious that Sirius was thinking too hard about this subject, and he wouldn't let it drop until it was sorted. "I don't know. Does it really matter right now?" Sirius grunted; Remus hurried to clarify. "I mean, this was just because we wanted to pull tonight, right?" Right?, he added in his head, with a tone of worry and desperation.
"Well, yeah. But, I mean, you're my mate. You're not some random bloke who I'm going to awkwardly get rid of in the morning and never see again."
"Thank goodness for that," Remus said with a smile. "But, look, why does anything have to happen? We're all busy right now, I don't think either of us is looking for anything long-term, are we?" He felt Sirius shake his head. "So then, s'just two mates having a shag. No big deal, yeah?"
Sirius made some wuffling sounds-so reminiscent of Padfoot, Remus thought fondly. "How d'you think Prongs will take it?"
Remus pulled away slightly, frowning at the direction of the conversation. "Why does he have to know? If it's just a one-time thing-"
"Do you regret it?" Sirius's voice was quiet, worried.
"I think you should know me well enough after all this time to know that if either of us is going to do something he regrets, it'll be you." He meant to be teasing, but there was a small note of accusation, a pointed reminder of past regretful actions that, though long since forgiven, could never be completely forgotten.
"Nah, I don't regret it." Sirius sounded casual, nonchalant, though for some reason Remus thought that something else lingered just under the surface. "But...I guess I'd like to know..." (and Remus realised that lingering something was a verbal blush) "...I mean, if this war is only going to be worse before it gets better, and we..." Sirius laughed suddenly, surprising Remus. "God, I sound like such a girl. Look, with everything going on, pulling other wizards might not be the smartest idea, and I hate to bring a Muggle in on this, even briefly. But, honestly Moony, if I have to give up shagging, well, then Voldemort's just bloody won, hasn't he?"
Remus chuckled, finally understanding the ramblings of his best friend. "You want an all-access pass to fuck me while there's a war on?"
Sirius punched his arm. "Pillock, that sounds horrible." Remus raised an eyebrow. "But yes, that's essentially what I was getting at. Just...it's nice to have something certain while everything's falling apart, right?"
Part of Remus objected, cried out at the idea of being Sirius's convenient, safe fuck in a world gone mad. A larger part rejoiced, recognised that in the grand scheme of things, the closest thing he'd ever have to a relationship would be a fail-safe option with a friend, and wasn't he lucky that the friend in question would be Sirius Black?
"Yeah, it is nice. And I guess you're an all right shag, so we can keep on if you like."
"Mmn. Gonna get you for that in the morning," Sirius said, his voice now slurred and sleepy. "I'm a brilliant shag."
* * *
The adults had decided, silently amongst meaningful looks, to hold off any further discussion of dinnertime revelations until the children could be dismissed. Of course, that couldn't happen until they had finished their dinners and eaten dessert and enjoyed their crackers and worn paper crowns and been generally oblivious to the vague haze of disapproval and discomfort that enveloped everyone over four feet tall.
When the children were safely upstairs (including Charlotte, who seemed perfectly content with the idea that Remus was as good as married to another boy and had no other questions for him), the adults resettled in the lounge. Armed with alcohol, the older generations managed not to flinch as the youngest in the room slid onto the love seat and took his friend by the hand and pulled him down to sit far closer than they'd sat while the hors d'oeuvres were being served.
No one wanted to be the first to speak. Remus felt he'd already said all that anyone could demand of him; his parents were unwilling to interrogate their son in front of the family. Gran Reynolds simply pursed her lips, thinking to herself how glad she was that her husband was not alive to learn such a thing about his favourite grandson.
In the end, it was Julia, Remus's other cousin, who broke the awkward silence. "So, Remus, what are you doing these days? I remember you took a few years off after school, didn't you?"
Remus smiled, thinking that he'd rather like to get up and kiss her for being such a lovely, sensible girl.
* * *
It was cold and dark, and Remus was scared shitless.
He had been the golden boy of the Defence classroom. Seven years' worth of professors could all agree on one thing: that Remus Lupin was a born Auror, with a keen sense of his surroundings and danger and reflexes swift enough to make a cat's eyes green. Of course, they didn't know that he had other inescapable qualities that would forever bar him from acceptance into the program. McGonagall had looked out for him when NEWTs came around and the ones he chose weren't those generally known as making up the Auror Career Path by deflecting the questions and outraged remarks. She assured anyone who had the gall to ask that she had counseled Remus quite thoroughly on his career choices, and they all were satisfied with his decision.
No one could ever figure out what he was taking NEWTs for; no one could imagine that he had decided to simply take what classes he liked best, because he planned to seek out Muggle jobs as much as possible.
And yet, here he was, twenty-one years and three days old, lying face down in what could only be called sludge, trying his damnedest not to breathe, lest the troupe of Death Eaters who very unexpectedly walked in upstairs heard him.
He hoped the others were having a better time of it. The bracelets with tracking stones that he wore on his arms and leg were all slightly warm, reassuring him at least that they were safe, which meant they were probably back at the rendezvous point. Probably wondering what the hell had happened to him. His task was hardly the most difficult; they'd given the hard ones to Sirius and James, seeing as those two were the ones with actual training in these matters.
It was nearly twenty minutes later when he was finally able to move, stiff and cold and shivering, tongue stuck between his teeth to keep them from clattering. He crouched just outside the small hole he'd made in the foundation of the building and slung the spell-reinforced bag across his back. He hated carrying Dark objects; they always set his skin tingling in a funny way. Remus took a deep breath and looked across the long yard, trying to gauge just how far he had to run undetected before he could Apparate home.
Suddenly he felt two of the tracking stones cool drastically, and he gasped as he saw too figures emerge right where he was planning to head. It seemed that James and Sirius had tired of waiting for him. There was nothing for it now: they wouldn't be quiet in rescuing him, so he decided to go for broke and just run like hell.
He was halfway to safety when he heard James yelling his name from in front of him, and more indistinct shouts from behind him. Realising the remaining Death Eaters were on to him, Remus ran faster, clutching his bag close and fumbling to get his wand ready to either fend off hexes or Apparate away. He saw his friends taking on a defensive posture, and it took a concerted effort not to slow and look back when he heard the first spells being cast. He managed to keep his head low, arms in, and eyes down, not wanting to see the colours of the spells being fired at him. He felt a breeze across his left arm just as he reached the others. Sirius grabbed his arm and before Remus knew what was happening he was being side-alonged back to Sirius's flat.
"Fuck, Moony you're hit..." Remus was still dazed from the sudden Apparation and let Sirius fuss over him. His bag was tossed to the side, and his coat and shirt pulled off carelessly. "Merlin, just a graze," Sirius muttered. "Don't even know what spell it was..." He ran his wand over the wound, murmuring healing spells and smoothing his hand in its wake.
"M'all right, Padfoot," Remus said, feeling his body sag as the shock of adrenaline left him.
Sirius frowned and put his wand aside, then stepped fully in front of Remus, his hands coming up to hold the other man's shoulders. "Wanker. Why didn't you send for help?"
Remus sighed and rested his own hands on Sirius's waist. "You wouldn't have been able to do more than you did. I would've been okay." He could feel Sirius's hands tighten their grip. "Really."
"No," Sirius replied, shaking his head and stepping closer. "I made a bad decision, keeping this whole thing just between us. I should have gone to the Order with the information my brother brought us..."
Remus raised one hand to Sirius's cheek and spoke in a soothing voice, "I understand why you didn't, and I don't blame you...it was a risk we had to take, and we couldn't trust the Order to take it..."
"It's not worth the fucking risk if I lose you, Remus!" Sirius's voice was laced with a high note of panic and desperation, his eyes wide and bright. "Don't you know I'd rather live an eternity under Voldemort's rule with you than a minute in paradise without you?"
The sound of the slap! surprised them both; Remus's hand suddenly stung and there was a red mark across Sirius's cheek, and Remus couldn't remember giving it to him. "Don't you say that again, Sirius Black. We are each one man, just one fucking man, and you know it's not right to wish the worst for the world just so one man can survive. And if you can't deal in vague concepts of the greater good right now, then consider just how likely it would be that Voldemort would tolerate two queers-one of whom is a half-blood werewolf-to spend any kind of time together? If you don't want to lose me, if you want me by your side for the rest of our lives, then you have to risk the length of those lives. You have to risk them at every chance, because every time we survive, that's one more time we've told them to go to hell, that they're not going to tell us how to live or how to love. It's not worth anything if we survive miserably-we have to survive blissfully. We have to-"
He stopped his grand speech then, interrupted by the hard press of lips against his in a burning, passionate kiss. Sirius's arms curled around his torso completely, drawing them together as close as they could get, though it was far from close enough. Remus clutched the back of Sirius's head, fingers clenching in the slick black hair as they kissed, deep and invasive and thrilling.
The need for oxygen got the better of them finally, and they pulled apart slightly, foreheads touching as they caught their breath. Remus shivered as Sirius's fingers lightly traced the line of his neck.
"God help me but I love you," Sirius whispered.
"I love you, too," was all that Remus could say in return. A small corner of his mind was keen to point out that this was the first time either of them had said that to the other. For Remus's part, it was the first time he'd acknowledged the emotion to himself, the first time he'd dropped the pretense that this was just a convenient shag with a friend. It had been, really, a very long time since they stopped shagging and started making love.
Sirius raised his hand up, running his thumb across Remus's lip. "I should've said that long ago," he continued. "I want to be blissful with you, Remus Moony Lupin."
Remus pursed his lips in a small kiss to Sirius's thumb. "Will you risk everything to be blissful with me, Sirius Padfoot Black?"
"Always," Sirius said, his voice cracking with the force of his promise. He leaned in to kiss Remus again, and Remus sighed with content and kissed him back, long and languid.
At least, until they were interrupted by a loud crack! and the outraged cry of a confused young man who was left behind in battle, didn't know where his friends had gone, and finally found them snogging, which was an extremely unexpected turn of events inasmuch as he'd never actually thought that his two mates would ever realise just how much they cared for each other.
* * *
Remus liked to wash the dishes, a fact that made living with a man who had grown up with house-elves both at home and at school much less stressful. He loved the warm water on his hands, especially in the week after the moon when his fingers were still stiff and raw from scratching and tearing during the transformation. He was nearly a week past now, but the stress of the evening had seeped into his joints. He'd shooed away the women who'd gravitated towards the sink, and they pinched his cheeks and called him a dear boy, though he thought he heard someone mutter that it was a right shame he'd gone funny where it counted.
He was humming to himself when he felt a pair of hands glide down his arms into the soapy water and wrap around his palms. "Hurting tonight?" Sirius murmured in his ear.
"Mmm." Remus stopped washing, letting Sirius's fingers rub his hands. "Not too bad." He looked into the water, smiling at the pair of rings that were the inadvertent cause of the night's stress. "You think we'll be invited to next year's Reynolds Family Christmas Feast?"
Sirius snorted. "I don't think it's looking too likely now, no. But that's a whole year away, lot can happen in a year, yeah?"
"True enough." He twined their fingers together, raising one combined fist to his lips. "And it probably will."
End.
RATING: PG-13
LENGTH: 6,879 words
PAIRING: Remus/Sirius, with a side of James/Lily
ERA: Post-Hogwarts (AU)
NOTES: This is an AU, but the details aren't really important (much to my brain's annoyance, as it spent a lot of time thinking up a lot of backstory that never got included!). Maybe I'll play in this universe again some day :D
Many, many thanks to io_aenaria and libgirl for betaing, and to everyone who has listened to me whine about this fic for about two months now! This started as a birthday fic for jillenhall, and has become a slightly belated Valentine's Day/Lupercalia fic for everyone!
CHARLOTTE'S WEB OF FAMILIAL AWKWARDNESS
If he tried hard enough (and as he was a generally smart and capable young man, that wasn't really very hard at all), he could blame all of this entirely on Lily. The table was dead quiet as a pair of innocent, five-year-old eyes stared at him alongside dozens of other, not-so-innocent eyes (and one pair of eyes that was pointedly still looking at the dinner plate below).
"Charlotte?" He winced at the tone of his mother's voice. "Honey, why would you ask that?"
The little girl had a faint lisp, but her words were quite unmistakable. "He's wearin' a ring like mummies and daddies do. Cuz he's mawwied!"
Around the Christmas dinner table, four generations of the Reynolds family stared again at Remus, this time their eyes lowered to scrutinize his left hand. Indeed, his ring finger was aptly named. Circling it was a simple band of what looked like silver, but was really platinum; there were no gems or etchings or any other distinguishing characteristics. On any other finger, the child's interpretation would be simple to correct, easy to dismiss.
But the young girl understood more than the adults around her did, and Remus knew it was time for a closely kept secret to finally be set free.
He smiled at Charlotte, and opened his mouth to speak.
* * *
When he was in school, he regarded his predilection for the rougher sex as something far more dangerous to his mates than his monthly transformations into a beast. After all, he was a poof every day of his life rather than once in a lunar cycle. And although James and Peter and Sirius had all assured him time after time that they didn't care one bit, that he was the same Moony that he'd been for the last six and a half years, he was still loathe to flaunt it, to talk about blokes he fancied the same way they did about girls. Even after they'd left Hogwarts and he'd lost his excuse about not outing himself to the school at large, Remus never brought anyone when they had group dates. He seemed content to be the seventh wheel.
It wasn't that he ignored that part of himself. In fact, more than a few times he elected to beg off from going out with his friends in favor of spending a night with his current flame. But he felt there was no need to combine the two sides of his life, and none of his friends seemed particularly keen on integration.
At least not until the night that Sirius came sprawling through Remus's Floo and begged him for a jar of lube and tips for fucking another man.
Remus's mind sorted out the relevant issues quickly enough; he Summoned a spare jar and rattled off a few bits of information in a daze, standing stock still as Sirius gave him a tight hug in thanks and left through the fireplace as quickly as he'd arrived.
The next day found Sirius knocking sheepishly at Remus's door, and with a bit more time to spare this visit, they sat down over tea and had a quiet discussion focusing on the delights found in other men, just how to tell ol' Prongs, and exactly when and how Sirius came to realise he wasn't so picky about the genders of those with whom he fooled around. After that Remus brought his blokes on group outings whenever Sirius did, and the issue melted away entirely.
* * *
"I'm not married, Charlotte," he said, and from his right he could hear a faintly relieved sigh from his mother. He paused, allowing her, and everyone else, to make their mental leaps from the mundane to the queer. He tried not to smirk.
Uncle Jason spoke up, his voice sounding faintly amused. "Having trouble with the ladies, eh lad? Got to convince them you're taken so they'll give you a moment's peace?"
There was a soft snort from down the table, but Remus didn't turn to acknowledge it. "If 'the ladies' are so interested in me, they've certainly never made that particularly clear. Not that it would..." he took a deep breath, "it wouldn't make much difference."
* * *
As luck would have it, by the time the wedding came around, both Remus and Sirius were single, and neither wanted to put anyone new though the stress of trying to make himself (or herself-Sirius swore he might switch back to birds at any time) comfortable in the group.
The ceremony was awkward enough; Lily's father was not actually holding a shotgun to James's back, but the implication was there. It didn't matter that they had been engaged for nearly six months before Lily found herself in the family way. Michael Evans would not have his grandchild born a bastard, and if that meant that his little girl had to get married far sooner than she'd liked, well that was her own fault. James tried to be a good sport about the whole thing by breaking tradition and footing the bill himself, but everyone knew it wasn't the same as if Lily had spent a full two years planning the event.
When all was said and done, the couple was happily married and the guests were happy to be out of the ruined, but still somehow sweltering, chapel that lay hidden in the back acres of the Potters' summer manor. The family's servants (both human and house-elf) had set up the reception all over the grounds, with several areas specifically charmed to keep the Muggles out and keep the magic in. The bride and groom wandered aimlessly, arms linked and smiles almost completely real. From the rocky wall that Remus had claimed as his spot for the afternoon, he could see that Lily was tired, no doubt from a combination of her pregnancy, the war, and the whirlwind wedding. James seemed to have slightly more pep in him, but even he was dragging, showing less exuberance than he would at the top of his game.
In a way, Remus was sad for his friends. He knew they were happy-whether it was now or a year from now or twenty years from now, they'd wanted to be married and raise a family-but they were also scared. This war had been building steadily for nearly decade now, and in the year since they'd left school, it had become obvious that things were starting to race exponentially to their end...and the outlook was hazy at best. The Prophet had begun to shift on its stance, and it was now nearly a daily thing to find some article within its pages suggesting that perhaps it would be best for the Ministry to cut its losses and stand down, find a way to talk things out with Voldemort (not that they ever said his name). Formal Order meetings were fewer and further between, and attendance was beginning to drop, both due to a decline in interest and desire, and a rise in the death count. At this rate, the war would be won by the most stubborn side, not the morally best or even the better fighters.
But that, Remus considered, was probably true for any war that began to drag over the years, no matter what side you fought for. The key to winning, then, was to simply stand fast and stay invested.
He saw Lily walking towards him, so he shook himself out of his serious thoughts and smiled at her. "Hallo, Mrs Potter!" he called out.
The bride smiled radiantly and opened her arms to receive a hug. "You know, when you put it like that, I can't help but wonder what the bloody hell I've gotten myself into."
Remus gave her a final squeeze as he laughed. "I think you know exactly what you got yourself into, and you'll never convince me otherwise." He stepped back, leaning against the rock wall. "Everything seemed to go well today, yeah?"
She leaned back next to him, moving carefully against the rock and mindful of her dress. "Promise not to tell James?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Er, yeah, sure. What happened?"
"Oh, nothing horrible," she said, her hand held out as though to forestall wild thoughts. "But I'd tried my dress on last week for a final fitting, made the last minute changes. And then today..." Lily laughed, resigned and amused all at once. "Today I can't zip the fucking thing!" She dropped her head in her hands, and Remus couldn't help but chuckle. "Shut it, it's not funny!" She pouted a little. "Wasn't meant to go like this."
Remus stiffened, never sure exactly how to deal with female emotions. "I know. But it's all the same in the end, innit?"
Lily nodded. "Yes. You're right. The details don't matter. I'm bound to the man I love, my best friend, and that's pretty much all I ever wanted to begin with." She smiled. "Awfully girly, I know."
"Yes, very." He scooted away as she swatted at him. "But that makes James a girl, too, because I know he feels the same way. You're lucky to have each other."
"I know," she murmured. Her eyes turned sly. "Wossface couldn't make it?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Didn't work out. Wasn't really in the cards. Or at least that's what he told me."
"Perils of dating a man with a third eye."
"Indeed. But I'm not too fussed. Certainly wasn't going to be anything like you two."
Lily's face was thoughtful. "You'll find someone for you, Remus. You deserve it, almost more than anyone I know, really. And whoever you end up with, I know he'll be really special."
Remus ducked his head, his cheeks slightly pink. "He'll have to be, to handle all the strange baggage that I bring along. Makes me wonder if I just have necessary standards that are just too high to be realistic in this day and age."
"Oh that's just shit, Remus John Lupin, and you know it!" Her voice was sharp, causing Remus to jerk his head up to meet her eyes. "You've not lead a solitary life so far, have you? You've got a close group of friends who know everything about you and will do anything to take care of you. If that doesn't convince you that you'll find the right man for you one day, then you're completely hopeless!"
There wasn't much that he could say to that, so he just stared back towards the group that was converging near the buffet table. She was right-there wasn't much more he could ask for than what James, Peter and, perhaps especially, Sirius had done for him over the years.
"Ooh, speak of the devils," Lily said, interrupting his thoughts. He blinked and turned his head to see his three cohorts approaching.
"Oi, Lupin! Keep your mangy paws off my wife!"
Remus grinned and wrapped his arms tightly around a laughing Lily, pressing his body close to hers. "Wot, didn't anyone tell you how the bride gets to have her way with the groom's queerest mate? Time-honoured tradition, Prongsy!"
Peter shook his head. "No, if it's the queerest, then it's got to be Padfoot. Pretty damn queer when you can't even make up your mind which way you swing..."
"Careful or I'll be eyeing your furry little arse next, Pettigrew."
"See what I mean? Queerest of them all!" Sirius lunged towards Peter's backside, and the shorter boy squealed and scurried out of reach.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Behave, boys."
Sirius tutted. "Once again my affections are thwarted. If you're not going to let me have any fun with the hopelessly straight boys, at least give me back the one man here who can appreciate my infamous queerosity." He reached over to grab Remus's arm, pulling him away from Lily and tossing an arm over his shoulders. Remus laughed, but caught a glint in Lily's eye as she watched the easy camaraderie between Sirius and himself.
He just shot a look back at her and leaned a bit into Sirius, telling himself that Lily couldn't possibly mean what he suspected she was hinting at.
There was a sudden brush of warm lips on his ear. "Oi, Moony, let's abandon these poster children for Happily Ever After and drown our single men's sorrows in some of the Muggle beer that the Evans family has so generously donated. What say you?"
Remus smiled as he watched James kiss his new wife while Peter awkwardly averted his eyes. "They're sweet. Don't you want something like that one day?" he whispered back.
Sirius chuckled. "Yes, but I'll keep sickeningly sweet displays like that hidden behind closed doors. Uck." He moved his head back and raised his voice. "Get a room, you tossers!"
James broke away and bantered back with Sirius, and all Remus could do was smile and think he could probably go the rest of his life without a boyfriend, provided he could always have this man-these men-by his side.
* * *
His father furrowed his brow. "Stop speaking in circles, Remus. Just what are you on about?"
It was a funny thing, really. Remus was not ashamed of who he was, nor of those who shared his life. But as the moment came to finally end a secret kept for nearly ten years, he found the words sticking in his throat. He spared a glance down the table, catching the gaze of the one person who knew what he was about to say. He took strength from those soft, grey eyes; they encouraged and soothed him, and a sense of calm made him feel free.
"I'm not married, legally. But I have committed myself to one person." He gestured to the man sitting three seats away. "I've been with Sirius for about four years now."
He tried not to wince at the sound of his uncle gasping in horrified shock.
* * *
The plan had been to have a man's night out, have a few drinks at the pub down the street from Sirius's flat. Sirius, being the closest, would of course be the last to arrive, but Remus was still alone when Sirius finally swaggered in fifteen minutes late.
"Well this is a first," he said, dropping into the booth across from Remus and signaling to the first waitress he saw. "What's become of the ungulate and his fan club?"
Remus shook his head. "Not coming. They each sent an owl. Lily's sick so James is staying home like a properly whipped husband," Sirius snorted, and Remus quickly continued speaking, lest Sirius make lewd remarks about proper whipping, "and Peter's been called away on business suddenly. He's over in Ireland for a few days."
Sirius groaned. "Arseholes! Leaving us alone like this! Well I shan't toast to them, Moony. I shan't wish them health or luck or money and least of all I shan't wish them sex, because if I'm not getting it, well then neither can they."
"Oh shut up, Black. You know Peter can't help where he's sent, and as for James...well, I think normally Lily'd be happy to have him out of her hair if she was ill, but..." He paused a moment, then leaned forward and spoke in a soft, secretive voice. "I think she's pregnant."
Eyebrows threatening to leap from his forehead, Sirius mimicked Remus's position over the table and dropped his voice in kind. "Do you really? Can...I mean, is it safe?"
Remus nodded. "I think so. Mind, she hasn't told me or anything, but I know she's not been feeling well for a couple weeks now. And I know that while she's got no problems with magical remedies for flu or whatever, she didn't like to mess too much with the baby last time..."
"And look where that got them," Sirius put in, his voice a slightly sad. Remus frowned.
"Maybe so, but this feels like before."
Sirius sat back, nodding. "Well, if that's the case, then I guess I can't blame ol' Family Man McProngsley for keeping an eye on the wifey. I shall toast to her health," he conceded. As if on cue, the waitress arrived with a pint of beer and a flirtatious wink. He raised his glass, then took a long draught and set his glass down heavily. "Still wish at least one of them could've come," he whined.
Remus smirked and raised an eyebrow. "My company alone is not enough to feed your ego?"
"Course it is, Moony! You are ace at showering me with compliments that go right to my head and I shall never hear a poor word said against you in that regard. But I was so looking forward to pulling tonight, and I just can't do that knowing that I'd leave you all alone." He shook his head. "Clearly, my self-sacrificing nature must be above that of all others."
"Clearly," Remus muttered, taking a sip of his beer. "But you are obviously not taking into consideration that maybe I was hoping to pull tonight as well."
The gleam that suddenly sparked in Sirius's eye could only be called dangerously mischievous. "Moony!" Remus flushed. "You daft bastard, why didn't you say so sooner? We should head out together, definitely."
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Together?"
Sirius shrugged. "No, I mean. Well, we've never actually gone out to...places that would be more conducive to meeting our type of people." He frowned. "Wonder why not..."
"Probably because our esteemed mates are very, very straight? Can you imagine Peter in a gay bar?" They both laughed at the image. "Well, it's a novel idea, and I can't spot any immediately obvious flaws, so why not? Any particular place in mind? Oi, and I'll pay this round." Remus dropped a few pound notes on the table as he and Sirius stood. They put on their coats and headed outside, wincing as the cold winter wind whipped across their cheeks. They headed down the street a bit, then ducked into a particularly manky-looking alley.
Sirius grabbed Remus's hand. "Here, ride along, I know a fantastic Muggle place up in Hull, and it's been a while since I went there. They'll like the looks of you, too." He winked, then closed his eyes and the next thing Remus knew they were in another dark, manky alley. The lights out near the street were dim, and there was a steady thump and thrum coming from a nearby building. Remus frowned.
"I don't know, Sirius. It doesn't really sound like my kind of place..."
Sirius just squeezed his hand and tugged him along as he started walking out of the alley. "Twit. There are a couple places here. Nothing like London o'course, but my point is that I didn't intend to go there." He pointed to a small queue outside the door to the building that was poorly concealing the goings-on inside. "It's not a bad place, if you're looking for a, erm, y'know, like a super quickie without having to go back outside?" Remus snorted. "But I think tonight we'll go for something a little more substantial, yes?"
"Yes, please. If I just wanted someone to screw, I wouldn't've split with Duncan." His lips quirked into a smile.
"Oh ho!" Sirius said, gleefully hooking his arm through Remus's and leaning in close. "Lad was a good shag, then?"
Remus straightened his shoulders. "A gentleman does not shag and tell, Mr Padfoot."
"Lucky for me there's no gentlemen here, aye Mr Moony?"
"Cad. He was quite a good shag, yes. But not really useful for anything else, and in the end, I prefer my partners to have some sort of practical application outside the bedroom."
"What, you don't fuck in all your rooms?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
Sirius nodded. "I do indeed." He nudged Remus slightly to the right. "It's right in there," he said, gesturing to an unremarkable door. They hurried up the short flight of stairs and Sirius knocked on the door. It opened, revealing a large man with a skeptical look on his face.
"Member?"
Sirius dug out a small card from his pocket. "Plus one. He's not been here before, but I'll vouch for him."
The bouncer looked over Sirius's card, peered at Remus with interest, then grunted and nodded. "In y'get." Sirius nodded back and took his card, then gestured for Remus to step inside past him.
The front hallway was narrow and not very long; it soon opened up into a small receiving room, tended to by a man-really, he was nearly a boy, not quite their own age-who hurriedly stepped forward to take their coats. "Good evening, gentlemen. We've a live band in tonight, there's a one drink minimum for that. It's twenty-five pounds for a semi-private room, forty for a fully-private, and right now we've a two hour wait for both." He smiled brightly. "Mr Black, pleasure to see you again. It's been a month or two, hasn't it?"
"Near on nine weeks, I think. But you know I always come back to you, don't I, Andrew?" Sirius winked, and Remus tried to hold back a grin.
The young man blushed and smiled wider. "And we are quite pleased to have your patronage." He looked over at Remus and nodded. "Welcome to MacAlystre's, sir. We hope you will have an enjoyable night."
Remus smiled. "Thank you, I hope so, too."
Sirius lightly touched Remus's shoulder. "C'mon." They walked out the back of the receiving room and found themselves back in a narrow hallway. This corridor, though, was sparsely accented by doors, each with a single digit as an identifying mark. "Private rooms," Sirius murmured, his voice a bit sly. "Most people don't come in here expecting a super quickie, but sometimes events just unfold that way, you know."
"I see," said Remus. "Use them often?"
"Actually, I don't think I have. Once I was in one of the semi-privates, but that's because a bunch of us, ah, went to the same school, and we wanted to speak freely."
"Ah. You just wanted to talk."
Sirius curled his lip. "One of them was Edwin Chandler. Now, Remus, do you really think I'm going to share my broomstick and Bludgers with Edwin Chandler?"
Remus laughed. "Oh god, that's awful! I didn't know he played for our side. That's...ugh, he's the kind of bloke that they made asexuals for, isn't he? Shit, I hope he's not here tonight, I won't be able to keep a straight face."
"That's the clever bit, Moony," Sirius said with a wink as they approached a pair of doors at the end of the hallway. "In here, you don't need to keep anything straight." He pushed the door open to reveal what Remus could only call a lounge. Thick, burgundy carpet and low ceilings kept the noise low and muffled; leather sofas and chairs were spread around in small groupings. He counted three fireplaces, and an entire wall of bookshelves.
"Very nice, Padfoot," he muttered, smiling at his friend. "Though..." He looked around again at the men milling and chatting each other up. "We're on the young side of this crowd, aren't we?"
Sirius nodded, walking further in, his aim obviously set on a free love seat. He sat down (more gently than he ever did at school or anyone's flat), then patted the cushion next to him. "Trust me, Moony, age ain't nothing but a number."
Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He couldn't think of a time that Sirius hadn't dated someone younger than himself, even with blokes. "So, what's the expectation here? If someone starts to chat me up and I'm interested, I mean, is he expecting me to take him home and shag him tonight, or am I allowed to learn his name first, maybe meet his family?"
"Oi, you said you wanted to pull!" Sirius protested.
"No, I do, but it would be nice to know that pulling can have a variety of degrees for a change." Remus frowned and crossed his arms. "Would be nice to know that a man's interested in more than my cock or my arse for at least one night, yeah?"
Sirius blinked, clearly not entirely comprehending this concept. "What're you on about? You've got me for that, don't you?"
"You?"
"To be interested in you." Sirius said this as though his meaning should be obvious. "I'm interested in more than just your...physical attributes. S'what a mate's for, like me and James and Peter."
Part of Sirius's declaration caught hold of something in Remus's brain, and he couldn't help but run over small instances, minor events from over the years. With the smallest quirk of his lips he asked, "So you are interested in my physical attributes?"
He was rewarded with a peculiar spluttering sound. "I...er...what?"
Remus's tongue quickly darted out to wet his lips. "You said you were interested in more than just my physical attributes. So you are also interested...?"
"Well. I mean, you're fit and all," Sirius said, his voice full of a confidence belied by the light blush staining his cheeks. "M'not blind, am I? But it's not like I stare at you all day long."
Remus took his turn to blush. "No, I...I know you don't. Just...I guess I never thought that..."
"So do you? Y'know, think about my...physical attributes?" His tone was less confident and more curious, and Remus had a feeling that it was a very important question that required all due consideration and a fully honest reply.
* * *
Remus's cousin Aaron snorted and started eating his food again.
Uncle Jason, who had made the horrified gasp, showed no signs of recovery, and seemed to be turning his fury towards those who weren't taking this tragic news as hard as he was.
Lynn, Jason's wife, was frowning, but was carefully avoiding looking at her husband.
Remus watched his parents look at each other for a moment, then turned to look back at Sirius, who was staring at him with a look of pride. Love you, he mouthed to the dark-haired man; Sirius smiled and nodded.
* * *
"What happens now?" Sirius murmured, his fingers stroking lightly through Remus's sweaty hair.
"Mmm." Remus shifted slightly, nuzzling his nose into Sirius's shoulder. "Does something have to happen? It's getting on near three in the morning, innit? Rather looking forward to sleep."
There was a low chuckle. "I was thinking more...when it's morning. A week from now. Next time we go out for drinks with the happy couples."
Remus sighed; it was obvious that Sirius was thinking too hard about this subject, and he wouldn't let it drop until it was sorted. "I don't know. Does it really matter right now?" Sirius grunted; Remus hurried to clarify. "I mean, this was just because we wanted to pull tonight, right?" Right?, he added in his head, with a tone of worry and desperation.
"Well, yeah. But, I mean, you're my mate. You're not some random bloke who I'm going to awkwardly get rid of in the morning and never see again."
"Thank goodness for that," Remus said with a smile. "But, look, why does anything have to happen? We're all busy right now, I don't think either of us is looking for anything long-term, are we?" He felt Sirius shake his head. "So then, s'just two mates having a shag. No big deal, yeah?"
Sirius made some wuffling sounds-so reminiscent of Padfoot, Remus thought fondly. "How d'you think Prongs will take it?"
Remus pulled away slightly, frowning at the direction of the conversation. "Why does he have to know? If it's just a one-time thing-"
"Do you regret it?" Sirius's voice was quiet, worried.
"I think you should know me well enough after all this time to know that if either of us is going to do something he regrets, it'll be you." He meant to be teasing, but there was a small note of accusation, a pointed reminder of past regretful actions that, though long since forgiven, could never be completely forgotten.
"Nah, I don't regret it." Sirius sounded casual, nonchalant, though for some reason Remus thought that something else lingered just under the surface. "But...I guess I'd like to know..." (and Remus realised that lingering something was a verbal blush) "...I mean, if this war is only going to be worse before it gets better, and we..." Sirius laughed suddenly, surprising Remus. "God, I sound like such a girl. Look, with everything going on, pulling other wizards might not be the smartest idea, and I hate to bring a Muggle in on this, even briefly. But, honestly Moony, if I have to give up shagging, well, then Voldemort's just bloody won, hasn't he?"
Remus chuckled, finally understanding the ramblings of his best friend. "You want an all-access pass to fuck me while there's a war on?"
Sirius punched his arm. "Pillock, that sounds horrible." Remus raised an eyebrow. "But yes, that's essentially what I was getting at. Just...it's nice to have something certain while everything's falling apart, right?"
Part of Remus objected, cried out at the idea of being Sirius's convenient, safe fuck in a world gone mad. A larger part rejoiced, recognised that in the grand scheme of things, the closest thing he'd ever have to a relationship would be a fail-safe option with a friend, and wasn't he lucky that the friend in question would be Sirius Black?
"Yeah, it is nice. And I guess you're an all right shag, so we can keep on if you like."
"Mmn. Gonna get you for that in the morning," Sirius said, his voice now slurred and sleepy. "I'm a brilliant shag."
* * *
The adults had decided, silently amongst meaningful looks, to hold off any further discussion of dinnertime revelations until the children could be dismissed. Of course, that couldn't happen until they had finished their dinners and eaten dessert and enjoyed their crackers and worn paper crowns and been generally oblivious to the vague haze of disapproval and discomfort that enveloped everyone over four feet tall.
When the children were safely upstairs (including Charlotte, who seemed perfectly content with the idea that Remus was as good as married to another boy and had no other questions for him), the adults resettled in the lounge. Armed with alcohol, the older generations managed not to flinch as the youngest in the room slid onto the love seat and took his friend by the hand and pulled him down to sit far closer than they'd sat while the hors d'oeuvres were being served.
No one wanted to be the first to speak. Remus felt he'd already said all that anyone could demand of him; his parents were unwilling to interrogate their son in front of the family. Gran Reynolds simply pursed her lips, thinking to herself how glad she was that her husband was not alive to learn such a thing about his favourite grandson.
In the end, it was Julia, Remus's other cousin, who broke the awkward silence. "So, Remus, what are you doing these days? I remember you took a few years off after school, didn't you?"
Remus smiled, thinking that he'd rather like to get up and kiss her for being such a lovely, sensible girl.
* * *
It was cold and dark, and Remus was scared shitless.
He had been the golden boy of the Defence classroom. Seven years' worth of professors could all agree on one thing: that Remus Lupin was a born Auror, with a keen sense of his surroundings and danger and reflexes swift enough to make a cat's eyes green. Of course, they didn't know that he had other inescapable qualities that would forever bar him from acceptance into the program. McGonagall had looked out for him when NEWTs came around and the ones he chose weren't those generally known as making up the Auror Career Path by deflecting the questions and outraged remarks. She assured anyone who had the gall to ask that she had counseled Remus quite thoroughly on his career choices, and they all were satisfied with his decision.
No one could ever figure out what he was taking NEWTs for; no one could imagine that he had decided to simply take what classes he liked best, because he planned to seek out Muggle jobs as much as possible.
And yet, here he was, twenty-one years and three days old, lying face down in what could only be called sludge, trying his damnedest not to breathe, lest the troupe of Death Eaters who very unexpectedly walked in upstairs heard him.
He hoped the others were having a better time of it. The bracelets with tracking stones that he wore on his arms and leg were all slightly warm, reassuring him at least that they were safe, which meant they were probably back at the rendezvous point. Probably wondering what the hell had happened to him. His task was hardly the most difficult; they'd given the hard ones to Sirius and James, seeing as those two were the ones with actual training in these matters.
It was nearly twenty minutes later when he was finally able to move, stiff and cold and shivering, tongue stuck between his teeth to keep them from clattering. He crouched just outside the small hole he'd made in the foundation of the building and slung the spell-reinforced bag across his back. He hated carrying Dark objects; they always set his skin tingling in a funny way. Remus took a deep breath and looked across the long yard, trying to gauge just how far he had to run undetected before he could Apparate home.
Suddenly he felt two of the tracking stones cool drastically, and he gasped as he saw too figures emerge right where he was planning to head. It seemed that James and Sirius had tired of waiting for him. There was nothing for it now: they wouldn't be quiet in rescuing him, so he decided to go for broke and just run like hell.
He was halfway to safety when he heard James yelling his name from in front of him, and more indistinct shouts from behind him. Realising the remaining Death Eaters were on to him, Remus ran faster, clutching his bag close and fumbling to get his wand ready to either fend off hexes or Apparate away. He saw his friends taking on a defensive posture, and it took a concerted effort not to slow and look back when he heard the first spells being cast. He managed to keep his head low, arms in, and eyes down, not wanting to see the colours of the spells being fired at him. He felt a breeze across his left arm just as he reached the others. Sirius grabbed his arm and before Remus knew what was happening he was being side-alonged back to Sirius's flat.
"Fuck, Moony you're hit..." Remus was still dazed from the sudden Apparation and let Sirius fuss over him. His bag was tossed to the side, and his coat and shirt pulled off carelessly. "Merlin, just a graze," Sirius muttered. "Don't even know what spell it was..." He ran his wand over the wound, murmuring healing spells and smoothing his hand in its wake.
"M'all right, Padfoot," Remus said, feeling his body sag as the shock of adrenaline left him.
Sirius frowned and put his wand aside, then stepped fully in front of Remus, his hands coming up to hold the other man's shoulders. "Wanker. Why didn't you send for help?"
Remus sighed and rested his own hands on Sirius's waist. "You wouldn't have been able to do more than you did. I would've been okay." He could feel Sirius's hands tighten their grip. "Really."
"No," Sirius replied, shaking his head and stepping closer. "I made a bad decision, keeping this whole thing just between us. I should have gone to the Order with the information my brother brought us..."
Remus raised one hand to Sirius's cheek and spoke in a soothing voice, "I understand why you didn't, and I don't blame you...it was a risk we had to take, and we couldn't trust the Order to take it..."
"It's not worth the fucking risk if I lose you, Remus!" Sirius's voice was laced with a high note of panic and desperation, his eyes wide and bright. "Don't you know I'd rather live an eternity under Voldemort's rule with you than a minute in paradise without you?"
The sound of the slap! surprised them both; Remus's hand suddenly stung and there was a red mark across Sirius's cheek, and Remus couldn't remember giving it to him. "Don't you say that again, Sirius Black. We are each one man, just one fucking man, and you know it's not right to wish the worst for the world just so one man can survive. And if you can't deal in vague concepts of the greater good right now, then consider just how likely it would be that Voldemort would tolerate two queers-one of whom is a half-blood werewolf-to spend any kind of time together? If you don't want to lose me, if you want me by your side for the rest of our lives, then you have to risk the length of those lives. You have to risk them at every chance, because every time we survive, that's one more time we've told them to go to hell, that they're not going to tell us how to live or how to love. It's not worth anything if we survive miserably-we have to survive blissfully. We have to-"
He stopped his grand speech then, interrupted by the hard press of lips against his in a burning, passionate kiss. Sirius's arms curled around his torso completely, drawing them together as close as they could get, though it was far from close enough. Remus clutched the back of Sirius's head, fingers clenching in the slick black hair as they kissed, deep and invasive and thrilling.
The need for oxygen got the better of them finally, and they pulled apart slightly, foreheads touching as they caught their breath. Remus shivered as Sirius's fingers lightly traced the line of his neck.
"God help me but I love you," Sirius whispered.
"I love you, too," was all that Remus could say in return. A small corner of his mind was keen to point out that this was the first time either of them had said that to the other. For Remus's part, it was the first time he'd acknowledged the emotion to himself, the first time he'd dropped the pretense that this was just a convenient shag with a friend. It had been, really, a very long time since they stopped shagging and started making love.
Sirius raised his hand up, running his thumb across Remus's lip. "I should've said that long ago," he continued. "I want to be blissful with you, Remus Moony Lupin."
Remus pursed his lips in a small kiss to Sirius's thumb. "Will you risk everything to be blissful with me, Sirius Padfoot Black?"
"Always," Sirius said, his voice cracking with the force of his promise. He leaned in to kiss Remus again, and Remus sighed with content and kissed him back, long and languid.
At least, until they were interrupted by a loud crack! and the outraged cry of a confused young man who was left behind in battle, didn't know where his friends had gone, and finally found them snogging, which was an extremely unexpected turn of events inasmuch as he'd never actually thought that his two mates would ever realise just how much they cared for each other.
* * *
Remus liked to wash the dishes, a fact that made living with a man who had grown up with house-elves both at home and at school much less stressful. He loved the warm water on his hands, especially in the week after the moon when his fingers were still stiff and raw from scratching and tearing during the transformation. He was nearly a week past now, but the stress of the evening had seeped into his joints. He'd shooed away the women who'd gravitated towards the sink, and they pinched his cheeks and called him a dear boy, though he thought he heard someone mutter that it was a right shame he'd gone funny where it counted.
He was humming to himself when he felt a pair of hands glide down his arms into the soapy water and wrap around his palms. "Hurting tonight?" Sirius murmured in his ear.
"Mmm." Remus stopped washing, letting Sirius's fingers rub his hands. "Not too bad." He looked into the water, smiling at the pair of rings that were the inadvertent cause of the night's stress. "You think we'll be invited to next year's Reynolds Family Christmas Feast?"
Sirius snorted. "I don't think it's looking too likely now, no. But that's a whole year away, lot can happen in a year, yeah?"
"True enough." He twined their fingers together, raising one combined fist to his lips. "And it probably will."
End.